So THIS is what it's all about? Life During and After Breast Cancer...

Catch up time; closing out 2010...profound changes

2011-02-26T23:55:00.000-05:00

Wow, so someone pointed out to me that I had not updated my blog since August (gasp!) I think it was during August (my birthday month), that I began to detatch myself somewhat from the identity of "breast cancer patient/survivor." I had my first test results...they were negative for signs of cancer, and I was nearing the end of over a year of treatment. Honestly, I remember just trying to forget about cancer and all I had been through because of it. I wanted to be "normal" again (whatever the hell that is exactly). The funny thing is, major illness or extreme life events change you forever...in good ways, bad ways, whatever--however you allow them to alter you they do. I am forever a different person because of what I have experienced. I hope, and I believe, I am a better person.

September and October were strange months for me. I was dealing with the fact that I was to begin shifting "roles." Soon, I would no longer be "on treatment;" someone who went to the Cancer doc to get meds (Herceptin) injected every 3 weeks. Normally, the loss of a role causes some sort of grieving. How strange that I struggled to determine how to cope. My last treatment, in mid-October, was without fanfare. I think that if I were to do it over, I would choose to make it more of a "big deal." I did celebrate with friends later on, but I think that it was a bigger transition than I let it be outwardly. I think it would have helped me ease into the "survivor role" a bit better than the way I chose to handle it at the time. Nonetheless, I stumbled into the survivor role with all of the gusto and might that I have put into most other life situations/events. I even signed up for the Susan G. Komen 5K Race for the Cure. I participated as a survivor in early October with my friend Karina. My sister, Becky, was there to cheer us on.

My thoughts on the Susan G. Komen 5K Race for the Cure: I was stunned and overwhelmed--both horribly sad and encouraged that people were participating in such numbers. I fought tears and enjoyed goosebumps during most of the event. There were thousands of people! I wore my bright fuschia shirt that said "Survivor." I HATED seeing all of the little handmade signs people wore saying they were participating "In Memory of..." The man with the two small children who walked in memory of his wife, the childrens' mother; I almost could not walk any more. Karina, my friend who walked with me, may not realize that if she was not there I would have just sat down in the road and cried. I participated "In Celebration of" ME (I wrote ME on the sign.) There were others who did the same for themselves. I had to stop looking for "In Celebration of" signs...I saw too many "In Memory of" signs. Thinking back now, I can feel the overwhelming emotions I felt that morning. Oddly, I will have to think hard about whether or not I can devote the mental and emotional energy to participate in an event like that again. I more than likely will participate again, but I know there is a toll associated with it.

November and December were very difficult months for me emotionally. I struggled hard to stop thinking about everything that had happened the year before. Not that everything I was thinking about was 'bad,' but I played into the "anniversary" thoughts and was swimming in some dark feelings I suppose I needed to work through. And now, "all fixed up," I felt I was left dealing with the aftermath (this new role) without much guidance, or any idea for that matter, on how to be a cancer survivor. Ultimately, I realized that was up to me to decide. Is that who I am or a piece of who I am? How important to me is it to have that as part of my identity? Should I do something more with this experience? Would someone please write a guide on how to act now? In fact, I'd like a guideline on that and how to treat other people who have been through such experiences. Not that I am good at following guidelines or anything, but some idea would be helpful. Frankly, I was a bit lost. I am not so sure I have completely gotten past that stage either.

Closing out 2010: I am profoundly altered: more intense and passionate about life (humanity, love, friendships, relationships in general, feeling...) I think I have learned to focus more on what is really important.

And I still analyze things far too deeply!

My First Post-Treatment PET Scan---I am free from cancer!

2010-08-03T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, yesterday, I received the results of my first post-treatment PET Scan. After doing my best to not worry all weekend (the scan was last week, on Thursday), I started to freak out sometime around noon on Monday. I have had ongoing issues with getting the Dr. to call me whenever test results come in, and I was not about to let this one slide.

I kept calling...10AM, no results yet; 12:00 PM, will have Dr. call me ASAP; 1:30 PM, the Dr. will call me (then I cried and begged...I told them that they just do not call me back, I really did cry) I was having a panic attack at this point (no fun, considering I was at work!!!)

Then, Nellie (Dr. Wright's assistant) called me. NO CANCER detected in my bones, liver, lungs, brain, chest...etc.!!! Then, I cried in relief.

My thyroid lit up the test again (and NO, I am not going to let them tinker with that again--we will just assume it is fine); and the Sinus Infection I have been dealing with showed up (they do want me to follow up with an ENT (Ear Nose Throat) Specialist to have my sinuses checked out (not for cancer, but for abcesses, etc.)

NO CANCER!

So grateful and relieved!!!

Wow, it has been a while!

2010-05-12T23:05:00.001-04:00

Wow! I just realized how long it has been since I have written...
I met with my doc this morning...I had not seen Dr. Wright in a few months, as he has been in a different location on Thursdays (I've met with his assistant, Nellie in his absence). He told me he was sruprised I looked so well...ah, he always makes me feel good!
I am happy that I have lost more weight since my last visit three weeks ago...a few more pounds off. Seems like the weight is coming off so slowly. Oh well, I am doing as much as I can, eating better and exercising. Ugh, ready for my pre-chemo pants to fit again!!!
So, Dr. Wright and I discussed quite a few things:
Protein Marker Results: Doc said this is kind of like testing for smoke from a possible fire. There was no smoke detected in the last test...Yay! Today, they drew blood to test more directly for "fire..." the results will be back in a day or so.
PET Scan: will be in mid-June. He is looking at the research I provided him re: the Whole Body MRI research (found that MRI may be just as good at detecting cancer tumours as PET/CT Scans without subjecting the recipient to the radiation of a PET Scan.) I am still a bit leery from the MRI issue I had with the Breast Scans back in August of last year--I feel like it missed much of the cancer/what was going on...we will see how I feel about this moving forward. Maybe I would insist the results be read by more than one person...
Swelling on the right side of my chest: Dr. Wright looked at the swelling and indicated he did not feel like I needed to follow up with Dr. Cox.
Recent Research discussion:
1) Baby Aspirin: I told him I have been taking 81 mg/day based on the recent research showing that there was some reduction in cancer recurrence rates by taking it. He gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up and said that the research showed that taking it 5 days a week instead of 7 was shown to be more beneficial. Strange...okay, so I will take it Monday through Friday. Hmmm... this seems to have something to do with reducing the amount of inflammation in the body as a whole. Can't hurt I suppose.
2) Inositol/IP-6: he has no issues with my taking this...there is some research being done on this.
3) Sulforaphane (Broccoli Extract): I gave him the synopsis of the research and he said I could take it with no problem. I think I will order some from the Internet, as I have had some difficulty finding it in my local stores. Strange that more health-food stores do not carry this...there is so much research that has been done on the health benefits of Broccoli on a number of types of cancer. Some recent research shows that sulforaphane may shrink cancer cells or eradicate them. Hell...it's Broccoli. I can't eat enough of it, so if it comes in pill form, what the hey?

Basically, the doc is fine with my taking supplements and vitamins. Good deal!

So, I did get my Herceptin treatment today. It really does make me feel a bit funky afterward. Hm...oh well, that is what naps are for!

Hair update!

2010-05-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

As of Monday, May 10th~!

It is definitely coming in thicker these days...so nice to have some hair!

Follicular Follies...

2010-04-20T22:41:00.000-04:00

As of April 20, 2010

Mental and Physical Health

2010-04-20T22:05:00.002-04:00

Even though I have been done with Radiation for about 12 days, I still have some ugly burns on my skin. It is healing well, but I had another area (about 2 inches long) split open and begin to drain about 5 days ago. I am able to wear my bras again...with my silly poofy pillows ;-)

I've been looking lately at getting more appropriate prosthetics--even though they seem rather goofy to me! I think I would feel more comfortable with them moving forward though. Plus, there are some that can be used for swimming, and that would make me feel much more comfortable at the beach!!!

I've been fairly depressed during the last week or so, it has been a real struggle to make myself do my usual work and other tasks. Once I start though, I can really get into things and get a lot done. That is good...

I finally got up to the gym yesterday, after a couple of weeks off. Even with the last bit of skin that opened up recently, I figured I should go--if nothing more than for the mental benefit!!! I still have about 10 extra pounds on me from chemo/steroids (well, I have a few extra pounds more than that--but this is all I can blame on chemo!) I am getting tired of carrying around the extra weight. I want back into my pre-chemo britches!!!

Slowly, I have begun to focus back on my food and calorie intake. I mostly struggle with incorporating enough veggies and fruit into my diet. I am hell-bent on correcting this!!! Vitamins: I started taking a prenatal vitamin with herbs. No real reason other than to ensure I get my hair to grow as quickly as possible (hehe)! I am still taking Evening Primrose Oil (hotflashes), Black Cohosh Herb (night sweats), and Vitamin D. The Vitamin D is due to some recent research that has shown women who develop Breast Cancer tend to have lower levels of the vitamin. Also there have been some very positive (and scientific even) research findings showing the benefits of Vitamin D.

So, I am focused on some good things: diet, exercise, work...my dog! Still need to keep working on ME and focusing on my mental health (oh well, that is a lifelong endeavor, isn't it?)

I did visit with the Psychiatrist this evening. I have not seen him since before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. When I was thinking about all that has happened in the last 8 months, I realized how much I had been through. He continued my prescription for Cymbalta...I figure Cymbalta has helped me a lot through the past 8 months! Hell, I can be depressed enough at times without it, I cannot imagine what I would have felt like going through surgeries, radiation and chemo without it! Sheesh...I really don't want to think about that!

Well, enough rambling for now!

Finally Done with Radiation!

2010-04-14T22:18:00.002-04:00

Well, it has been a while since I have written, but I finished Radiation on April 8th. My Radiation Therapists were so great to me...even gave me donuts to celebrate...got a cute certificate and everything! I gave them a card...they really made the whole experience a better one (it could have been even more taxing with staff who were unhappy, sullen or whatever). It was so nice to have cheerful, patient, knowledgeable folks working with me each day during the process!

Thank you Tampa Bay Radiation Oncology staff! You guys are the BEST!

Follicular Follies...

2010-04-12T21:30:00.000-04:00

Here is where I am at as of today, February 12th!

Just ONE more.....

2010-04-07T22:07:00.000-04:00

Last night was fairly restless--Percoset helps with pain and mood, but it really jacked with the quality of my sleep. Wow...cool dreams though. Nice and bizarre!

The pain from my burns is still very much there, but when I am able to take Percoset, it helps a lot. The swelling under my arm is very slightly reduced...this apparently will take some time to go down. Ugh, I am sure my caffeine intake is not helping either the pain or the swelling for that matter.

Getting into position today for the targeted radiation treatment was a bit easier, thank goodness. The radiation therapists are such good folks--even saved me a doughnut from their lunch! Yummy Krispy Kreme doughnut!

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am blogging for the Youth and Family Alternatives Rap River Run 5K Race. It is held in June, and I decided a while back to start training to participate. I agreed to track my progress with training for my first 5K, and I blog each Wednesday night with my weekly updates. I really couldn't contribute much this week--I have not been able to do any exercise for about a week and a half. Oh well, when the burns heal up a bit and the swelling abates, I will get back into the swing of things.

Here is a link to the Rap River Run Blog: http://www.rapriverrun5k.blogspot.com/
There you can follow my progress, along with that of other folks who are training to participate in the race. I hope that those of you who are in the area will join me at the race!

JUST ONE MORE RADIATION TREATMENT TO GO!!! I WILL BE DONE TOMORROW!!! WOO HOO!!!

Bring in the Percoset, please!

2010-04-06T21:09:00.001-04:00

I did not sleep much last night, just could not quiet my mind or find a spot that was comfortable to my left arm or chest area. These burns are a bitch!

I decided I would ask the doc for some Percoset, as Tylenol, Advil and Vicodin have not done a damn thing for the pain (or swelling for that matter!) I could probably deal with the pain...but emotionally I have been just worn out. The pain is making me emotionally worse and vice versa.

Getting into position for my radiation treatment was a grueling experience today. Lifting my left arm above my head with cracked and burned skin...sheesh! You know, I have chatted with two other breast cancer survivors who endured radiation...and neither of them had burns like I have. Lucky ladies! Ugh, if ONLY!!!

Anyway, the doc was kind enough to prescribe some Percoset, and it is helping. If nothing else, it is helping my mood. Oh, and it does cut the pain down too.

Just 2 more...I am even beginning to cheer up with the thought of being done!

Emotional and Physical Fatigue...

2010-04-05T21:45:00.002-04:00

Well, this last week has been a bit rough both emotionally and physically. Physically, the area that has been radiated has been very sore, achy and (last week) oozing, bleeding, etc. Now, I am just in pain from the swelling around the worst burn under my left arm. It seems to be a bit of edema, and the skin is just cooked. It is difficult to get comfortable, especially when I am trying to rest or sleep. I have not been able to sleep much at night due to the consistent pain.

Emotionally, I have struggled greatly with feelings of loneliness--probably just emotional fatigue. It is a real bitch going to get zapped every day. Anyway, I am almost done...just 3 more radiation treatments to go!

The Follicular Follies...

2010-04-05T08:15:00.000-04:00

Here's where I am at as of today, April 5th, 2010.

Herceptin...Radiation...a bit much for one day!!!

2010-04-01T21:40:00.001-04:00

Well, today I had a combo: Herceptin treatment in the morning and Radiation in the afternoon. Sheesh. That makes me VERY tired!!!

Bloodwork looks great, and I also received the results from my first cancer protein tests. So far, I fall within the normal range, and that means there appears to be no other cancer in my body. Mind you, the protein tests are NOT imperfect...so this cannot be used as the only indicator of being cancer-free. It is just a good sign...and I am glad to hear that.

I started my "targeted" radiation today...hopefully my skin will begin to heal in the other areas pronto!

Last "Regular Radiation..." targeted begins tomorrow...

2010-03-31T20:27:00.003-04:00

So, today I had my last "regular radiation" treatment. Tomorrow I begin my "targeted" or "boost" radiation of just the scar line. I learned today that the difference is that protons are aimed at the area (instead of electrons as have been the case with regular radiation). Hmmm...interesting.

Well, my skin is fairly trashed at this point. This is the latest pic of the burns under my arm. Yes, it hurts a bit...although I am still numb at the worst part...it is just the area beneath it that hurts (there is some swelling there).

I also took some pictures of the radiation machine...the "Linear Accelerator." The machine is the one I have been visiting every day. I also took a pic of my view during part of treatment.

Working...shirtless

2010-03-30T20:17:00.000-04:00

Today I had an early Radiation Doc appointment--my usual Tuesday meeting with him and then he had to "mark me up" for the targeted/boost radiation treatment set to begin on Thursday, April 1, 2010. The doc looked at my skin and offere to let me have a "rest" from radiation for a couple of days. I asked if that meant they would make me get them later, yes it would, so I said, "No, just treat me." Hell, I was so upset when I learned that my last day of radiation was NOT March 31st, but April 8th...I can not stand to go beyond that dammit!!!

Yes, my skin is fried. There are at least 5 different spots with 2nd degree burns or worse, and one area (under my arm) is constantly "draining." The stinging...this truly sucks!

Anyway, I was "marked up," then treated, then set up for targeted radiation. Thankfully, I only had to have two of the usual four series of treatments today--we are done with treating the super-clavicle area (last one was Monday). What was really fun today was that I could not apply any of the Silvedene cream to my skin until after treatment. Normally, I put it on in the morning (after my shower) and then in the evenings and before bed. However, because I cannot apply it within 4 hours before being treated, and with such an early appointment today, I went in with having only applying aloe gel. Don't get me wrong, aloe gel is great, but it really does very little for me at this point. Plus, when it dries, it has the tendency to make your skin a bit tight and dry.

Well, because I was unable to wear any top that even somewhat resembled "business casual," I opted to head home after the appointment and do some work remotely...and shirtless. The shirt I wore to treatment had to be soaked so the stains would not set in...

My last "regular" radiation treatment is tomorrow...then five days of targeted treatment along the scar line. Luckily, the scar line is not burned up too badly, yet.

Cancer Impatient...

2010-03-29T23:10:00.003-04:00

It has been a little while since I have written much about my ongoing treatment. Honestly, I have been so busy with many different things, and, I suppose, trying not to devote too much mental energy to my being a "cancer patient." I have been going to work each day, then dragging myself to Tampa to get radiation treatment every afternoon. After that, I have been going to the dog park with Sarge and/or to the gym to work out.

Last week, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, I complained that my skin was beginning to crack, peel and sting. He prescribed Silvedene cream. What a god-send! That stuff really makes it feel better; however, it does not stop me from continuing to be burned worse and worse. By the end of last week, I had the Radiation Therapists look and tell me if I was okay. Sadly, they said that many folks get much worse burns than me--so I guess I am okay. Oh, the doc also prescribed Flexaril for the spasms in my neck (it helped...and I have taken it twice; however, it makes me feel so crappy the next day, I probably will not take it again.) The neck spasms are not as bad lately though...so I will endure.

Today, while getting ready for work, I noticed that my major sores from radiation (under my arm, on my upper back, and around my collarbone) were oozing..and some spots spontaneously bled when I lifted my arm. That was lovely--I noticed the shirt I had worn to bed had moisture and/or blood from the radiatedd skin as well. So, I opted to go without a bra/cami, and I put on a larger cotton shirt. Then, I tied a big scarf around my neck and let it drape over my chest (to cover my lack of breasts and any possible bleeding or oozing that might seep through my shirt.) So--I was set, and I went off to work for the day.

While heading to Tampa for radiation treatment, I began to feel a bit gloomy. My skin felt so tight, and various spots were stinging like crazy. The radiation therapist looked at my skin again...and he had the nurse come look to see if we needed to forego treatment for the day. She gave me instructions to use Domeboro as a compress on my burns, especially where the skin had "broken down." I went ahead with treatment though...and I fought tears.

I suppose I could describe the feeling I had as loneliness. Hell, you are laying there, "receiving" radiation from this large machine hovering over you, you are alone, in a large room--warning lights flash to ensure no one else enters the room and is subject to the radiation. And when your skin is already so burned...tight and stinging...you choose to forge ahead and subject yourself to even more...

I cried a bit while driving to the pharmacy. I went from sad to mad...I guess I was mad at the world...for not having a true "partner" in all of this, for not having someone to care for me...then I got mad at myself for being such a good little "victim."

So, at home, I applied the compress--that stung like hell, then I slathered on some Silvedene cream. That provided some relief--thank goodness.

Needless to say, I did not make it up to the gym. I had to call and cancel my appointment with the trainer. Oh well, that would have been a bit unfortunate anyway...sweat, blood and oozing sores. No one likes to see that at their local gym...

Some pics of my burns...yes, I look really happy! ;-)

The white gunk is the Silvedene cream.

Armpit (left) and shoulder (right).

Hair is coming in...sloooooowwwwlllyyyy

2010-03-28T22:15:00.001-04:00

Hair regrowth as of the 28th of March, two months after my last chemo.

Radiation Burns...

2010-03-25T21:16:00.002-04:00

Well, here is a photo of some of the burns I have from radiation treatment. With about 1 week of regular radiation to go, there are some areas where my skin is breaking down (armpit--ouch!) It is a bit painful in some spots, but nothing unmanageable!

Hair Progress?

2010-03-20T20:08:00.002-04:00

Goodness, this is slow!!!

Three more weeks of Radiation!

2010-03-18T07:16:00.000-04:00

Well, as of today (after today's radiation treatment, actually), I have 3 more weeks of radiation treatment. The final "regular" radiation is on March 31st...then I have 5 "boosts" that will target the area along the scar line. So...the last day should be April 8th.

So far, I have had 3.5 weeks of radiation. I have developed a mild "tan" to my skin on the areas they are targeting. I am using aloe gel (bottled and purified) and/or aloe directly from the plant (just cut off the outside and smear it on!) The aloe seems to be helping, but my skin is still tender and dry where they are treating. I have a couple of small sores in the general area where I have scratched some tender skin...it just opens up and bleeds quite easily. Fun fun!

I don't know if it is the position they have me in each day or the radiation itself, but I have had some lovely neck and shoulder-area muscle spasms. These usually get worse after each radiation treatment...and I have had neck and shoulder pain just about daily. During the weekends, I seem to get a bit of a reprieve...and just after I get my Wednesday massage I do much better. The massage I had last week (March 10th) loosened me up all the way through the 16th...I had no pain until that afternoon! Yay massages!

Really, radiation is just a pain to have to endure each day (an inconvenience). You get used to it...it becomes part of your daily routine...and it becomes less emotional the more you go...well, as long as there is an end in sight! I will say that having fun, happy and upbeat folks at the radiation center makes a huge difference...they make me laugh, and they make me as comfortable as possible...kudos to them!

please grow, please grow...PLEASE?

2010-03-15T18:49:00.004-04:00

Come on already!!! I am feeling so impatient with my hair!!! Here's where I am at as of March 15th, 2010, about 6 weeks after my last chemo treatment.

Herceptin...Radiation...fatigue, oh my!

2010-03-12T23:45:00.001-05:00

Today, March 11th, was my first combo-day, with Herceptin in the morning and Radiation in the afternoon. Yeah...by the time I made it home and into my bed, I wasn't sure if I could do all of this anymore. I am amazed at how emotionally taxing it is to visit two different oncologists in one day...

I met with the Medical Oncologist (well, his assistant, Nellie, who is great!) this AM before the Herceptin treatment. I told her I have been feeling a bit down...and very tired. Still seem to have some minor edema on occasion (mostly in my ankles), but this has gotten much better since I have been getting regular massages. My red blood cell count is still very low; however, the other components seem to be okay...they don't seem to feel I need any Iron or blood transfusion at this point. I am going to watch this closely...okay, time to eat more meat!

I have developed a small "pouch" of fluid around the incision line on the right side of my chest (not the side that had cancer). It is fluid filled (you can tell by the way it acts--and Nellie checked it to be sure), and does not appear to be anything to be too concerned about at this point. She instructed me to use a warm compress to try to alleviate it. There is no pain from it...just strange having a little pouch of fluid there. She said it could have been caused by "trauma" or a mild injury to the muscle area. Well, I did install a patio last weekend (with concrete pavers), so this could be my own damn fault!!! Oh well, I will watch it and see if we need to do anything further--she said that the surgeon could drain it if absolutely necessary. Let's hope not...I am truly sick of needles...and surgeons.

I asked her about weight loss...I had actually gained around 14 pounds during treatment. She reminded me that this often occurs during Breast Cancer Treatment, and that my metabolism should be getting back to normal soon. I have lost a few pounds, but I am struggling to lose much more...and I have been exercising and reducing my caloric intake. The fluid retention seems to be playing a role, and still, my metabolism is a bit off. Hopefully soon, I will see some of this come off!!!

The Herceptin administration went fine...took just over 1.5 hours...I took no additional medications with it (again), and I had no apparent reactions. Well, I did feel nauseous during and for a while after the administration. Hmmm...very likely mental, but who knows. What is the difference anyway?!?!

After I was done at the Medical Oncology office, I went and pigged out for lunch. Hehehe...trying to lose weight are you??? Try the buffet at Golden Corral. Funny, my thinking was...MEAT. Yep, I had a whole plate of it. Goodness, that was yummy--yes, even the "mystery meat" tasted good. I hadn't been to a Golden Corral for many moons...it is still deliciously nasty--but I stuck with meats and veggies (um, except that last plate--let's just call that my "refined sugars" plate, shall we?)

Then...off to get "zapped!" Radiation went fine as it has been. The folks at Tampa Bay Radiation Oncology are great. I love the two folks I usually see there each day! After they were done, I ventured to ask about my final radiation appointment...the 31st of March, right? NO. The 31st is the last day of "regular radiation," but I get another 5 treatments after that--"boosts!" Oh? April 8th is now my last day...

When they told me this, I fought back tears...emotionally, I just crashed. I drove home...exhausted (mentally and physically), and crawled into my bed. I was a total zombie for most of the night...

Really...really...really ready to be done with all of this treatment...

Hair?

2010-03-07T21:06:00.004-05:00

Well, here's where I am at as of March 7th, 2010.

Can I have some hair please?

2010-03-05T20:03:00.001-05:00

Just a little blurb about hair regrowth after chemo...

I find myself obsessively watching my scalp for signs of head hair. Every night I shine a flashlight at just the right angle across my sad little head. Now, I still have hair that did not fall out during treatment...I have buzz cut that down to a "One Guard" for now...but every night I look for signs of new growth.

I have some very tiny fine blonde hairs coming in now, just some stubble filling in where I had been very bald. It tickles my fingers to rub my hands across my head.

Legs...my lower legs spit out enough hair that I opted to shave them this morning...my upper legs have some hairs coming in as well...these seem to be more slow and difficult (lots of ingrown hairs dammit!) My arm hairs are also coming in slowly...there were lots that did not fall out, but it is so blonde that you cant really see any hair on my arms at this point. Fine white-blonde hairs are coming in just like on my head.

Pubic hair? Well, after all was said and done, I was left with 3 pubic hairs. I called them my three soldiers guarding the Alamo. I thought about putting them out of their misery...but remembered being a youngster feeling so happy to have ANY pubic hairs...so I left them. I have called in 3 more troops...and there seem to be some others rising to the occasion...along with lots of very fine white-blonde hair (that really does nothing to guard the fort).

Nose hair? I am just fascinated by this. In an earlier blog, I mentioned that I sneezed out the last remaining ones some time ago. I have a few coming in here and there...I swear I can feel them growing in...in all their itchy glory. It is very hard to scratch the inside of your nose...my "regular" fingers are too big to get in there...so I have to use my pinky finger. I find that I am not as skilled with my pinky finger as, say, with my index finger. Oh well...live and learn.

Eyelashes: I never lost these...they may have thinned out a little, but I really did not notice.

My eyebrows are still very much there...but they have been downsized by about 50%. The only regrowth I have noticed there is that one damn eyebrow hair that comes out above my left eye...that one hair that is completely white and grows about an inch long, straight out...the one I always used to forget to pluck until the sun would hit it just right. Yeah, that little bastard is back. I plucked it and felt a little bad about it too.

I am including some pictures of the progression of my hair loss...and where I was as of last weekend. I will provide some re-growth pics as time goes on (I was somewhat obsessive with finding these photos or videos when I was losing my hair). Oh...and only head hair, sorry folks, but I don't need my Alamo ending up posted everywhere for folks to see!

The First Photo (2 days after my first chemo...)

Second Photo (2 weeks into chemo, I cut my hair short)

Above right: 2 weeks into second chemo treatment...about 75% of my hair had fallen out. You may also notice how the treatments affected my skin (very dry, required lots of makeup to keep from looking really "ill")

The black white above was taken 3 weeks after my last chemo treatment. The hair left on my head had not fallen out during chemo...but 90% was gone.

The last two photos (in color) were taken last weekend (4 weeks after my last chemo treatment; February 26th). No noticeable growth in the photos.

I have since buzzed my hair even shorter than in the last photo, as new little baby hairs are starting to come in. More photos soon!

Week 2 of Radiation is complete!

2010-03-05T19:20:00.000-05:00

Wow...so I am now finished with week 2 of my radiation treatment...I think I realized mid-week just how tired the treatments were making me! I've been getting somewhere between 8 and 10 hours of sleep per night (going to bed early and getting up around 7), and I am just plain tired by midday. It really seems to catch up with me by late Wednesday or Thursday morning. I suppose I am a little surprised by this, but when you think about it...I guess logically I shouldn't be!

The doc explained that he would be killing off (not his words) somewhere around 100 lymph nodes...I am certain that my body is royally pissed off by this fact.

I will say (again) that massage is an incredible benefit to me. I have now gone three times in the past few weeks...I afford this by visiting the local massage school (Cortiva Institute). The students are wonderful and the benefits are numerous! I have so little edema in my legs now...and the pains from radiation are greatly reduced after the massages (sadly, I get them right back the next time I have radiation).

Pain from radiation? Not really direct pain, just pain from holding my arms up above my head, completely still in my "mold" for around 10 minutes. I have pain in my neck and shoulders from this...and now the pains are traveling down my arms (feels like pinched nerves). You can try to relax all you want while on that table...getting radiation...it is just not natural to be in that position like that and it pisses off my shoulders and arms. Oh well...

There has been little to no visible effect on my skin on the radiation sites so far...really I just see some minor dryness--especially along the scar line for my mastectomy. I am using aloe vera gel (99% aloe vera...great stuff) every day, sometimes more than once a day, in the general area being "zapped."

So, dry skin, neck and shoulder (and arm) pain, and fatigue...that is where I am at with radiation treatment. I met with the Radiation Doctor on Tuesday...things are going fine. I also got 4 recommendations from him for surgeons who do reconstructive surgery. Will start on that next.

Keeping my chin up and my attitude very positive...

With love,
Tory

Radiation Week 1 is over...woo hoo!

2010-02-28T10:36:00.001-05:00

So, it has been a while since I have updated anything here. Things have been so busy for me--sometimes life just rushes by.

After a few simulations with the radiation folks, and my old-school dot tattoos, I was set to start radiation on 2/22/10. In the interim, I went to DFW to visit with Josh and my family. I had a chance to celebrate my last chemo treatment with some folks that I had not seen for many years in Denton. It was so nice to see folks...and to hang out at the Loophole. I tired out so fast though...ended up zonked by 11PM. Oh well, I am old and not a "party girl" anymore!!! Got to visit with my mom...and hang out with Josh on his birthday. That was nice!

Anyway, got back into Tampa and had to do some final imaging with the Radiation folks on the 18th and 19th. They had me keep my arms above my head for about an hour--by the end of that, I could not feel my fingers...and my arms felt like there were 5 million ants biting them at the same time. Yeouch!!!

Thursday the 18th was my first dose of Herceptin without any of the chemo meds. It seemed to go well. I took the Herceptin without any Benadryl or other meds...didn't really feel like I needed them. Had some minor itchiness with it, but I can't really tell if that is from all of my body hair growing back at once or what.

Radiation started on the 22nd. I will say that it was just plain strange. I have 4 series of radiation during the treatments. They last 20 seconds or less. I am specifically positioned for each series. I am on the table for about 5 minutes all told. Essentially, the machine is an x-ray machine...and the series consist of a long x-ray. Not a lot of whirring or banging like some of the other scanner things. Hmm. My skin is fine after the first week. I have been using Aloe Vera gel (from the health food store--so not the cheap stuff) every day on the area being zapped. The techs said that I might see some tanning or burning around week 3. We shall see.

I am slowly but surely regaining my strength...thank goodness! I can feel the weakness in my arms and legs getting less and less. I did struggle with some ugly edema last week. I could not see the bones in my ankles at all. What a pain in the ass. I had a massage at Cortiva Massage Institute on Wednesday--that helped immensley. I highly recommend massage during treatment...it has many many benefits. With elevation and the massage, by Friday, my edema in my ankles had subsided. Thank god!

Anyway, I've just been a bit tired this week...nothing major. So glad to have my sense of taste returning...good food--tastes so good!!!

More later!
Love,
Tory

Radiation Oncology appointment today...back at the gym tonight--woot!

2010-02-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

Today I had the "simulation" appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. Mostly, I just met with the technician--who was very good (talked me through everything he was doing, made me feel very comfortable, answered all of my questions, etc.) Took a while--had to get fitted into my "mold" (cradles my head and arms when I hold them above my head); 2 "scout" images of my torso were taken by the CT machine (so they could line me up perfectly before doing the CT Scan); the CT Scan itself...by this time my arms (being held over my head) were completely "asleep." Then, I got to be marked to ensure they line everything up perfectly each time I go in for radiation treatment. TATTOOS!

Well, now I have multiple tattoos. They're just dots, but hey, they count, right? The Radiation Tech did them old-school--I told him he needed a tattoo gun, the hand-method (or prison method) hurt dammit! Oh well, they are just little dots--6 to be precise (two dots at each point they will line up the radiation machine) just along the bra-line on my chest. I have so many moles--I hope they find the right dots! Maybe I should have asked for smiley-faces...that should clear up any questions. He also drew a nice little "starburst" around each one...then put a clear sticker-bandage over each so that I don't wash away the starburst...for a week and a half. We shall see.

I am now waiting for a call to find out about my next appointment...where they do some final adjustments, x-rays and other odds and ends prior to actually beginning the radiation treatment (that will likely start on 2/22/10). Sheesh. Looks like I will probably be going back in on Thursday the 18th...and that is the same day I get my next Herceptin treatment. Wow, busy day.

Oh, I also asked the doc about whether he would be doing "boosts" to my scar line on the left side of my chest. Apparently, this is sometimes done to ensure that if any cancer cells got caught up in the scar tissue that they are appropriately killed off with targeted radiation. He has not yet decided if he is going to have me do that, but he said it would just be added to the end for a few days. AS IF 5.5 weeks of daily radiation Monday through Friday isn't enough already, but oh well.

I swear, all of this poking and prodding and picture-taking and imaging and on and on and on...it is tiresome. I just want to be a semi-normal 35-year-old woman and not have to be dealing with any of this shit anymore. Funny, I am actually in a really great mood lately--even though all of this crap is going on. Even though I was puking up my guts over the weekend (chemo side effects be gone now dammit!!!) Yeah...

Oh, tonight I dragged my tired ass up to the gym too! You know, it felt really good. I am ready to be back into that routine again. I really enjoy getting exercise like that--I even pushed myself a bit with the weights tonight--hell, after 2 weeks away from there I was ready to work hard. And I did. Hmmm...maybe I will go back tomorrow. We shall see. The dog may make me take him to the park--ooooh, maybe I can do both!

More soon...
Love,
Tory

Chemo Haze Weekend...still some side effects....

2010-02-08T20:15:00.001-05:00

Well, I still had quite a time this past weekend with some of the nausea from chemo. Hell, I was up puking Sunday night for a while. That was just so much fun, lets not do it again, please!!!

Funny, I really didn't have much nausea during last week...I just trudged through work and chores and all of that fun stuff...and then wham-o...bring on feeling like crap during the weekend. Really sucked. Oh well, lots of rest...and had to put off going to the gym again.

These hot flashes and night sweats are "for the birds." I can't keep it straight what my apparent temperature is during my "awake" hours. The hot flashes are super fast onset and are intense...nothing I am doing seems to help with them, so I am just dealing with it. Hopefully they will subside soon. Night sweats...yeah, I've had to change into new bedclothes a couple of times overnight recently. AND I even had to change my beanie once or twice (it was totally soaked from head sweat!!!) Sheesh...

Well, I am now off of the antibiotics I have been taking for about 2 months (wow!) Sad, I have enjoyed taking them because they were the only thing clearing up the darn zits on my face!!! I have more acne as an adult than I ever had as a teenager. What is up with that??? I guess my body will be happier without the amoxicillin...let's just hope I don't have too much of a time coming off of them! Soon I will not have to take the diflucan either...yay, no more systemic yeast infections please!

Oooh...I had to shave my legs yesterday...first time in months. Well, it was actually just my ankles I had to shave...surprising how quickly that area grew in. Don't really know where it came from, because my nails all broke off last week...and none of the other hair on my body (that was lost) seems to be making much of an appearance. Weird.

Well, hopefully this nausea and puny-feeling bit will be over very soon...I am just about done with it. Ok, there, I am done with it!

Love,
Tory

Radiation Treatment Information

2010-02-03T21:00:00.001-05:00

During my visit with the Radiation Oncologist (whom I LOVED, by the way), I learned a lot about my type of Breast Cancer and Radiation Treatment in general. Essentially, the doc gave me the option of not having radiation at all...or increasing my chances of not having a recurrence by 7 to 9 percent. I have opted to go ahead with the radiation treatment.

Essentially, I will be zapped daily for 5.5 weeks after they determine exactly the areas they are going to radiate. The doc indicated he wanted to radiate the area just above my clavicle to ensure the lymph nodes there were killed off (just in case there were cancer cells in that area that could not be reached during the axillary node dissection I had back in September). Additionally, they will radiate my armpit area and the chest wall, being careful not to damage the lungs.

I asked a lot of questions about how they ensure they do not accidentally radiate my thyroid or other areas. Basically, so much of the treatment is planned based on computers and computations developed from imaging studies, that the other organs and areas are very often protected from the radiation beams. It is not guaranteed, but they are very precise.

Hmmm...interesting stuff. We also chatted about reconstruction and how radiation affects this. As I have already been made aware, I will likely have to wait about 6 months after radiation to have reconstructive surgery...more waiting, but hey--it will be worth it. My skin and the tissues will need to "rest" after the radiation treatments...the doc also indicated (just like Dr. Cox did) that I would most likely be getting the Lat flap procedure...with possible implants for volume. Hehehehhe...this makes me laugh. Having a bunch of guys talk about what would give me the right volume. Hmmm.

Anyway, I will be heading back to get "simulation" on February 9th...this is where they will be doing CT scan(s) and marking me up to make sure I am aligned perfectly during radiation.

More soon!

Last chemo weekend...and appointment with the Radiology Oncologist today

2010-02-02T07:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a crappy night's sleep overnight. Just kept waking up every couple of hours to major hotflashes and nightsweats. Hmmm...hopefully these will lessen soon (please).

This round of chemo has been tiring...but no major issues. Very similar to the first round again. No vomiting, no diarrhea. Just some dry mouth and feeling like my head was full of Jello. Oh, and my muscles have been weak as can be. My arms and legs have felt like there is just no strength in them. Hasn't really stopped me much though. I was able to get Sarge up to the Dog Park Friday (wow, I know!), Sunday and Monday evenings. It actually seemed to help my mood to get him out and about, so this was a good thing.

I did have some lovely nausea during the night (overnight) on Sunday and last night. The anti-nausea meds helped, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Food: I am still uber-picky with foods right now, and I have strange cravings still. Luckily, I have been craving things like strawberries and blueberries during the past couple of days--that beats cravings for Taco Bell (thank God!) Since I have managed to actually gain weight during this (steroids--nasty bastards), I am looking again at my food intake and exercise regimen. Starting to get some of my plans in place to get my diet back to "normal" and hopefully get back on a regular schedule with going to the gym. Just a couple more days of feeling "off" from the chemo, and I should be able to hit the gym again. I hope my muscles wake up again...I am wondering what my Red Blood Cell counts look like--probably low. I have been watching my iron and protein intake closely to try and combat some of my muscle fatigue. Sheesh...funny, I have actually been doing better than I thought on iron intake--protein, well, had to look at that one a little more closely.

So, today I go to the Radiation Oncologist. My appointment is at 9:30 AM. I have my usual list of questions typed up and ready to go. I guess I am a little nervous--meeting ANOTHER new doctor, finding out about another procedure/process to go through. What a royal pain in the ass.

My questions:
What time of day will I be getting radiation and for how long each day; how many treatments over how many weeks; what exactly does radiation do; how does one target the areas where the cancer was--lymph nodes, etc.; how do we know exactly what to hit; is it true you cannot radiate the same area twice; how will it affect my other bodily functions/what are the possible side effects; how do we protect other areas of my body, such as my lungs and thyroid; should I avoid or add certain foods/supplements; what kinds of creams or lotions should I use or not; how do I protect my skin; and is there something I should/can do to have a better outcome for my reconstruction that I have planned for later?

Well, I am just glad that Chapter 3 of treatment is on the horizon. Still feeling the effects of Chapter 2, but I am honestly feeling okay.

Can I have my hair back now please? :-)

~Tory

LAST CHEMO is DONE!!! WOO HOO!

2010-01-30T11:54:00.001-05:00

Well, the day has finally come (and gone). I had my last chemo treatment on Thursday!

I met with the Doc first, and we discussed my schedule for seeing him moving forward (every 3 months); when I will start getting PET Scans (every 6 months); when I will begin getting blood tests for cancer markers (intermittently, about every 3 months); and how I will continue the Herceptin every 3 weeks through September. Bloodwork looked very good (with some lower Red Blood Cell counts--I swear I have been feeling that in my leg muscles, but the other counts were fine to continue with treatment). I also asked him to give me a ballpark estimate on my chances for recurrence...25% chance. Bummer...but let's not go there...75% chance of Cancer-Free for the rest of my life what I am going to focus on.

I started getting my chemo at around 11AM...during the Carboplatin administration I began to have an allergic reaction. We had to stop the Carboplatin (it was so close to being done anyway), because my feet and hands began to itch like mad. The palms of my hands turned bright red!!! Apparently, I was reacting to the Platinum in the med...so they ended up having to give me lots of steroids and extra Benadryl to calm down my reaction. I had moderate itching for about 45 minutes...with mild itchiness for the rest of the night (Benadryl helped). Hell, even when I went in on Friday afternoon for extra fluids I was still somewhat itchy.

Oh well...after 5.5 hours hooked up to the chemo machine, I was finally done. I was so tired and nauseous after this!!! Honestly, I think the Aloxi anti-nausea med made me feel more nauseous. Hmmm... I drove home and decided that I would take it easy for the night.

Friday: I slept in a bit and did some work from home via computer. I felt hot as hell...my chest and face were "beet red" from all of the extra steroids they had to give me. Around 1:30 PM, I went in for my extra fluids and my Neulasta shot. I remembered to take my Claritin earlier in the day; however, I somehow forgot to put the Lidocaine cream on the skin over my chemo port. MUST NOT FORGET THIS!!! I still have Herceptin to get every 3 weeks--and even with the sprays and an "expert nurse" putting the needle into the port, that shit hurts!!!Yeouch!

Anyway, I asked for some extra Benadryl to help with the itching...and I asked for some extra Aloxi to help with nausea. I do think Aloxi is crap. Did not seem to help the nausea AT ALL...in fact, I would say I felt more nauseous after it (although I know this could just be mental).

After leaving the doc's office, I drove home and decided to take the dog up to the Dog Park. We stayed there for about an hour...then he went up and pawed at his leash to go home! Sarge is such a good dog...I am so grateful to have him during this experience. He is a total MESS...although I am not sure if I would handle life well without people and critters with issues surrounding me. :-)

LOTS of heartburn, chemo burps and chemo farts last night. Went to bed around 9:30 PM...slept in until 8 AM or so. Good night's sleep...weird dreams though.

So, just a few days of feeling funky...the bad kind of funky. Then, I will begin My Life 2.0!

Upcoming Appointment:
Meet with the Radiation Oncologist on Tuesday

Need To:
Start making appointments to meet with Reconstruction Surgeons...so I can begin looking forward to my NOOBIES. :-)

Love,
Tory

Last chemo is tomorrow!!!

2010-01-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

So, the last scheduled chemo treatment is TOMORROW! I am so glad this day is finally (almost) here! I will be going in and meeting with the Doc at 9:45 AM then on to chemo for about 4 hours. I know I will feel yucky for about 5 days...but I am ready for this now. I am so ready for this to be over with!

I am ready for my hair to come back; I am ready for my skin to stop looking so dry and wrinkly; I am ready to stop retaining so much water because of the nasty steroids; I am ready for my face to stop needing so much makeup; I am ready for my throat to stop hurting; I am ready for strange food cravings to end; I am ready to stop taking weird medications to keep from getting opportunistic infections; I am ready to not have to plan my life around when I will feel bad or good; I am just plain ready.

I know that radiation treatment will be a pain in the butt...having to go in and get zapped every day for 5-6 weeks is not what I'd call fun; however, I know that it will be much easier on me and my body than chemo.

I know that I will keep having to go every 3 weeks to get Herceptin through the port in my chest. It will take about 90 minutes each time for it to be administered--and I will do this every 3 weeks until October; however, I know that it will be NOTHING like the mess of poisons I have been receiving.

I know that I will have surgery about 6 months after my last radiation treatment. I still do not know what all this will entail; however, I know that I will be just fine.

I know that Breast Cancer sucks; however, I know it has changed me--and I am grateful for this odd gift (well, the fruits of it--I haven't gone that nutty).

Here's to no more poison...
Here's to lots more living!

Love,
Tory

Less than a week until my last chemo...

2010-01-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

Well, less than one week until my last chemo! I've been feeling really well this week--a bit tired, but I have managed to drag myself up to the gym two nights after work!!! I've been really excited about work...love some of the projects I am working on. I've even managed to get the dog up to the dog park most nights this week!

My appointment with the Radiation Oncologist (http://www.tbropa.com/index.html is the website...my doc is Greenberg) is set for February 2nd. I will find out what that treatment will be like--exactly when it will begin, what it entails, etc.

Soon, I would like to also meet with some surgeons to discuss reconstruction options. I've researched this quite a bit; however, I've put this on the backburner recently...

Funny, I've noticed my head hair is GROWING! Not new hair where I am bald, but the little fine hairs I have left are growing. WEIRD! At the same time, the hair on the rest of my body is evacuating--my pubes have seriously gone on vacation. And they have not done so in an orderly fashion.

I have had some moderate nosebleeds this week--mostly earlier in the week (and last weekend). They were heavier than they had been...but manageable. I found that I just had to let it clot...and then not mess with the damn clot. Too bad it is fun to dig out bloody booger clots. Hmmm. I apparenly need a new hobby.

Well, I am elated that my last chemo "treatment" is less than a week away. So glad...ready to be done being poisoned....and hopefully cured!

Bring on the last treatment! Let's get this shit over with!

Chemo Weekend #5...tired, sleep, nauseous, hot flashes, chest pains?

2010-01-11T22:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am feeling pretty puny tonight. This round reminds me a lot of round #1 where I had this weird ringing in my ears, hot feelings constantly, kinda outer-worldly "I think someone is poisoning me" feeling...hey, someone is!!! Lord do I feel tired and out of sorts!
I am hot one minute, cold the next...and I have this weird feeling like my skin is too big for my body. Weird? Yes, except that my head skin (stay with me) feels too small for my head. No, I am not stoned...and no, I have not taken extra anti-nausea meds today. FYI: most of the cool anti-nausea meds are Atypical-Anti-Psychotics that have the side effect of making one not feel nauseated. Still wonder who figured out that stuff--and how.
Anyway, started getting these weird pains in my chest last night...on the right side (next to my heart). Last night I shrugged it off and went up to McDonald's to get a BigMac (at 10:30 PM). Hey, nothing like "celebrating" a chest pain by eating a BigMac. God, those are disgusting (-ly AMAZING). Yep, disgusting, amazing...incredibly salty. Yeah, polished it off with an Oreo McFlurry. Like I needed that, but hey--I had a serious craving for a BigMac and a McFlurry. These cravings never occur, so hey, why not indulge? Yes, it was late, and yes I went to sleep shortly thereafter. And YES, I had wicked-cool dreams. Well, nightmares actually. Hmmm...
So, got up this AM and went in to work...after my nose stopped bleeding and the worst of the nausea calmed down a bit. On the way up to the office, I realized I had forgotten to take my Claritin...yes, the bone pain was kicking my ass (pelvis, actually), so I stopped at the store and got the 10mg loratadine tabs...
At the office, I started having the chest pains again. In one spot...on the right side, just to the right of my heart. Damn, trying to calm yourself down can be a difficult task in such situations. The pains were intermittent...jabbing, sharp pains. No real rhythm to them...but hey, I put my tail between my legs and decided to head over to the doc just to be sure. Yep, pet me on the head, I actually went to my doc with chest pains.
Hmmm...saw my doc's assistant Nellie again. She figures I am fine...probably more bone pain from the Neulasta...or a pulled muscle, but she sent me over to St. Joseph's for a chest x-ray just to be sure. No call back tonight from the doc, so I am figuring the x-ray was fine or will not be read until tomorrow. Meh, felt okay after the x-ray, still having these weird intermittent pains in my chest though. Feels kinda like a spasm of sorts.
Anyway, I am really tired. I slept some this afternoon, and I am getting ready to head back to bed again now. Thank goodness I am not having a weird craving for some crap fast food tonight! Soup and toast sated me nicely.
Just 17 days until my last chemo...I want this over with NOW. Soon...soon...I am so tired...mentally and physically. I am ready to be done!!!

Chemo part 5 of 6--Just one more to go!!!

2010-01-08T11:28:00.000-05:00

Well, yesterday I had my 5th of 6 chemotherapy sessions over in Tampa. I slept horribly the night before--my nerves were just through the roof. I think I was worried about having the side effects I had from the last chemo. Hmmm...

My appointment was at 9:30AM, and my friend Judith was able to come sit with me during the appointment and treatment. Judith rocks!!! My weight was a bit higher than I had anticipated; however, the stupid steroids are still making me retain so much water in my midsection--I was not too surprised.

The nurse drew blood from my chemo port again...but she had some trouble this morning, and she missed the port at first. That was not pleasant AT ALL. Not recommended. Makes you a wee bit nauseous--dizzy, and yeah, I thought seriously about taking a quick nap! I didn't (thank goodness), and she was able to get the needle in properly on the second attempt. Youch!

Met with the doctor's assistant "Nellie" today. I like her...she does a very thorough physical exam (hands on, asks lots of questions, etc.) We decided to do ANOTHER course of antibiotics because I still am coughing a bit from the cold I got last month (hey, I like to hang on to things sometimes!!!) We also decided that because I had such a rough time with the side effects last time, I would come back on Friday (today) to get some extra fluids and extra anti-nausea meds via IV. I am happy with this.

The chemo administration itself went okay, although I did get a bit nauseous at first (probably mental...) It lasted a bit longer than it had in the past...I was there for about 5 hours...Judith dutifully sat next to me and watched me nap most of the time. It was very nice to have her there...I felt relaxed enough to sleep this time, and last time I did not. Trust me, it is just better to have a buddy with you!!! During the last little while, while I was getting the Herceptin, I felt a bit woosy--but it went away within a minute or two. Again, I felt fine enough to drive after I got up and walked around for a bit. Made it home with no problem!

I did run into my friend Nancy at the office. She is almost done with radiation and is still receiving the Herceptin treatments every 3 weeks (like I will be). Her hair is coming back in very thick! Looks adorable...nice to see her looking smiley and happy.

Last night was just fine...I was very hungry and ate small amounts of food throughout the night. Lots of fluids too! This kinda sucked considering the master bathroom toilet was not functioning...so I had to trek over to the guest bathroom A LOT! Oh well, getting the toilet fixed right now...then I will get ready for round 2 of the doc's visit!

Had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night...but was finally able to. This am I am feeling hot (from the steroids), and my skin gets this lovely shade of bright red from the steroids too. We'll see how the side effects are...they have a tendency to kick in later today...although each time has been slightly different.

Well...thank you RotoRooter man, for fixing my toilet...I hope I do not have to abuse it anytime soon!

More later,
Tory

Chemo Girl rocks the gym!

2010-01-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

So, I felt very well today and decided to head up to the gym. I had a great workout...30 minutes of cardio and about 45 minutes of weights. I was able to do well tonight--still operating at about 2/3 of where I was at with the weight work (having to do less sets), but am able to get the weight to just about where I was before.

Didn't feel too self-conscious tonight, and I was happy to see there were so many other folks wearing beanies! It was about 44 degrees outside (frigid by Tampa Bay standards!) Nice not to be the only one in a hat!!!

Chemo Part 4 was NO FUN!!!

2009-12-22T11:13:00.006-05:00

Well, I guess it had to happen sometime...

I was down big-time after this round of chemo. Yes, I am thinking that the cold/bronchitis (whatever) I had to go along with it considerably added to the "experience..." This was one of those events that you hear chemo is like...the vomiting, the diarrhea, cold sweats, hot sweats, room spinning--please just let me sleep through this!!! Well, that would have made the bed messy! So, I endured by sitting naked on the toilet with my bathroom trash can in my lap. Yep--both ends evacuating at the same time.

I couldn't even keep my anti-nausea meds down...or anything else down for that matter, so they were no use. I do know that there are dissolveable meds you can put on your tongue...but honestly, I wanted to puke out whatever was in there...and it didn't last too long.

Saturday was when most of this hit me...so I just puked, shat and slept (when not performing the aforementioned.) I honestly wondered when it would be over! Luckily, I felt better by Sunday...was even able to clean up after myself a bit. Monday, I felt lots better...even trekked up to the office for work! Now that is perserverance--dammit!

Dear toilet and trashcan:
I know, you did not deserve that, but thanks for being there! Oh, and you are welcome for the Lysol and bleach.
Love,
Tory

Chemo: Part 4 of 6 Today! I am 2/3 done!!!

2009-12-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

Well, I woke up feeling a bit better this morning. I have been taking DayQuil and NyQuil pills during the past couple of days to help some of these apparent cold symptoms. They have been helping--the NyQuil has especially helped with me getting some good sleep at night.

I made it over to Tampa for my appointment, and the doc pulled me back before my bloodwork had been started. Apparently, there was a huge backup with getting bloodwork done, and he was ready for me! We talked for a while. He informed me that I DO NOT have the BRCA genetic mutation to blame for my Breast Cancer...hmmm, very interesting stuff. This is good news for my sis though...and that makes me feel pretty darn good! We also discussed my current infection--he gave me a look over and prescribed me with Augmentin to start after I am done with the Z-Pack. I also will have refills on this script, since I seem to be susceptible right now to these types of infections. I told him that this seemed so strange, as it started in my nose and my chest...then moved into my sinuses. Weirdness. Oh well, I am sure it will be fine...I am just ready to not be sick on top of, well, being chemo-sick!!!

Then we discussed my getting the massages (he gave me the note I needed)--I told him how helpful it was with my retaining water...worked better than limiting sodium AND exercise. Hell, the massages seemed to move out the excess fluids fairly quickly. I also told him that the school may be interested in working with their group somehow...and that they may be contacting him directly. He indicated that there were some folks that used to come to the office (before they had changed companies) and provide massages there to the patients. Hmmm...we'll see what they do with it, if anything!

We discussed travel again...and he said he was glad I was traveling...to call if I needed anything. And I (again) reminded him about the Claritin helping Neulasta bone pain. I told him that I started taking it BEFORE the shot last time, and I had very little pain this last time. He said he has recommended it to at least one other with some success...GOOD! I wish someone would figure out the connection there!!!

Anyway, I went back to get my bloodwork in the chemo administration area. They jacked in to my port (no, I did not look this time--that is just too gross!) and had the results within a few minutes. So, my bloodwork looked VERY GOOD...no issues at all...and I had no fever. Okay. Chemo #4 was about to get underway!!!

I didn't have any strange reactions this time...haven't really had any issues with it since the first one, so it went fairly smoothly. I didn't even get as loopy as I had last time from the Ativan shot...although I did get fairly nauseous during the last 45 minutes or so, during the Herceptin administration. Nothing major, just some mild nausea. Strange...I felt monsterously hungry along with the nausea.

Well, after about 4 hours of chemo, I was free to go...after they checked my blood pressure and weight. Blood pressure was a bit high (steroids, maybe?) and my weight is back down a bit (less fluid retention, maybe?) Next "appointment" is my shot of Neulasta tomorrow afternoon...then chemo on January 7th at 9:30 AM.

Becky came to get me tonight...although I felt like I could drive home this time, so I asked if she would follow me. I was a little tired...but I seemed fine--I was grateful she followed me home in case I had any problems! My sister rocks! Thanks Beck!

Well, after a nice helping of Becky's turkey meatloaf, some hummus and some Alaskan Truffles...I had to have some pizza. I ordered some and chowed down. Good lord! Haven't been that hungry in a while! Hmmm...don't even feel overstuffed. And I just noticed my cold symptoms are a bit better tonight...

Let's see what tomorrow holds!

With love,
Tory

Still Sick...wondering about Chemo tomorrow....

2009-12-15T20:28:00.001-05:00

Well, I am feeling better mentally today...still sick and tired though! This infection (cold, bronchitis?) has been kicking my ass... Curious what my bloodwork will look like tomorrow and if the doc will go forward with my scheduled chemo at 10AM. If so, I will be 2/3 through, dammit! Ready for this shit to be over with--enough already!!!

I will say that this infection is acting more like a cold...or the Z-Pack has helped with whatever was going on in my chest...it seems to have moved up into my head (sinuses, nose and throat) now. I'll have to chat with the doc about getting some more Augmentin for the sinusitis bit of this...hell, you know if I am asking for antibiotics, I am sick. I hate taking those things!!!

Oh well, I have my list of questions for the doc all ready for tomorrow...

I hope I am feeling better in the AM.

Sick, Tired, and really Depressed

2009-12-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

Well, tonight I am just feeling depressed and alone. I hate feeling like this!!! I am so tired of chemo right now, I cannot even express my frustration. I am sick--this damn infection is acting more like a cold virus than bronchitis (better, maybe?), I have my next chemo in just over a day...no one will be sitting with me during chemo this time...oh well. I guess I am just being a big baby. But I am PISSED, SAD, ANGRY, and I cannot seem to stop crying tonight!!!

I couldn't go in to the office today--had to work at home. And I feel so fucking guilty about that. I know I have been trying very hard to keep up a normal routine and pace at work...hell, I just need to give myself a break. I bust my ass most of the time...I just hate that I couldn't make it in today. There was a big meeting I really needed to be at, and I was just too sick to be there. What a royal pain in the ass.

I did post my first "negative message" on Facebook...and much to my surprise, lots of folks had some really kind and reassuring things to say back to me. Those comments were really nice to hear...I've been reading them into the night tonight. Funny how it makes me feel less "alone!"

Well, it is late, and I need my rest to try and get better before chemo on Wednesday. Ugh...yes, I will be 2/3 through on Wednesday...that is a good thing! I think...

Ugh...feel so effin' sick..

2009-12-13T23:12:00.001-05:00

REALLY?
I just hate this! I am so tired of chemo, it is making me crazy already! And now I seem to have picked up bronchitis...or a head cold...or some stupid sickness that is making me nuts! What the hell?

I did call the on-call doc today to have them start me on something--he was super-nice and called me in the ol' Z-Pack to get me started (in case it was bronchitis). Hell, I have chemo scheduled for Wednesday, I have a ton of work I REALLY want to be able to do Monday and Tuesday...I just hate this. I hate that my immune system is so out of whack. I haven't gotten sick like this in so long...and it hit so freakin' fast!!! Arrgh.

Sneeze sneeze, cough, cough.

Special Population Massage...then Sneezing...Coughing...ugh...

2009-12-12T22:06:00.002-05:00

Well, this morning I got up to head over to Cortiva Institute for my Special Populations massage session. I had been unable to get a doctor's note in time, but they decided they would be nice and work on me (but only very very lightly). This time was fine...the young woman did a nice job! I felt good and relaxed afterward...even sleepy--went home for a nap!!!

Ugh, I woke up from my nap thinking I was going to cook up some meals for the week for Becky and me...and then I started sneezing and coughing. It started to get worse so fast, that I realized within a couple of hours I might just have bronchitis!! Shit! Like I need this crap right now!

I absolutely hate being sick...and if I don't feel better tomorrow, I will have to call the docs...too bad it will be Sunday...sheesh.

Massage Last Night...

2009-12-10T20:05:00.000-05:00

Oh yeeeesssss...that was nice!

I found a local massage school, Cortiva Institute, that has evening and weekend clinics that suit my schedule, so I went to the Wednesday night 6:30 PM "clinic." They were a little concerned about working on me, but I informed them that my doc had suggested it and that I was not at all in pain or sedentary. They opted to do a very "light" massage on me just to cover themselves...since I did not think to bring a doctor's note. The trainee was just fabulous! Did a wonderful job...I felt so good and relaxed afterward!!!

After we were done, the staff there asked for my Doc's name to get in touch with his group...to see if they could do some work with the patients...I think that would be a great idea! I provided the info and need to let my doc know the next time I see him.

Interestingly, they invited me to their "Special Populations" class this Saturday...It is a free session...one hour, wherein the students get to work with people with special needs and/or conditions. I signed up for the last slot...just need to try to get the doc to send over a note before then...I have to laugh though, I've never been in a "special population!!!" Hmmmm....not sure if I dig that or not!!!

Anyway, I highly recommend this to anyone going through chemo that is not sedentary...I found that, while I had been retaining LOTS of fluids (especially in my midsection and thighs), my swelling went down within the next 18 hours or so...WOW! I dig less fluid retention! My pants just fit better!!!

With love,
relaxed and less-swollen Tory

Ugh...Fatigue!!!

2009-12-08T19:52:00.001-05:00

Well, it is Tuesday night...I have traveled for work the past two days. Yesterday to Bradenton and today to Sarasota. I'll tell you, I am one tired girl! I was going to head over to the gym tonight; however, my body is telling me that this is not an option...must rest. So, I will rest. I hate feeling puny!

I AM looking forward to the massage I am scheduled to get tomorrow night! Woo hoo! I found a local massage school that has sessions in the evenings--$30 for an hour-long massage. Plus, there have been multiple folks suggesting massage as a way to help the chemo through your lymph system. Hell, either way, it can't hurt, can it? It has been a long time since I have had a massage, so I am looking very much forward to it!

Well, off to rest up...Tory is a sleepy girl!!!

Back at the gym on Sunday the 6th

2009-12-07T19:33:00.002-05:00

Well, I felt motivated enough to head back up to the gym on Sunday, December 6th! I really felt pretty good after the first workout I did, so I endeavored to go it again!

Getting Ready: This time, I stuck with the black beanie I wore on my head last time (I have not seemed to have found the time to make more beanies/berets--must do this!!!)...I wore bigger pants and a nice, roomy shirt over the jog bra and breast forms. I will say that the breast forms do like to travel a bit while I am working my arms...funny they seem to want to hang out together right in the front middle of my chest. This time, I just made an annoyed face and nonchalantly relocated them. I did have to do this a few times...and that is just weird. Oh well, I figure I see enough men adjusting themselves that it can't appear that unusual. AND, I decided not to really care that much this time--it worked somewhat well!

My perceptions at the gym: This time, I felt less self-conscious. I really think the bigger shirt helped! I still wish I felt more comfortable with the idea of being mostly bald on my head...but I am not sure I will get over that. Hell, I am not going to stress it too much--if it makes me uncomfortable, I will just make adjustments and carry on!!!

My workout: I worked out for 1.5 hours this time! I seemed to have the energy level to do about 30 minutes of cardio (on the evil elliptical, no-less), and I broke a good sweat! Hey, it kicked my ass a bit, but I kept pushing through the fatigue. Felt really nice afterward to do some arm and leg work. Once again, my body seemed to like the stretches...felt good!!!

I really hope I can keep this up moving forward. It felt nice...yes, it was tiring, but such is life!

~Tory

My First Gym Visit Since August...

2009-12-04T09:05:00.003-05:00

Well, yesterday evening I got a "wild hair up my ass" and thought I might like to go workout at the gym! Now, I have not been to my local gym since late August--just before my first surgery in September. Three months...and I had been going so frequently that it had become such a routine (even a comfort and release!)

Getting ready: It took me a while to get dressed to go. Having both of "the girls" removed presents with it some unique wardrobe issues regardless; however, most of my gym clothing tops had morphed into tighter-fitting-but-still-functional jog bras and tighter tank tops. Wearing something like that now just makes me look odd. Here's the picture: jog bra + tank, a beanie on my head, my makeup was still on from work, and I had on a pair of yoga pants with my running shoes. With absolutely no boobies, I looked downright amorphous--excluding my rounded hips and lack of protrusion in my groin area. So, I shoved a couple of silicone "breastforms" into my jog bra (the slots for the pads work well for this) and found a looser-fitting tank. If I keep up this gym thing, I will have to get some looser tops to wear over these jog bras/forms. Eventually, I felt sorta "female-looking" and I took off to the gym.

My perceptions at the gym: I was very self-consious at first...it only waned a bit during the hour I was there. I would really like not to have to wear a beanie on my head while working out; however, I have such little hair on my head, and I feel like I would have been more self-consious without it. Most of the folks at my gym are there to work out...not to get laid, so folks really do pay more attention to what they are doing (as opposed to the people around them.) I never felt self-consious there before, so I will have to work on my own perceptions of my SELF to handle it better next time. Oh, and looser tops will help too--I would really prefer to not have to worry about whether my fake titties are migrating during exercise! So: next time, keep the beanie (need a good all-cotton one though), and wear a bigger shirt/tank. This is easy...so let's go with it!

My workout: I worked out for about an hour. In the past, I would do from 1 hour to 1.5 hours, depending on my energy level. I did move much more slowly, so what I packed into the hour last night was much less than I had done in the past. Slowly but surely. I did the regular treadmill for about 15 minutes...my shins were yelling at me a bit, so I had to stop a couple of times to stretch them out (I used to have to do that--must remember to loosen those up a bit before I start!!!) I really could not get my heartrate up into the "Cardio" range, but I really didn't stress about it. My heart deserves a break after everything I have been through this year!!! I completed just shy of a mile on the mill--with a tiny incline...nice.
After the treadmill, I did some leg-work. I was able to do the same weights I had worked myself up to in August; however, I had to do fewer reps and sets. Really, I was able to do about 2/3 of what I could do before--I was pleasantly surprised by this...and quite happy about it. I only did a few things with my arms...wanting to take it easy on my left arm still, as I have a lot of numbness in my upper left arm yet. Really, my arms did not mind, and the left arm seemed to really "enjoy" the stretching of it all.

While at the gym, one of the trainers who knew I was about to undergo treatment came up and chatted with me. She said I looked "great" and that she wouldn't have known I was in the middle of chemo. She had done the 3-Day Komen Walk during October and said that she had wondered about me. She said to keep it up and she wishes me well. She and I will probably work together on some upper body stuff soon--I think I want some help figuring out how to deal with my chest muscles post-surgery. My docs have not been very helpful with suggestions on this...so we will see.

Today I am feeling pretty good! I feel a little back muscle discomfort, but otherwise I am just fine! I think I will hunt down some looser shirts to wear and head back this weekend. We shall see!

~Tory

Feelin' better...

2009-12-01T08:01:00.000-05:00

Well, as is the typical pattern, I had about 5 days of feeling very puny after my chemo session. Honestly, it was more like 4 days...but it sure did feel longer.

Yesterday was pretty good; however, I had some stomach issues (nausea, a little bit of vomiting), but nothing that was intense or uncontrollable (with the anti-nausea meds and/or Gaviscon). My brain was still a bit fuzzy yesterday, and I am still finding trouble locating words at times to make my point or describe something...but this is much better than the first few days post chemo.

I find that I am retaining a bit of water...my clothes feel a bit tight around my waist and thighs. This started to wane a bit starting last night, and I know it will get better today and tomorrow with more movement. Hell, I spent a few days in bed guys!

Anyway, my sister buzzed my hair down to 1/2 an inch. Well...if you can call it hair. It really looks like fine baby hair. Funny, the feeling of the wind or a breeze on your scalp is not one I am used to. I am taking the time to notice this sort of thing and just feel it. Feels pretty cool--and, well, cool temperature wise too!

I did some yoga yesterday AM and some stretches this AM...feels really really good!

Well, I am off to career-land! Hope you are all enjoying your day...on purpose! We have so much to be thankful for!!!

~Tory

A Blessing from afar to my Everlasting Friend...

2009-11-30T23:26:00.000-05:00

I send a blessing from afar to my everlasting friend...

May your body gently rejuvenate,
amidst great warmth and light.

May your heart be strong,
your thoughts be kind.

Rest,
yet grow vibrant-
a willful path
of tender healing.

Take your journey-
never alone,
surrounded with grace.

V.DeWaters
For J.E.C.
11/30/09

Thanksgiving Chemo-Daze...

2009-11-28T18:26:00.000-05:00

So my doc said I was a brave "nut" for getting my chemo treatment the day before Thanksgiving. He is correct, I am a nut...but that is something that is fairly well-accepted and known, right?

Becky and I got up very early Thanksgiving morning to do the St. Petersburg Times Turkey Trot. She ran the 5K, and I did the 1 mile fun run/walk with her afterward. I did okay...but I think my legs were jelly after we were done. I was ready to go home and nap after that! Luckily, I had been ambitious the night before, and made up all of the dishes for our Thanksgiving meal. I don't know...just felt "speedy" and like getting it done and out of the way. Makes for a much more enjoyable day when you just have to throw things into the oven and wait!

After a nap, Becky and I got up and enjoyed our meal outside on the front patio. It was nice! Food was great, and I was stuffed. I was extremely exhausted after this, so I ended up going to bed around 8:30 PM. Weird, I was feeling a bit dizzy, somewhat nauseous and just whipped. I realized that I had not taken my suggested doses of Zofran and/or Compazine (for nausea), so I took both before bed. My night of sleep was fitful, and I woke up numerous times feeling dizzy and nauseous. I had lots of issues with reflux too, so it was not the most pleasant of nights...

Friday AM consisted of my getting up and going to Tampa for my Neulasta shot. My brain was so mushy that I missed my exit off the highway and had to loop back around. Kind of felt like an extreme head-cold...or maybe the flu...when you are just in a sort of haze, bouncing from one thing to the next. I guess "chemo brain" is one way of describing it...I certainly had trouble carrying on intelligent or even coherent conversations. Got my Starbucks after the shot...and had a wicked craving for tacos--and I hate Taco Bell, but apparently I had to have some...hmmm. 3 crispy tacos later, Tory was sated and happy.

I napped on and off for the rest of the day Friday...just felt shitty. I could not focus on anything, I felt nauseous, dizzy, pissy, out-of-sorts...meh. I did manage to get Sarge up to the Dog Park in the evening...don't know how I did it, but I did. Luckily he was quick to tire of the park today...so we were only there for about 30 minutes or so. More sleep after this.

Today I got up and felt a bit better than yesterday, but still dizzy and nauseous. The nausea is manageable for me...I think I could puke if I concentrated on it...but why do that? I had to keep reminding myself to take the Compazine every 4-6 hours to keep the weirdness at bay. I have been doing laundry on and off today...in between some awesome naps! Also felt like getting out and picking up my prescriptions, my Starbucks, a sandwich...and some well-advised Ginger-Ale. When I was out, I started feeling better and better. Still "off" and a bit out of sorts, but physically and mentally better. I did find that I had to make myself pay very good attention while driving today. So...I just stayed off of the heavily travelled roads and focused.

I have been taking Claritin for the bone pain (Neulasta)...I started it one hour before the actual shot was given. This seems to have kept a lot of the sharp pains down to a more manageable level. I have had some sharper, jabbing pains today in my knees and hips...but they are quick...fleeting...so this I can manage.

My nose started in with the bleeding earlier today. Not too bad, just some bloody snot. My mouth is a bit dry, but not terrible...and I am making myself drink as much water as I can possibly manage. I will say that food is not enticing to me...I have intermittent and strange cravings, and I cannot stand to think of anything sweet today. Leftovers make me gag right now...I haven't even touched my favorite pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving day--freaky! Bland was the word of the morning...then a sub this afternoon with lots of spicy mustard and juicy ham. I don't know...none of it makes sense. At least I can eat and keep it in me!

Overall, this round is a butt-kicker--similar to the first round. The second one seemed better to me. I have all of these things I would like to do...play in the garden, straighten up some messes I have around the house, even sit down to watch a movie...but I cannot seem to focus much or for very long on any one thing. Oh well, it will be over with soon. Just have to rest when my body says to rest...and I am.

Well, enough rambling for now...
~Tory

Chemo #3 today...and I am halfway through!

2009-11-25T16:45:00.001-05:00

Well, I went in early today to meet with my Oncologist, Dr. Wright, and to have my 3rd of 6 scheduled chemo sessions. Becky and I got there at 8:30 AM, and after some financial paperwork, I went back for blood work.
I have to remember not to look at blood coming out of me...it just makes me faint...not "go out" faint, but really seriously think about taking a nap, queazy lightheadedness. Especially when they are jacking in to my port...that stuff comes out quickly...right next to my heart. Fun fun.
Anyway, they did the blood draw for the BRCA genetic mutation test today. We should have the results within a few weeks. This mutation causes a propensity for breast and ovarian cancer. I have no ovaries anymore, and no boobies right now...so lets hope nothing else crops up!
Met with the doc. He indicated the bloodwork continues to look good...my Red Blood Cells were a bit low, and I asked him if there was something I could do to work on that--he said stop chemo. Hehhee. I told him that he did not have to offer twice! So, I guess my hemoglobin is okay, so he is not worried about my RBC. Other tests look good. My sinus infection is also clearing up...so that is nice...still quite a few more days of Augmentin (antibiotic) to clear that up.
I bitched again about the Neulasta shot causing intense "bone pain." Reminded him about Claritin, and told him I would keep him apprised of how it works. He said that he has mentioned it to others in the office and they had not heard of it. I told him he should do a study...and figure out what is in Claritin that reduces the pain effect.
I asked about traveling during December, after my 4th chemo (which we moved up a day to possibly accommodate my traveling out to Texas during the December holidays). He said, "No restrictions." I like that! So, it depends on how I am feeling and how much time I can get off work during the holidays. We shall see.

Next Steps:
Neulasta Shot on Friday (11/27; would have this tomorrow, but the office is closed...)
Chemo #4 (and next Oncologist Dr. Appointment) is on 12/16 at 10AM; Neulasta shot following day
Chemo #5 (and Dr. Appt) is on 1/7/10
Chemo #6 (final scheduled! with Dr. Appt) is on 1/28/10
Radiation should start approximately 3 weeks after last chemo!

Well, tomorrow is Turkey Day...and Beck and I will be getting up early to go to her 5k Turkey Trot Race...then we both will do the 1 Mile "Gobbler" fun walk/run. I think I will walk it! After this...we have turkey, greenbean casserole, sausage stuffing, veggies, blueberry pie and pumpkin pie, and onion dinner rolls. Yummy! Gimme a lazy day after an early start!

P.S. My head hair is falling out again...so what is left of it may be gone soon. Hmmm...I am diggin' the berets and hats!

This week...

2009-11-20T15:23:00.000-05:00

Well, this week has gone quite well. I have had some energy and stamina (nice!), and I even took a 3 mile walk on Wednesday. I have been tired in the evenings; however, I have found that if I go to bed at a more reasonable hour, I have a better day overall (fatigue-wise). Really, I am needing no less than 9 hours of sleep a night to feel good and energetic throughout the day. I have always liked/needed lots of sleep anyway, so this really does not surprise me.

The only real issue I have had this week has been my blood pressure. I noticed it seemed high (pressure in my head, headache), and I have been testing it regularly. For me, I almost always run about 120/80...nice and "normal." But I have hit as high as 145/97 this week. There is a certain feeling I just get in my head when that happens, and it was concerning me. I called the doc, and they decided to have me come in just to check me out. Hell, I've had some minor nosebleeds too, so we wanted to make sure there was nothing funky going on.

Anyway, I had my doc's appointment today, and I ended up seeing his Physician's Assistant. She was great...did a good look over and figured out that I had a good sinus infection. We are thinking that the blood pressure thing is something we will monitor for now...does not seem to be that large of an issue. My sinuses on the other hand are a bit out of hand. I have to take Augmentin for 10 days now to clear up this infection...being a "cancer patient" means I can't just refuse the antibiotic--little things can get too big and out of hand. I just hate taking meds unless absolutely necessary, and I guess it is absolutely necessary--oh well. I am keeping away from crowds of people for a few days to help ensure I don't pick up another infection...so...I will focus on getting rid of the sinus infection.

The nosebleeds I am getting seem to be from 2 key things: the Carboplatin causes excessive dryness in my nose and I also get sores from both chemo meds. Hmmm...sores up my nose + excessive dryness...that sounds about right to me. Good lord...remind me not to do this "for fun!" Oh wait, no reminder will be necessary.

The doc went ahead and checked my blood also while I was there...just to see if my platelets were low or if something else was going on. Bloodwork looks fine. Good stuff. I do seem to be retaining some fluids though...my weight had increased 6 pounds since my last visit. Well...probably fluids and some of the junk I have been craving lately. Better get back to eating the good stuff again...like I don't know better. Hell, I have to live a little sometimes! My britches were feeling a bit tight though...alright, I'll do better!!!

Well, I am off to enjoy this sinus headache! Oh...and my head hair is still hanging out there. Doesn't seem to feel like falling out this time. Hmmm...

~Tory

P.S. I have been able to work all day every day this week--except today, had to do some from home to "avoid crowds."

My Thyroid is CLEAN!

2009-11-16T15:01:00.003-05:00

Well, got the test results back from the Thyroid Biopsy today. Doc left me a message on my voicemail and said there was NO CANCER found. Good news...so glad to hear that! What a huge relief!

I didn't even bother calling back the doc's office to bitch about what they did to me Friday when I called to get the results. Apparently the results were there...and I was left on hold for over 20 minutes to be told that my doc had left for the day. Pissed me off royally. But, I am going to enjoy the good news and just bring up the concern I had at my next appointment.

Now leave my neck alone...no more pokey my necky.

...so, I do not recommend the thyroid biopsy. Go with the ribeye in a nice chianti sauce...

2009-11-10T15:47:00.000-05:00

Because there was a spot of "hypermetabolic activity" in a node on my thyroid (a 3.2 cm node), my Oncologist sent me over to St. Joseph's Hospital to have a biopsy on the node.

I had the appointment today. My sister accompanied me. I have to say that having someone with you is just so much better than going alone. You can somewhat let your guard down and just try and relax. I was able to do this with ease today...I just relaxed my muscles and cleared my head. I really did not think about the biopsy until it was happening. I suppose I was practicing "mindfulness meditation," as I was just exactly where I was without looking forward, backward...I was just where I was in that moment. I even napped prior to the procedure, and normally I am so freaked out that I am tense and shivering.

The folks at St. Joseph's Hospital are really amazing. Excellent customer service--made me feel comfortable, at ease...offered me anything I needed to feel as relaxed as I could. You can definitely tell when a work-place has "good energy" as opposed to ugly energy. The employees seemed genuinely happy--that really affects the level of service provided to patients/customers. I know, always a Quality Improvement person--I look for ways to make things better wherever I am. I want happy staff if I have to be there!

Anyway, the folks in the "staging" area were very helpful and informative about the procedure. Yes, they were going to stick a small needle in my neck--jiggle it back and forth for about 20 seconds--and they would do this two times. The first thing I would feel would be the lidocaine shot though, and the rest should be fairly painless. I told the assistant that I had been told this before but had then felt some pain (like the lidocaine did not work), and he stated they would give me more if necessary. Oh, and the pathologist would check the samples then and there to make sure they had a good sample--or they would go back in again for more if necessary.

Well, the ultrasound tech was able to find the node with no problem...and a different man came in to do the biopsy itself. The pathologist was down by my feet with all of her cool stuff. She asked me about why I was wearing a hat. I told her I was in chemo for Breast Cancer, and she told me she was a 2-time survivor. She had a mastectomy 10 years ago...and then it came back just this past spring (in her spine/pelvis). She had completed chemo in July and was growing her hair back out. I liked her, Anne was her name.

So the lidocaine shot into the left side of my neck was so pleasant, I think my blood pressure spiked about 50 points systolic. The PA, Mark? said to wiggle my toes--hell, I was already circling my feet like a whirlybird. You know, there has got to be a better way. If I don't feel it when the chemo nurses jack in to my port in my chest, there must be a way that folks can make shots in the neck not hurt too. Reminded me of dentists and all of their sadistic tendencies.

Second thing...the biopsy needle. Felt it. Sorry, but I did. And I groaned in pain, and twirled my feet, and told the PA and Tech, "OWWwwwwww" while trying not to breathe. No wait, the not breathing part came pretty naturally. Breath held. No problem. About 5 hours later he said he was out and going back in for the second pass. GREAT!

The second pass...now that was when I really felt it. I told him immediately...and he said he was already in and to count back from 10 slowly...yeah...for ten YEARS. Sorry to be dramatic (no I am not), but these things suck ass. I hate them...and for some freakin' reason, no one can get me numb enough so that I do not feel them. Happens the same way every time..."I am already in, it will hurt worse for me to give you another shot, it will be over soon." Yeah, asshole, you are not the one with the needle being crammed in your neck. Repeatedly, back and forth, like you're cleaning the grates on a grill. For some reason I started thinking about what I wanted to eat for lunch. Dissociation--it's a good thing.

So, then we get to wait for 10 minutes or so while Anne makes sure they have the correct cells (an actual sample from my thyroid and not, say, my brainstem) and that they will be able to run the appropriate tests on the samples. I am happy for this...I don't want to come back for this. But somehow, I know that they are going to have to jab me AGAIN. And they do. And it sucks. This time, Anne was nice enough to rub my feet during it. That helped actually. Anne must be in every biopsy for every one. Or someone to rub thine feet. I will now require a foot massager for any further medical test I endure.

Yeah, so when he was done jabbing my neck with the skewer, the PA said that I will probably bruise. Hell, Becky was already working on the story to explain that hickey. We'll see if I bruise and what story we can come up with. Bandaid on, wheel me to recovery for about 10 minutes, I piss like a cow on a flat rock...and get the hell out of there before someone finds something else to violate me with.

Sheesh!
Let me be clear. I am a complete wuss when it comes to medical tests. I hate them, they suck ass, and I get all depressed and funky afterward. I feel like I have decent pain tolerance--but I may just be a wuss. But then again...it was a needle in my freakin' neck. And all I get is a bag of ice to put on my neck (as tolerated) for the next 24-hours.

Hmmmph. Stupid thyroid.

Chemo Weekend #2

2009-11-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

Well, on Friday, the day after my second chemo treatment, I felt a bit speedy from the steroids...and I felt fine, so I went into the office. Was rather productive, but then I had to leave to go get my Neulasta shot in the afternoon.
While driving over to Tampa from New Port Richey, I spoke with my mom (who is in Grapevine, TX). She indicated that my grandmother, Helen, was going to be released from the hospital with hospice care in the home. Grandma fell early on Thursday AM, so she had been at the hospital in a lot of pain. Anyway, after sitting in the parking lot of the treatment center, I just decided that I did not have the strength to head out to Texas to say "goodbye." I actually ended up convincing myself by saying...you can't just do something out of the fear of possible future regret. So, I opted to stay here in Florida and take care of myself.

I got the Neulasta shot and headed home after for some much needed rest. By the end of the day, Friday, I was pretty exhausted! My mouth was a bit "funky," just dry and icky--you don't seem to be able to get enough water or other fluids to help this honestly. I had a dull ache in my lower back that night, but nothing more.

Saturday I spent doing laundry and cleaning up the house. Mom called and said that Grandma had been released from the hospital and was home in the morning. There were lots of folks there with them, my Uncle Jim, Aunt Roberta, and my mom's cousins Denny and Kathy.

The Neulasta bone pain started hitting later in the afternoon...that stuff means business. There is just no getting away from that pain. It is so deep...in my pelvis, my spine, my legs and knees. By the evening, I was resting in bed...with the heating pad under my butt, doing some back and leg stretches, talking on the phone with Josh. He was suggesting some stretches like I used to do when I did yoga...I was naming the poses/stretches he was having me do...thinking that I really should get back to doing some yoga. The stretches helped some...but only when I was actually doing them. Saturday night was a rough night for sleep...I woke up regularly with some intense pains in my upper legs. Also had acid reflux from hell--just drank Mylanta and Gaviscon when it woke me up.

Sunday morning my mom called to let Becky and me know that Grandma Helen had passed quietly during the night. I am sad that she is gone...but I am happy she is no longer in pain. She had suffered in pain for so many years...and her little body just couldn't put up with it any more. There will be a small memorial service in Grapevine; however, the larger service and "burial" at Arlington National Cemetery (with my Grandfather) will be in the Spring (when we can all go). I am glad that we will be doing the main service later...I want to be there. By then, chemo and radiation will be done...

Sunday started out okay...not as much pain from the Neulasta; however, that did not last for long. By about mid-day it came back in full force. I was very fatigued, but I had wanted to take Becky out to this great park East of here. So, we drove over to Weedon Island Preserve and did some hiking. It was just beautiful! We were out there walking around for a while until I petered out and had to head back home. I remembered the Claritin at that point, and I took one Claritin D when I got to the house. This really seemed to help with the bone pain!!! I'd say it cut it down to about 1/3 of what it was...so, the Claritin regimen will continue and I will remember it for the next go-round. My nose got all bloody again on Sunday. It is like all of the moisture from your nose is gone and you have bloody goops up your nostrils. I do have to say the symptoms are much better this time, as I do not have the Systemic Yeast Infection...thank you diflucan. My mouth is much better than last time, my eyes, my ears, my nose...everything is just better than it was the first time. The heartburn/acid reflux is the same though...although not unmanageable. I just drink down some chalky stuff...or take one anti-nausea med if it is really bad.

I took a nap Sunday evening, but was still exhausted that night. My mouth had gotten even more dry...my stomach was talking to me a little (just gas pains--very farty...and LORD do those farts stink!) I slept pretty well Sunday night into Monday...

Monday morning I woke up planning to go in to the office; however, I was just wiped out. I decided that I would use my energy to get some work done from home (instead of wasting energy driving an hour and a half round trip). This was a good decision, as I was very productive. The bone pain was there, but it was less severe with the Claritin...mouth dry (I have a couple of sores in my mouth that are driving me nuts), gas is minimal (everything fairly regular/normal in the nether regions this time). I went out and ran some errands around lunch time and nearly wore myself out completely! I took a brief nap early in the evening. Nose is still a bit bloody on occasion...just have to not pick (I know...I pick my nose *gasp, but it is hard not to!) But when you do, you break off the "plug" that keeps it from bleeding. Sheesh...all these goofy things to remember :-)

I have been able to eat normally during these past few days. No bland or BRAT diet this time. I have taken very few anti-nausea medications...only a couple at bedtime when the acid reflux really kicks in. The reflux is there constantly actually, but I have experienced that for so many years, that it really doesn't occur to me how bad it is sometimes. I just have to remember to do some preventative sips of Mylanta/Gaviscon (Gaviscon is actually much better than Mylanta for this--and it has always worked better for me overall. Gaviscon actually seems to stop or slow the reflux and the Mylanta soothes my esophagus).

Well, it appears that the symptoms are somewhat predictible for the first weekend after a chemo treatment. I will need to remember that the Monday following is really a rough day for fatigue--I was having trouble seeing the TV last night...my eyes were just so tired!

What's up next:
I am looking into a yoga class...maybe start next week?
I am signing up for a 1 mile walk on Thanksgiving day...this will be the day after my 3rd chemo, and I should be fine based on my experiences thus far.
I am considering going back to the gym soon...doc says it is fine but to take it easy...

Today: I am heading over to St. Joseph's Hospital to have my ultrasound-guided thyroid biopsy. Yep...I get poked in the neck with a needle. Damn thyroid...damn needles.

A run down of my main symptoms this time:
Fatigue
Acid Reflux/Heartburn
Dry Skin
Thirst
Dry, Raw Mouth
Dry, Raw, Bloody Nose
Gas/Bloating/Tightness in Stomach
Minor Swelling from Steroids
"Mild" Bone Pain (yeah, mild, my ass)

A note on hair loss:
I have about 10-20% of my head hair left...it is still coming out. Right now I look like a little old lady who really needs a perm. The texture is coarse...my scalp is itchy.
My body hair stopped falling out last week--nothing is missing at this point. I still have my pelt...just missing a lot of antlers.

Chemo 2 of 6 Today--1/3 DONE!!!

2009-11-05T22:16:00.001-05:00

Well, Becky and I went to the Oncology office today for my bloodwork (still looking fine), meeting with my doc, and chemo part 2 of 6.

Finally I had the tech pull blood straight from my port instead of my arm/hand. Yay! No track marks this week!!! The results were fine per the doc, and I got the report for my records.

Meeting with the doc went great. He was very surprised to see that I had so much of my hair left. I have lost about half of my hair on top of my head. Oddly, I have most of my body hair too...hmmm. Well, my head hair is coming out very rapidly...so I don't know how much I will actually end up with, but we shall see.

I asked about the new study about cancer changing receptor status when it spreads to the lymph nodes. I asked specifically if the meds I was receiving would appropriately treat a cancer that had become ER or PR positive in nature. Based on what type of cancer I have, and the meds I am currently taking, we are treating it very aggressively and in a way that would attack any of the types it could morph into. Good news. I might watch this research though, as it intrigues me.

I also asked about exercise...what he would like me to do and if he feels I could go to the gym or not. He said he felt like I should do what feels right for me. He would suggest no heavy cardio work, but that exercise is definitely a good thing and to do it. Walks, light weights, and mild cardio is good.

We are continuing on the diflucan medication as it appeared to ward off the Systemic Yeast Infection that I developed last time. Essentially, I had the yeast infection in my mouth, throat, ears, nose and rectum. That was just so nice. Can we not do that again if possible? I have my script...with plenty of refills, so I can keep that side effect at bay. That side effect may be more related to the steroid decadron...

I mentioned about the lovely bone pain that results from Neulasta shots I get the day after chemo. I know I need them, but those f*#&ers are something else. "Mild" Bone Pain my ass. I did tell the doc that some folks on the internet were trying Claritin to help with the bone pain with some success. I told him I had researched the interactions and found no ill effects...so I had tried it. I told him it worked somewhat...not completely, but seemed to cut down the pain level a bit. He said he would look into it.

I did forget (again) to ask about the BRCA gene mutation test results...or if the test had even been ordered. Oh well, must remember this next time.

Next chemo is moved up to the day before Thanksgiving...and the shot will be on Friday. Works for me...just hoping I am up to do the St.Pete Times Turkey Trot (well, the little fun run version of it, the Gobbler 1 mile) the morning of Thanksgiving. My sis will compete in the 5k and will join me for the Gobbler once I sign up! Cool!

Anyway, back for chemo. They upped some of the pre-treatment medications this time to ensure I did not have a funky reaction like I did last time. Last time I got very hot and faint during the last chemo med administration. They had to give extra steroid via IV Push...that was no fun. But this time, they gave me a larger dose of Decadron (steroid) over a longer period, and they gave me Ativan via IV. Hmmm....that was trippy. Made me loopy and tired very quickly. Funny, my left eye was working okay, but my right eye seemed to be going all sideways to the world. Together, this made for some interesting stereoscopic views of the chemo administration room.

My friend Nancy showed up in the chemo room...I had no idea she was receiving treatment there...she is now doing her ongoing Herceptin treatment. She completed chemo then had a unilateral mastectomy. She will be doing reconstruction about 9 months after her last radiation. We talked for a while about what she had been through during the year...wow! There have certainly been some challenges for a handful of the people I know...for her, I wish continued learning and happier times ahead. I hope the same for myself, actually! It was nice to have her there during a large portion of my chemo today...she is such a good soul!

Anyway, I got my usual Aloxi (anti-nausea), Benadryl, Decadron, Tylenol (oral), Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. All told, I spent about 5 hours hooked up to meds today. No exciting events like last time...just got a bit nauseous and very slightly dizzy during the last med (Herceptin). Was glad Becky was there for support and to watch over me...I cannot stress the importance of having a good person with you during these treatments. My sister is good for my soul...and I need that during this. Thanks Bec!

Well, we finally got out of the office around 5:30 PM, after picking up my next scheduled appointment listing. Becky drove us home and was able to join her running group over in Tampa. I was able to drive up to the pharmacy and fill the new diflucan script (and grab some of that 75% off Halloween Candy that I really did NOT need). Hmmmm...read a small book on Mickey Mantle while waiting for the med to be filled.

Feeling okay tonight...just a little looped and tired. Took some Zofran to combat the minor nausea I was feeling...ate a decent meal (and too much clearance Halloween Candy to even admit to). Now, I think I will take the other meds as directed, drop some Diflucan and hit the bed a bit earlier than I normally do. This girl is a bit tired tonight.

Next Steps:
Get Neulasta shot tomorrow: ooooh...get ready for that "mild" (bullshit, that is not mild dammit) bone pain...
Have Thyroid Biopsy on November 10th
Next Chemo on November 25th

Need to research more on the reconstruction options...how long after radiation must I wait? Can I get implants after radiation? Some questions have come up during discussions with folks and some of my research.

Need to get script for fake boobies to wear in my bras until I get reconstruction...these cotton padded thingys are just driving me a bit crazy. I was supposed to get the script a couple of weeks ago, I just haven't done it yet.

Well, I am off for now.....
Here is to much health and happiness!
~Tory

Chemo Session #2 Today...and week 3 after first chemo

2009-11-05T08:11:00.000-05:00

Well, I have my 2nd of 6 chemo doses today. I got a good night's sleep and I am trying to get myself good and hydrated before the appointment.

I've been feeling very good this week! Monday through today (Thursday) have been fairly smooth-sailing. I had some energy...not a lot of fatigue issues, no nausea since Sunday, brain seems good (although I lose some words here and there), so it has been kind of nice! I hope I get a "break" like this with each treatment...it is just good for the soul!

My hair is coming out faster and faster. I have so much hair that it just looks thin at this point. Wow. Pretty weird stuff to run your hands over your head and have a good handful of hair after. So far, I have not had Becky cut it down shorter...I just didn't want to deal with the short stabbing little hair bastards all over me when they did come out...and I did not want to actually shave my scalp. Right now, I am shedding worse than my dog!

I have a few questions and issues to bring up with the Oncologist today. Nothing too major; however, I did see a new study regarding cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes (such as mine). It is a British study that is in the Annals of Oncology...shows that some have new receptor status when they spread...possibly one in three. I want to chat with my doc about that, as I am unsure as to what all was tested during the pathology studies. More later on that.

Otherwise, I am hoping that we continue with the diflucan...I am hoping to get through today without any incident...and no, I am really not looking "forward" to the treatment. I will say that I am glad that I will be 1/3 of the way done with chemo after today. That is good and I am happy about that! One More Down!

Well, off to prep...

Love,
Tory

This week so far...post chemo session 1 of 6, week 2

2009-10-31T23:04:00.001-04:00

Ok, so last weekend was not too bad...I was just tired. I was looking forward to being back at work and getting my schedule back in order. I was also looking forward to having my sis, Becky back in town.

I worked all week, at the office, with the exception of Thursday. That was exactly 2 weeks after the 1st chemo, and I felt so freakin' tired I couldn't hardly see straight. I went in for the usual bloodwork Thursday AM, with the intention of going to the office after, but by the time I got out of there, I was pooped. So, I drove home to take a nap...I had intended on sleeping for an hour or so then doing some work remotely from home. I ended up sleeping a full 4 hours...then doing some work from home!!! I guess I really was tired!

That night, I felt a little nauseous. I had taken the last of the diflucan the day before, an I needed to pick up the refill...so I did not fill it until later in the evening. I did take the dog for a long walk in the heat...and we played at the park for a while (he had me fetching the ball, actually)...so I wasn't sure what exactly "caused" me to feel nauseous. I ended up taking some of the anti-nausea meds...and the diflucan...and I felt a little better by the time I fell asleep (around midnight, unfortunately).

Well, Friday started off okay--I did notice my hair was starting to come out (on day 15) a few strands at a time (I'd actually been kind of obsessively picking at my hair to see if it would come out....it surely did start then!) I went up to the office, felt okay, but after I ate (we had a potluck gathering)...the gas, bloating and nausea hit again. Bummer. I hung out in the bathroom for a while and missed the ladies at work giving me some very cool hats! They ended up putting them on my desk, they had assumed I did not feel well (oh, they were right). Funny, I didn't throw up...haven't but one time in the first week...I just farted and sweated a LOT. As my Nana would have said, "A lot of wind, but no storm." Hmmm. Glad I had some of the anti-nausea meds with me. Took one, felt better within an hour.

Friday night was okay, I just had one hell of a headache--mostly a scalpache to be honest. Felt more like a surface or tension headache than a deep headache. Maybe something to do with my hair coming out. Or maybe I need to poke a hole in my skull and let the demons out?

Saturday (this) morning, I got up early and felt a wee bit ambitious. Still fatigued...but got some chores done. Felt good to get more things off of the to-do list. Again, I felt a bit nauseous around mid-day (4 hours after I ate this time...), so I took some compazine. Felt fine within an hour or so. Strange. Hair is coming out more rapidly now...all over. My hair is so thick though, you cannot really tell yet. I was thinking I would have my sister use the clippers on my hair--go for the buzz cut, but earlier today, I felt like I might not do that.

Tonight, I am feeling like I could have her do it soon...I don't know why I am waivering on this so much. I got some more hats (on clearance) at Target...they are fun...I am leaning more toward doing the hat and scarf thing than the wig thing...I just don't like wigs. Hell, it may just not be for me. I am totally and completely confused by wool hats being sold in Florida...okay, one or two...but whole displays? Wool?

I have that damn headache again tonight...I took some advil last night and it did not help, so I think I will pass on it tonight...no sense taking more crap if it won't do anything anyway.

Anyway, it has been a decent week overall...nothing unmanageable. I am having to drink lots of Mylanta every night (and sometimes during the day)...because the reflux and heartburn is in high-gear...daily and nightly.

Strange to be losing my hair though...I am still obsessively pulling some out every little while or so--it is kind of...fun...in an oddly psychotic way. Let me be clear...it does not hurt. It just comes out very easily. Hmmmm, will someone please make me stop pulling out my hair now?

I have been thinking about going back to the gym...or at least exercising more. I miss the gym...I just wonder if I have the stamina. I think I am healed up enough from the mastectomy to get back into the gym routine, so we shall see. Maybe some more walks once it finally cools off? I've been reading some articles and other blogs about folks' experiences relating to exercise and chemo. I will just have to figure out a way to manage the stamina/fatigue issues somehow.

With love, from the boobless and soon-to-be-hairless one in West Central Florida,
Tory

Thyroid Biopsy Scheduled for November 10th...

2009-10-31T12:00:00.001-04:00

I finally have a "date" for the Thyroid Biopsy...this will be the morning of November 10th at St. Joseph's Hospital in Tampa. It is an ultrasound-guided procedure, a "fine needle aspiration" of the node in question. Sounds like an absolute joy to have a needle crammed in my neck. Great...lucky me! Bad thyroid...growing danglies.

You know...something about doctors' attitudes about the Thyroid bothers me. Why are they so quick to just yank it out if something is wrong? Hmmm...must research this more.

Tentative Chemo Schedule...

2009-10-24T12:16:00.000-04:00

Here is the tentative schedule for my chemo treatments...
October 15th (DONE!)
November 5th
November 26th (will be moved before or after due to Thanksgiving Holiday)
December 17th
January 7th
January 28th

I "receive" Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. Herceptin will continue after January 28th...every 3 weeks for a total of 17 doses--roughly 1 year of Herceptin at every 3 weeks.

After the January 28th chemo, I start radiation for 6 weeks, at 5 days per week. I will be getting the Herceptin during these radiation treatments.

Reconstructive surgery will be after radiation is completed.

Fun for all!

a week of mild side effects...thank you anti-fungals

2009-10-24T12:04:00.001-04:00

Well, this week started off okay...just some interesting side effects. The "mild bone pain" from the Neulasta shot was delightful. I can't wait to experience that again...I wonder if they will be able to reduce it or something, as that pain was quite interesting. I don't really know how to describe the feeling from that stuff...your bones ache from the inside...I think my marrow was screaming out in some sort of unhappy key. My bloodwork Thursday showed a very high White Blood Cell count...so we'll see how it does over the next couple of weeks...and yes, I guess I have to have WBCs...hmmm.
I bleed very easily right now...scratches, picks, bumps. Lots of fun bruises too. I find that I have to be very careful not to cut myself. I still have a bruise on my inner elbow where Nurse Tech Evilness pulled blood a week and a half ago. I wonder if they can find a good vein in my ass, so I don't have to keep going around looking like a junkie. Hmm.
Starting on Monday, my face broke out...my mouth and nose went completely dry, and my eyes started to get these lovely crusties. Then I started in with some symphonic gas...very pleasant farts, I must say. I wish I could produce those on demand...could end some unfortunate situations more quickly. Must research this. Diarrhea started Monday night...glad it waited until I got home from work. Good stuff. Even better on Tuesday when (while working at home) my body decided that it was gonna let loose right then no matter what. I have to say, my pants did NOT deserve that. And Sarge, I love ya, you are a wonderful dog, but please, if that happens again, I will clean the floor myself. You need not "help."
Truly nothing more disgusting than crapping your own pants.
I called the Doc's office to discuss the gas/bloating before the diarrhea started...they switched me to a bland diet--yum, 36 hours of broth...then Immodium to stop the spraypainting.
So on Wednesday, I realized that I recognized a lot of the symptoms I was having. Lucky me, I had a "Systemic Yeast Infection." Funny, I had it everywhere except where you'd expect. Eyes, nose, mouth, butt? Oh, now that is fun. Apparently, the steroids may have set that off...or my knocked-down immune system.
I had nose bleeds from it on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...fun. Now I was really looking like a junkie, crusty face, crusty eyes, arm bruises and all. I remember having Systemic Yeast Infections like 16 years ago...from steroids then...hmmm. Gave me bad gas and diarrhea and all of the other symptoms except nose bleeds...
Saw one of the other Oncologists at the Dr.'s office Thursday...to be sure it was a Yeast Infection...and it was/is. She started me on fluconazole to kill off the infection...and it is working very nicely. Nose feels about 50% better today, mouth is much better (Thrush sucks), eyes are happier, face still has some issues (hey, that is what makeup is for), butt is happier. I like a happy butt. No more diarrhea, gas or bloating. Doc said that they may have to keep me on fluconazole (an anti-fungal) during chemo to ward off these issues. High dose too...200mg. Hell, if it works, I am not going to complain.
Also during the Dr. visit, she reviewed my bloodwork and the ultrasound results for my thyroid. I have a 3 cm node on my thyroid that needs to be biopsied soon. Doc didn't look worried, and just said that they needed to look into it further. I really hope it is nothing...I don't have a whole lot of body parts left for folks to just keep yanking out of me. If they have to take that...I "get" to have another surgery (on my NECK eek)...and then I would have to have synthroid the rest of my life. Sheesh. Let's just hope it is nothing...OK?
Bloodwork good.
More bloodwork on Thursday...then next chemo on Thursday after that (November 5th). No date/time yet for the thyroid biopsy, but will have that very soon.
Went up to the office 3 days this week...yesterday (Friday) was the longest day at the office...and I really felt pretty well. I do get very tired EARLY...like around 8 or 9 PM (especially if I have not had a nap during the day), and I am waking up fairly early too. Sleeping okay, better the past couple of nights...been taking Ativan to help me sleep more consistently...I had been waking up every 1.5 hours or so.
My sister left on Tuesday to go back to Texas, take care of a few things, get her truck and slowly head back this way to stay with me during this. I miss her already and am looking forward to having her back. Cheri went home very early Wednesday AM. I really enjoyed having her here...it is so nice to have a friend like her my life. I hope to be able to go see her and her hubby Kevin while they are still living in Alaska. And maybe they both can make their way out to FL next time!

My hair: my scalp has been feeling weird all week...like a dull aching feeling. So, I got a wild impulse to have my hair chopped short...heck, I figure I could try it for a week or so before it fell out. Not really my style, to be honest...it is "fun," but I really do like having long hair. We shall see. Other body hair is starting to thin out, so I am curious when I get to go "monk!" I will give my sis the honor of shaving my head when it starts to go...I think...;-) I am getting the hats ready!

Off to eat some "real food" and not broth. Thank goodness I can eat again!
~Tory

Chemo Weekend Uno...not too yucky...but it sure does smell bad ;-)

2009-10-19T08:21:00.001-04:00

Well, this weekend was my first "recovery period" after chemo session 1 of 6. I felt pretty good getting up on Saturday, although I had heartburn and gas times 10. I was able to manage most of the symptoms with the medications that were prescribed...I even felt well enough to go out with Becky and Cheri to have lunch, do some touristy stuff, visit the SunCoast Seabird Sanctuary and the beach! Now, when I got home after that, I slept for about 14 hours (on and off).
The "bone pain" from the Neulasta is the absolute PITS. "Mild" is an understatement from hell. I trudged through it Saturday, but Sunday it was worse. I did some research on the Internet and found that some folks had good results taking Claritin (yep...that stuff). So, I researched that to ensure there were no counterindications with the meds I have had or am currently taking, I found none, so I tried the Claritin. It helped a bit...not a whole lot, but some.
Sunday was mostly a rest day. I napped and played on the computer some. I was really super gassy yesterday...reminded me of when I used to have my gallbladder :-) Oh well...
Battling a little with constipation...taking Colace to help...ate apples and spinach with dinner...I may regret that for a bit today, but it beats being stopped up. Meh. Funny how life changes you...used to be worried about this and that, and now all I want is "normal bowel movements!" LOL.
Still have some bone pain today. Less than yesterday, but the more I move around, the more it seems to alert me to its presence. Sheesh...feels like massive growing pains. I am not in the mood to grow anything, dammit.

~with love from the farty boobless one with "mild bone pain" in Florida,
Tory

The Day After My First Chemo

2009-10-16T19:30:00.000-04:00

I have to say that I feel great today. Just a bit gassy (farty and burpy), but for those of you who know me, I doubt that seems abnormal. I will say that I have not been this gassy since I had my gallbladder removed some time ago. I just don't have the stomach problems I used to. I still have reflux and heartburn, and this stuff is pretty bad (what I am experiencing now), but hey, I'm not barfing (which to me, is pretty good!)
I was very "flushed" this AM...red as a beet (nurses later told me that this was likely due to the steroid, Decadron). A little hyper also from the steroid.
I drove myself over to Tampa to get my Neulasta shot and to talk with the woman trying to schedule me for my thyroid ultrasound. The Neulasta shot was quick and easy...nurse told me to take some Advil with food to combat any possible side-effects (mostly "bone pain"). I did and still do have some minor pain in my lower back and pelvic region, but Advil has helped so far.
St. Joseph's Medical Arts folks were able to get me in for the ultrasound right after my injection, so I went over there to have that done. That was fairly quick and easy...the tech said there were quite a few nodules, but that is not necessarily abnormal. Hey, we'll see. At least if there is thyroid cancer, they just yank it out and there is no additional treatment needed other than taking synthroid the rest of my life (that would suck, don't get me wrong, but it beats some alternatives I can think of!!!)
Anyway, went over to the office for a while to check in with folks and catch up with my boss and our CEO. That was nice. My boss and I had discussed a few things earlier over the phone, so I have my marching orders. Started to get a bit tired, so I left for home.
Feeling a bit tired tonight...and intermittently warm then cold...skin feels hot to the touch. I am still very gassy...oh well, I will just let folks know it is my "calling card..." so if you smell something bad, it may have been a small gift from me & my bowels (courtesy of my cancer treatment, thank you!) Ugh, heartburn is the pits though. This stuff is pretty damn harsh. I thought I knew my heartburn...but alas, this shit means business. Must drink more Mylanta. May have to go for the Gaviscon soon.
Oooh...need cold drink now.
More soon!

Appointment with the Oncologist, Test Results, and Chemo 1 of 6

2009-10-16T19:18:00.000-04:00

So, October 15, 2009 was my first date with Chemo. The afternoon of the 14th, the Dr.'s office staff called me and asked me to come in earlier. I failed to ask "why" they wanted this, so I proceeded to freak myself out about the reason they may want to have me come in earlier (this appointment was also where I would hear about my PET/CT/Bone Scan tests.) Yeah, Josh, my Mom and Cheri worked on convincing me that it was just because of cancellations or needing to move around the schedule for something.
I put the Lidocaine Cream on my port area about 1.5 hours prior to my appointment...my mom suggested this based on her experiences with her Dialysis.
Anyway, had my usual bloodwork then my meeting with Dr. Wright, my Medical Oncologist. Cheri and my sister Becky were there with me and they both met him. I asked immediately about my test results, and he said I was "fine." He was surprised I had not been called with the results. I was so relieved to hear that there were no other cancers showing up on my tests...so freakin' relieved!!! There were a couple of anomalies...some nodules on my thyroid, doc said he does not think they are cancer...lots of folks have nodules there, but he wants an ultrasound done "soon." There were some other minor things that I can follow up on later, but my bloodwork was just fine, so there are no real concerns. No other cancer...no metatastes. Thank the universe!!!
So, lots more questions for the doc--mostly about what to expect from the meds, when I should call or be concerned about side effects, etc. He basically said that he did not want me to have side effects or be too affected by them, so he said to let the nurses or him know right away. The nursing staff would be going over all of the potential side effects, when to take the additional medications I had picked up the day before (on what schedule, etc) and other issues.
Went back to the chemo-administration area...nurse put some spray on the site they "jack in" to, and I did not feel a thing when they went in. Hmmm. Not so bad! So treatment started with Aloxi (anti-nausea) then Decadron (steroid to combat any possible reactions to the meds). Then the Chemo: Taxotere...next was the "Loading Dose" of Herceptin (was supposed to get Carboplatin first, but it was not ready yet, and the Herceptin was), then the Carboplatin. About 20 minutes into the Carboplatin, I started having a weird reaction...I felt so freakin' hot from the inside (like a Hot Flash times 10), this weird pain down my left arm...and I started to get tunnel vision. AND, my eyes felt like this strange "wetness" behind them...like cold wetness behind my eyes (weird?) I think I could have passed out, but then again...I may have been able to keep from doing it. My sis went and got the nurse who stopped the meds right away. She gave me some Saline fluids until they could get the doc to check on me. We decided to start again, and I got the same type of response but cut in about half. So, they gave me an IV Push of Decadron. Now...earlier, I had the Decadron over about 20 minutes, this was a push--immediate, and no one told me that there could be some side effects from that!!! Such as: my crotch suddenly felt like I had fire ants biting me all at once!!! Then it spread to a couple of other spots, including the top of my head. That was freaky...I guess if I had known I was going to have "ants" in my crotch and on the top of my head, it would have been easier to handle mentally!
Well, after that wore off a bit, they started me back on Carboplatin again slowly...then they sped it up, no weird response. The Nurse Oncology Trainer sat with me and indicated that she though it might have been the Herceptin that caused me to have the response. Who knows. I suppose I will find out next time.
Anyway, Chemo lasted until 5:45 PM...so I was on the IV from 12PM until then. Wow. Long time. Oh well...one chemo down, just 5 to go of these combo treatments. Still have 16 doses more of Herceptin though.
Ok...so my hair will be gone sometime between 10-18 days after the treatment yesterday...I've decided I am going to be a monk for Halloween. Just need some orange fabric to make a sheath to wear--with my bald head!
After Becky, Cheri and I left, I had Becky go through the drive through at Wendy's...my friend (and fellow Breast Cancer Survivor) Cindy K told me that I might want cold things...she was so correct! I got a Frosty and finished it within about 6 minutes. Damn, that was good. We also went to the CVS on the way home to pick up some Benadryl...to counteract some of the additional side effects I tried to have during treatment.
So, last night was okay really. I just had to take all of my anti-nausea meds and Benadryl...and I slept GREAT. I really did not expect to, and the nurses told me that I may not--but I was fine!
Still felt like I had a furnace burning inside of every single cell of my body...hotter than Hell...oh well. Just keep that fan on me and sweat it out! Drinking lots of fluids to stay hydrated and work everything out.
No real nausea last night...just gassy in my lower intestines and burpy with lots of heartburn. That, I can handle.
Cancer Sucks...at least it appears to have all been cut out so far...now we are covering the "just in case" portion. I really could be quite happy never doing this over again!!!

Shew!

Bone Scan, Monday, 10-12-09

2009-10-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

The Bone Scan was scheduled for 9:45 AM on Monday, 10/12/09...my friend Cheri came in to town on the afternoon of the 11th, so she accompanied me for this test. This was again done at St. Joseph's Hospital Medical Arts Building. We went upstairs fairly quickly, I was ushered back to the same place where they did the PET Scan on Friday...they gave me the shot (again, it was encased in a leaded sheath)...then they told me to leave for 3 hours...walk around a mall or something, and drink lots of fluids. I had no idea that we had to come back after the injection! Oh well...Cheri and I went and hit the local JC Penney...heck, they were having one of their killer sales, so we went to town! On the way back to the test...we stopped in for a snack at Sonic.
So, the Bone Scan itself was a bit strange...this large plate comes down toward your face while you are laying down on the table...it takes about 30 minutes or so for all of the pics to be taken. The computer was near me, so after the pics of my head and upper torso were done, I was able to crank my neck around to look at the screen. Odd...I got to see my skeleton. That was cool. I could also see my bladder very clearly...the contrast was really hanging out in there. At first it freaked me out, but I figured...yeah, that would be my bladder.
So, Cheri and I left after this to go by Whole Foods...and then head back to the house. I was extraordinarily tired after this. I just lay down in bed and chatted on the phone until I crashed out. I felt like I had been hit by a truck by about 8PM that night. I slept until about 2AM, woke up and went back to sleep until about 9AM. I felt much better Tuesday morning...did a bit of work from home.
Anyway...still on the waiting game for results...

ECG and PET Scan 10-9-09

2009-10-16T18:13:00.000-04:00

On October 9, 2009, I went in to St. Joseph's Hospital Medical Arts Building for my ECG and PET Scan. My friend, Lynda R. met me there to keep my nerves from going too crazy. I am glad she was there, although, I did feel kind of bad for her having to wait on me so long. The ECG was fairly quick...and there were no problems with the technician getting an image of my heart.
The PET Scan was interesting...this was the test I had to stay away from pregnant women and small children after the test...they brought the contrast injection out in a lead sheath...funny...they can inject me...! Well, I had to lay down for 1 hour and be as still and as quiet as possible for that time. Lynda got to watch me nap for an hour while the contrast worked through my system. So then, the PET Scan. I had to hold my arms above my head for about 25 minutes...they would have let me hold them to the side, but they get better images with the arms up...I am supposing they did the CT then the PET together. It was uncomfortable, but it was not too bad. My arms were totally asleep afterward though.
Anyway, just have to wait on results...

More tests...or how to make Tory glow?

2009-10-08T13:27:00.000-04:00

On Monday, 10-5-09, I got a call from St. Joseph's Hospital to set me up for an Echocardiogram, a full-body PET Scan and a Bone Scan. The PET and Bone scans are both "nuclear" tests that involve injections...so they cannot be done on the same day. Luckily, the folks at St. Jo's were nice enough to lump a couple of them together for me.

I have my Echocardiogram at 10:30 AM on Friday, 10-9-09, and, after a short break, I get injected for the PET Scan that I will have at about 1PM. In preparation for the PET Scan, I have to be super "lazy" all day today (Thursday), the day before the test. I also have to fast for 6 hours prior (except for water), and I am not supposed to "hang out" with small children or pregnant women after the test. The small children/pregnant women thing is a bit disconcerting. I mean...inject ME with the stuff...but then don't get around munchkins after...you might royally screw them up!!! I did ask if I could "plug myself in" to the hospital power grid and run the facility for a while after the test...um, they told me I might just be able to do that! Hell, if I have to have the stuff...at least make it useful...gotta love "nuclear medicine!"

The Echocardiogram is basic stuff...an ultrasound of my heart. Goopy goo--hope they warm it, I have been so cold-sensitive lately. I have had one done once before...I just remember being told my ribs are very close together, so they had trouble getting a good looksie at the ol' ticker...they ended up doing a lot of the looking from the bottom of my ribcage. We shall see how it goes this time.

The PET Scan sounds rather entertaining...laying down for up to 45 minutes with whirring/banging and other fun stuff similar to the MRI. Oh, that is after being injected with the radiotracer glucose stuff. Fun fun! It is interesting to note, that the PET Scan cannot detect cellular-level cancers...it locates masses...they can be small masses, but as I was keenly made aware, much of the cancer in my left breast was so new it was only detectable on the cellular level...the pathology studies were key in seeing all of the processes going on. So, we are looking for masses...breast cancer likes to spread to the liver, bones and brain...no more cancer dammit...mine is not allowed to have spread! If so, the chemo will kill it. I am determined!

Since I feel so great (sarcasm) about tests like these, I asked my friend Lynda R. to accompany me Friday. She will meet me at St. Jo's in the morning...I know it will probably be a bit boring for her (I know, I get to have all the fun!); however, I am truly grateful that she will be there with me. It just helps my nerves to not sit there all quiet...reading some goofy article in "Redbook" and psyching myself out in the worst way. Thank you Lynda! You will help to preserve what little sanity I have managed to maintain this year!!!

Ok...Monday the 12th is when I get the Bone Scan. Same place, at St. Jo's in Tampa...I get more radioactive tracer injected into me (woo hoo!) and they look for both "hot" and "cold" spots on the imaging. Interesting...tumours (benign and malignant) are indicated by hot or cold spots depending on blood supply to the area or the amount of the tracer they absorb. Hmmm...learning more than I ever wanted to know about nuclear medicine...

My friend Cheri F. is coming in to town on Sunday the 11th, so she will have the treat of hanging out with me on Monday for the Bone Scan stuff. Again...I can literally drive myself bonkers during tests like these...I have a tendency to pull inward emotionally and sleep for ridiculous amounts of time after even basic tests. It will be nice to have Cheri there with me!

Well...that's all on the upcoming tests for now...I am off to be super lazy. Hmmm...what to do?

NO MORE DRAINS!!!

2009-10-03T21:34:00.001-04:00

YEAH! Those darn drains came out yesterday without too much fanfare. The doc just cut the stitch and pulled back quickly. I felt no pain from him removing the drains...just a strange funky feeling under my skin. I did not watch them come out...I really did not want to. I have watched other folks have various surgical drains removed...seemed horrific to me, so I just watched the ceiling. Not bad. I really had no idea what it would feel like, as I had heard all sorts of things. One person told me it tickled. I suppose that could be...but no tickle for me, just strangeness.
The stitch on the left side did give me a bit of a start...just a sharp jab-like pain after he cut it. The doc was nowhere near me when it hit, so I really don't know what that was about. Just decided to jab a bit.
So, the doc just put bandages over the sites and sent me on my merry way...after he asked me about what I thought of his friend, and my new Medical Oncologist, Dr. Wright. I told him that he seemed very bright, friendly, and he seemed to know his stuff. I told him I appreciated the referral to him and would let him know how things go over time.
So, how does it feel to have my damn Jackson-Pratt drains out? Just WONDERFUL!!! It is so nice to be able to put on "normal" clothes and not have to cover up lines and bulbs. It was just so freakin' discouraging every time I would get caught on something. And, when you had to shove them up against you to try to "hide" them to go out in public...well. Makes me think there has to be some way to create something that would work better...maybe my sister and I could develop something for other folks...something to help out in the shower too...that was a royal pain in the ass having to figure out what to hook them to while I was showering. I ended up using black satin cording around my neck or a lanyard to hook them on while in the shower...but really? There should be something that would work better and be more comfortable. Must remember to research this. Hmmm...
Anyway, I feel like a new woman! Boobless (for now), but a new woman nonetheless!

My Drains are coming out!!!

2009-10-01T17:50:00.000-04:00

Yay! My drains are coming out tomorrow! They are each draining less than 30 ml per 24-hour period, so it is time for them to remove the Jackson Pratt Drains. I've had them for just over 2 weeks now...hell, I've had one on the left for 4 weeks so far. So, at 1PM, they are coming out. I will be going over to Tampa to see Dr. Cox, who will be removing them for me.

Aaah...no more drain lines or bulbs to try and hide through creative wardrobing. No more danglies. Woo hoo!

Medical Oncologist Appointment...PET/Bone Scan info...chemo schedule...

2009-09-30T22:05:00.000-04:00

This morning, I had my first appointment with Dr. David D. Wright with Gulfcoast Oncology Associates (http://www.gulfcoastoncology.com/) over in Tampa. The office is right next to St. Joseph's Hospital and is not too far from home to make it inconvenient.

I have to say I was horribly anxious last night and before the appointment. I had trouble sleeping...just going over the questions again and again in my head. I had typed them up this time...and added more questions in pen as they came to me.

My friend and fellow Breast Cancer Survivor, Cindy, joined me for the meeting with the doc...she also brought with her a book, Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, and a gift bag with a Breast Cancer Awareness TY Beanie Baby...a cute keychain and a card. I really appreciated her being there...and I love my little gifts!

Dr. Wright is young...like Dr. Cox, and he is very energetic, smiley and kind. He made me comfortable right away, answered all of my questions, and just generally was pleasant. Since I don't really enjoy meeting new doctors...it was nice to again like someone right away (similar to Dr. Cox). I feel like he took a lot of time with me to go over treatment options and the questions I had or ones that came up. Cindy was beneficial to catch some additional questions that I had missed. Thanks Cindy!

Okay, so next week, I will be having the PET and Bone Scan. Dr. Wright's office will set this up and call me to tell me where and when this will occur. They will attempt to get this scheduled somewhere closer to where I live for my convenience. Dr. Wright will discuss with me the results of the tests when they are available.

The "Standard Protocol" for my type of Breast Cancer is TCH, Toxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin. I will be receiving the three drugs via my chemo port (on the upper left side of my chest) every 3 weeks for 6 total sessions. After that, the Herceptin will continue to be administered in the same manner, every 3 weeks for an additional 11 doses (17 doses total of Herceptin). Radiation will be with the Radiation Oncologist after the first 6 doses of chemo.

Chemotherapy will begin in 2 weeks, on October 15th. This will give me additional time to recover from the bilateral mastectomy that was just 2 weeks ago...thank goodness! And it will provide some time for the PET/Bone Scan to be completed with results provided to the doc. I will be receiving chemo at the office I was at today, and I toured the area to make sure I would feel comfortable there. It was fine...not dissimilar to the setup my mom has for her dialysis treatments. Luckily, I will only have to be there for 4-4.5 hours every 3 weeks. Heck, mom gets dialysis 3X a week...I think I can handle hanging out there with no problem!

I am having the chemo administered on Thursday afternoons, then I can get a shot on Friday (anti-nausea and other meds if necessary) and recover over the weekend. This way it will not interfere too much with work. The shot may include steroids (although we are going to be very careful with this) Neulasta and/or Procrit. Decadron was also mentioned. I have had interesting responses in the past to some steroid medications, so the doc will be watching this closely. I distinctly remember the last time someone gave me Prednisone...I experienced insomnia for 3 days...AND acute psychosis. Fun stuff! Hell, I managed the psychosis okay...nothing like a break from reality. No one at the UNT Criminal Justice Graduate Studies Department seemed to mind so much...maybe I didn't seem that different than my normal crazy self? Anyway, I told the doc he needed to watch steroid issues with me closely...and he indicated he would be available via phone if needed.

Ok...17 to 18 days after chemo, I will lose my hair. Yes, it will grow back, but ugh. The doc gave me a script for a "hair prosthesis!" That would be insurance jargon for a freakin' wig!!! And that's only the one for my insurance...apparently, "scalp prosthetic" is also used. That one seems wrong to me...my scalp won't fall off...although I didn't ask that question specifically (joking). Well...thank goodness Halloween is coming up...should be no shortage of goofy wigs I can don--for shits and giggles. I will probably get a good one though...we'll see. I have always been so hot natured...lately I have been feeling the effects of cold more...I may just need one. Who knows. I always did like hats...and my sis is a rad knitter. Note to self: find awesome cotton hats...allergic to wool, so wool is out. Maybe Lindsey Lohan (sp?) will date someone (else) who likes good hats this time. Much easier when I can buy hats at Target.

I also have this lidocaine cream that I have to rub on my chemo port prior to my sessions...my mom does this to her wrist before her dialysis...I will get with her for tips on how to best use this stuff. Crazy, the port is just below my skin, and they just go right in with the needle/chemo drugs. EEK. I'll probably need anti-nausea meds just to handle that shit to be honest!

What else? Oh, blood will be checked at each session, prior to starting...and I meet with the doc prior to each session. AND, the doc will be doing the genetic BRCA testing. It is covered by my insurance because I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

OH...and if you are wondering how I will feel after chemo: Doc says I will feel like I have a mild hangover the day after chemo...along with a couple of days after that. He also indicated that nausea is an issue...although I kind of figured this...and when the nurse gave me a script for 3 different prescription medications for nausea, I could tell they were serious!!! Apparently, they will also be giving me anti-nausea meds with the chemo meds as well. I am thinking that someone may have experienced nausea in the past...maybe they were just covering their bases? ;-)

I think that is all for now...although my brain is mush from today. Heck, I had 2 hardcore naps after the appointment. Even with that damn Starbucks fix! Note to self: buy Starbucks store. Give free coffee to everyone on 9/11.

With love,
The boobless one in West Central Florida...the one searching the internet for a hair prosthesis...really? OH shit could I have fun with some wigs...
~Tory :-)

P.S. Doc says I look really strong and vibrant...and that I will be just fine. I know I will. I just like hearing a younger man tell me I look strong and vibrant!

Post Surgical Followup Appointment-Finally, some Good News!

2009-09-25T22:09:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday morning I was incredibly nervous about my followup appointment with my Surgical Oncologist. I also had to find something appropriate to wear "out and about" that hid my damn drain lines and bulbs that are hanging out of my chest. I basically had to imagine that I was wearing two side arms...like an overzealous detective...but it worked...and it made me laugh! I wore a tank top with a gauzy flowy, oversized jacket thingy that hid my side arms...(the lines/bulbs/and my chest.)

I opted to drive over to Tampa for the appointment, and it was my first time to drive since the surgery on 9/16/09. My dad was actually the one who offered to let me drive...and for those of you who have been in a vehicle with my dad behind the wheel, Tory on Percoset is a better driver than dad in his best possible shape (sorry Dad, love you!) Anyway, driving was a bit (okay, very) tiring and it made me sore. Made it over to the appointment just a few minutes late. I also drove us home...stopping at Starbucks on the way (gasp!) We also had to stop in at the drugstore, as I had split some of the incision points (yeoch...not too badly tho)...and I needed gauze, tape, antibiotic ointment, and Vitamin E Oil (thanks, Mel for the suggestion on the Vit E--works like a charm!) Yeah, I was incredibly tired after all of this, and I had one hell of a nap to "celebrate." Funny how you just crash out after a sort of "anxiety release." <--insert lots of jokes about men falling asleep after sex.

During the appointment, Doctor Cox, my Surgical Oncologist, was his usual cheerful self, and we read through the older-style Tampa General Hospital Pathology Report (the Moffitt and UCH reports were made using some newer software and were much easier to read and decipher) during the visit. I had my usual list of questions that we went through...

Left Breast: completely removed; additionally, all cancer was completely removed with good, clear margins; ample margin between cancer and chest wall; ample margin between cancer and skin surface; the final measurement of the cancer is about 4 cm...although it was so abnormally shaped...and much of the actual cancer was happening on a microscopic level, it had not formed into an actual "mass" per se. The rest of my left breast was full of fybrocystic breast disease--nothing too abnormal.

Doc said that I heal "very well" and he had no suggestions for me to follow/no specific change in anything. I asked him this as he had just performed the left breast lumpectomy just 2 weeks prior...and he would have been able to see how well/not I was healing from it.

Right Breast: completely removed. No cancerous cells found in breast tissue or the sentinel lymph nodes that were removed; however, there were numerous indications of some early pre-cancerous activity. The right breast was also full of fybrocystic breast disease (again, this is not too abnormal, lots of folks have that--surprised I felt no pain from it!) Essentially, I would probably have developed breast cancer in the right breast sometime in the near future. I feel very strongly that I made the correct decision in having the double mastectomy. Hell, it is a shock to look at the results...but at least I am here and able to look in the mirror at this odd breastless-being I have become ;-)

As you know, I have two drains hanging out of my chest. Unfortunately, the drains could not be removed during the appointment, as I am still draining more than the "less than 30 ml" requirement for removal. You could tell the doc really wanted to help me out by taking them out, but I really did not expect them to come out so soon. Besides, I find that they are a really handy-dandy place to keep the gun powder for my musket.

I received the Pathology report from Moffitt as well...they did some further testing and did the staging unlike the first surgical pathology report...pT2, pN1a, pMX with venous/lymphatic invasion present, extensive.

I asked the doc if the Moffitt report provided him with additional information he felt would be useful to him...as I could request the Tampa General Pathology slides be sent over there too. Dr. Cox did not feel like the additional information (other than what had been provided) would be beneficial at this point. If the Medical or Radiation Oncologist want the info, I will have the second review done by Moffitt.

Also, the Stage is at II instead of IIIa...this makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Cancer staging says a LOT about ultimate prognosis (okay, chances of death within 5 years), so the lower the number the better, statistically speaking. Now, I can say that I have always been an outlier on, well, everything, so I will just have to continue using that to my advantage. And right now, I see no advantageousness in my own death ;-)

Dr. Cox indicated that he would assist me in any way I needed to ensure my care was properly coordinated. He asked that I call him with any problems or issues I may be having.
I told him that I felt like he a lot of faith in his recommendations of the Medical/Radiation Oncologists...so I asked him what exactly made him recommend them. He indicated that he knew both of the docs and that the three of them speak regularly, throughout the week, and that they were all "friends." I told him that I would go with them as long as the three of them coordinated my treatment and worked with ME as a team. There are too many other options out there for me to feel uncomfortable with a doctor or the way a group of people work together for me to put something so serious as my own cancer treatment in the hands of people I cannot stand to work with!

Honestly, this is too emotional of a disease...and I have to be the head-honcho in control of my care. Some folks might not want that...hell, I have to have it...that's just who I am.

Next steps:
I need to call the Medical Oncologist to set up an appointment (this was done today, and my appointment is 9/30/09 at 9:15 AM).
The Medical Oncologist will coordinate the PET/Bone Scan, the Genetic Testing, and will begin to work with me on chemotherapy plans. It is possible that by Wednesday, I will know exactly when chemo will start. I should know most of the medications they plan to use...so I can research them prior to starting. I do know that they will be hitting me pretty "hard" with chemo...as I am young, I had an aggressive "grade" of cancer, and the fact that the cancer was HER2+ (also aggressive). I fully expect they will be recommending "Double Density" chemo....along with Herceptin. This would mean I receive the traditional chemo in heavier doses, every other week for just over 3 months. Additionally, Herceptin would be given weekly for about a year.
Since they will find NO OTHER cancer dammit on the PET/Bone Scan (positive thoughts!), this should be the worst part of the treatment...and it will be over...then Radiation will begin for about 6 weeks.

I also need to call back the Radiation Oncologist to determine if I need to see them now or sometime after chemo starts.

Reconstruction: I can begin this journey once chemo and radiation are completed--about 6 months out. I have tons of folks giving me recommendations on reconstructive plastic surgeons...Dr. Cox has some recommendations as well. I will just (mentally) have to look at this later, as I am kind of stuck with the indentions I have now...that is what I will call them instead of "former breasts..." how's about "the indentions formerly known as breasts?" I have had the pleasure of looking at tons of photos online of reconstructive surgery before and after pics. I should warn you...if you choose to look at these for shits and giggles, they are NOT for the faint of heart. Wow.

Returning to work: I should be able to start back to work on Monday...slowly, with some work from home (remote computer access rocks!)...up to 4 hours a day, 2 hours at a time. Limited driving at this point. I will slowly get back up to a normal work schedule over a few weeks. This is good...I am ready to go back (slowly...I am still way too tired throughout the day to go full on!)

Alrighty then...I think that is all for now...

With love and affection, and from the boobless one in West-Central Florida,
Tory

Post-Surgical Follow Up Appointment on Thursday 9/24/09

2009-09-24T00:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I have my follow up appointment tomorrow morning (okay, this morning if you are watching the clock)...with my Surgical Oncologist, Dr. John M. Cox, to discuss how I am doing since my double mastectomy last week. They will check on the incisions...the Jackson-Pratt drains, etc.

I will also get my pathology reports from the surgery...these actually scare me a bit, as last time (when I had the lumpectomy), there was so much more cancer than we had initially thought...this is when I learned that the MRI had missed the size/amount of cancer in my left breast, and that the MRI had missed the cancer in my lymph nodes. Hopefully, there was NO cancer in the right breast they removed...and none in the sentinel nodes they removed on the right as well. Also, I am desperately hoping that all of the damn cancer in the left breast was removed...with ample clear margins...dammit!

So...pathology report...we will also get the information from the Moffitt 2nd opinion I asked for on the 1st pathology report. Hopefully this will give me some additional information the original path report did not include (doc said Moffitt had estimated the stage at IIIa, still "early" but a hell of a lot different than stage I).

Anyway, will also find out about PET/bone scan (when it will be and where); and I should have a better idea about when I will be meeting with chemo and radiation oncologists. I have some decisions about whether or not I want to use the folks Dr. Cox recommends...I will be doing some research on this in the next couple of days...there are certainly no shortage of options in those departments.

Off to sleep...more very soon!

Fiber-Padded Fake-Boob Soup for the Soul...

2009-09-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well, let's see where we are at tonight...I am just shy of one week since my surgery...I had a double "simple" mastectomy at Tampa General Hospital last Wednesday morning (yes, I had both my boobies lobbed off.) During the surgery, the doc found no sentinel nodes in the right side that showed signs of cancer (so I still have lymph nodes on the right), and the right breast appeared to be free from cancer cells (yay!) The left breast was full of cancer cells (boo!)...so the doc took out a lot of tissue to make sure he got as much as possible. I had them remove both breasts because, when told that the left-side lumpectomy was unsuccessful and a mastectomy was needed, I figured that if you are going to take one, you are taking both. Hell, that way I wouldn't be lopsided (or any more off than I already am), nor would I be scared shitless that they had somehow missed something in the right breast (etc., etc.)

I have to say that you can never really be prepared for how a mastectomy looks. I saw some pictures on the internet and all...but when it is YOU, it is certainly different. You could also not be prepared for the sheer amount of tissue and flesh removed. I really did not expect to be, well...concave? The doc says that will "fill in" a bit over time, as my body heals from the surgery. And the wounds...well, they are ugly--they are like big gashes, actually. He used surgical glue, so I have no stitches or anything...but wow. If I try to make a "joke" of it...the best one I can come up with is that with my two gashes and my bellybutton, it looks like some stuffed animal sleeping? I could probably do a video on YouTube or something...but I am just not that irrational...really, I am not.

Emotionally, I am dealing. I think. I did have some trouble yesterday...my mom and dad were here and they wanted me to join them for a nice dinner out. I tried to get ready...I was dressed and all, but I just could not get comfortable in my clothes...I do still have two drains coming out of my chest, and they have bulbs at the end of them that just do not "store" well--no matter how you try to hide them or whatever. You can try to smash the bulbs and tubes into your skin as much as possible, but that is just horribly uncomfortable...sweaty, pokey, weirdness. Also, fiber "pads" that fit into my "mastectomy camisole" are truly goofy. I will have to find something that works better than that damn camisole...and those fake fiber-paddy boobies were just not working for me. Must try and figure something out before I will get truly comfortable with that business. Hell, maybe I will try "flat" too, but not yet...because (as I said), I am beyond flat at this point!!! So, last night, I ended up deciding not to go out to dinner--they went out together and brought me back food. I just was not ready...and I am okay with that at this point. We're gonna take this one slow and easy...on purpose.

Pain-wise...I get better each day. Really, I have more pain from the 10 feet of drain line they have up in me (slight exaggeration, I know...but hell, that's what it looks and feels like). Yes, I can feel and see the damn drain lines in each former breast (if someone has a better name for this "area" or lack of things...let me know, as I am at a total loss here.) Funny, my sis said Jackson-Pratt drains are kind of like reverse soaker-hoses...hmmm. The internal armpit drains are the worst, as they seem to sit right on top of a muscle I apparently use quite often--wish I didn't, but I do. I am still "draining" quite a bit, so I know that I will be keeping these oddities for a couple of weeks...or more. I wonder if there is any good way to dress them up a bit...if I had "fun" with them I might look at them differently? If I decorated them, could I wear them outside of my clothes and not upset folks? Could I put weights in them and use them in my next street fight?

Oh, the pain in my right upper arm from the lumpectomy and axillary node dissection I had a couple of weeks ago is still there and prominent. Overall, there has been some pain...mostly muscular and drain discomfort; however, percoset has been helpful in keeping the pain quite manageable--oh yeah. I am slowing down on my percoset consumption...and find that the more rest I get (sleep at night and naps during the day, to be specific) the more manageable it is (I honestly think your mind "copes" with the pain better with more real sleep.)

Anyway...aside from discomfort, funky drains hanging out from me (and snaked up in me), needing lots of extra sleep, and wardrobe issues...I think the LOOK of the result is most problemmatic. Surgery can be emotional to begin with...but this one packs an added punch. We'll see how I handle it over time...I know that I will likely subject myself to the further surgeries of reconstruction...there are multiple surgeries needed for this (most often 2, but sometimes more). I already have folks suggesting particular reconstructive plastic surgeons. Time will tell :-)

So what is next?
I have my follow-up appointment to my surgery on Thursday at 10:30 AM. My dad will be going with me. During that, we will get the final pathology report: find out if the margins on the mastectomy were clear...hopefully there is no infiltration into the chest wall; we will know for sure if there were any cancer cells in the right breast or the sentinel nodes that were removed; and we should know the final size of the cancer that was in my left breast. As far as we knew from the last surgery, we were looking at 4 to 5 centimeters (which was a hell of a lot larger than what was indicated on the mammo, the ultrasound and the MRI). I am hoping that this post-surgical appointment will be much more positive and uplifting compared to the last one :-) I really need some good news at this point (and I don't want to keep holding on to the initial results of "no cancer in the right boob you just had cut off!!!")
I have to make appointments to get the PET scan and Bone Scan (Bone Scan done as part of the PET scan). This will help us determine if there is any cancer in the rest of my body. My feeling is that there is not...however, I need to get used to the PET scans...this will likely be something I do annually or more often if indicated, for many many moons!
I also need appointments with the Radiological Oncologist and the Medical Oncologist. Pending the results of the PET, I should have a very good idea of when they want chemo to begin...along with what medications they would want to use during chemo. I will also have an idea of when radiation should begin. On chemo and radiation: I still have some options with these...I have some decisions to make about what I want or do not want. I have the chemo port...and I suspect I will be receiving chemo; however, my final decision on that has not been made...I have been reading a lot about Herceptin recently, as my cancer is HER2 Positive. Clinical studies of Herceptin have shown a 52% reduction in recurrence of HER2 positive invasive breast cancers...that's pretty darn good if you ask me. I certainly don't want to keep dealing with this shit over and over again!

That's all for now!

Surgery: Redux Duplex

2009-09-15T23:41:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are interested and keeping tabs on what is going on with my health...
I am having a double simple mastectomy tomorrow morning, 9/16/09, at Tampa General Hospital. My surgeon will also be doing the Sentinel Node Biopsy on the right breast (as he did with the left) to check for cancer. If there is any sign of cancer in the Sentinel Nodes, they will do an axillary node dissection on the right. While there is no indication that there is cancer in my right breast, I feel as if I will be more comfortable having both removed.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a lumpectomy on the left breast...along with an axillary node dissection (there were cancer cells in 2 of the 4 sentinel nodes...and the pathology report showed 1 additional lymph node with cancer cells). So, 3 of 20 left side lymph nodes had cancer cells. My doc was unable to get "clear margins" on what he removed so far, and I don't have much breast tissue left in my left breast, my only option really was to have a mastectomy of the left breast.

When I discussed this with my doc, I felt like we should do a double mastectomy. This was based on a number of factors; namely, the MRI didn't show the amount of cancer in my left breast that was really there...so what IF there is some in the right breast not showing up; if you remove one breast and reconstruct it, it will never "match" the other one; I would be lopsided (lol); I would have an increased chance of recurrence; and so on.

For me, better to have both off...know for sure if the right breast has any cancer or not...get the appropriate treatment...get Cancer-Free...and get a new set of boobs later.
Well, I can't say that I am happy about having to do this...in fact, I am absolutely pissed off. It's a shitty hand to have been dealt, but that's why I like "draw" instead of "stud." Don't like a couple of cards? Throw em back and draw 2 new ones. And that's just what I am gonna do!
Anyway, just a hurdle on the road to becoming Cancer-Free...wish me luck...send me good positive thoughts...pray...drum...yodel...do whatever you do to help me get well! I appreciate it all.

My sister, Becky (who is absolutely the most awesome person) will be logging into my account again tomorrow to post on how I am doing. I never did claim that I am not neurotic.

Have a good one guys...I'll say goodbye to "the girls" for you!

~Tory

Why I will survive (or, how I found my breast lump)

2009-09-13T12:39:00.002-04:00

Lots of folks, men and women, have been asking me about how I found my lump--or why, at the ripe, young age of 34 (now 35) I was having mammograms. Was breast cancer in my family, or what? Well, there is NO breast cancer in my family, no reason for me to think that I would need early testing or anything like that.

After writing this, I realized I not only tell you how I found this damn thing...but I give you a hell of a lot more emotion and background. Some of you may not want to read through...and that is fine (really, no guilt!!!) For you: I did do semi-regular self-exams (about monthly) in the shower, but I had felt nothing unusual. I felt the lump, high on my breast, to the outside, during working out. It felt like a pulled muscle--this was quickly noticed during a weight training routine. It was larger than the muscle area on the other side. I truly thought I had a pulled muscle--it felt like a knot. Then it got painful--like a knife stabbing me from the inside, so I (eventually) had it checked out. Do NOT believe people who say, "It doesn't hurt if it is cancer."

For those of you who want to read further, here is the emotional streaming...the contextual stuff that explains the thought process I went through...and why there was a 4 month delay in testing...and more...because I ramble!

In early March 2009, in the midst of a new workout routine (more weights and upper-body exercises), I felt an area of "hardness" above and to the outside of my breast area. It was where some of the muscles I was using for chest/pectoral muscle exercises were. It was just harder than it was on the other side. I really did not think much of it, as I was working out and exercising those muscles, so I just continued on my merry way. Hell, it was just a pulled muscle to me. I worked out up to 5 times a week...with cardio and weights. Occasional pulled muscles were nothing new...and this felt like a classic "knot." Nothing more, nothing less.

Later in March, something was telling me that I should get it checked. But then it started hurting a bit. And I had heard that damn (and woefully incorrect) saying that, "if it hurts, it's not cancer." Sad how many people think that is true. I kept using that as my mantra...but I kept feeling like I should get it checked anyway. Very low on the priority list. Wow...ME, my health, my well-being was LOW on my priority list!

As I was in the middle of a divorce, living with friends, flying back and forth to Texas, dealing with the emotions of having my mother being very ill, and just generally trying to keep from going completely insane, I kept putting off having it checked. Plus, it hurt, right? Oh, and my regular doctor had retired...so I had to find a new GP (and I hate that...I am uber picky with doctors).

Just after my divorce in early May, that damn spot began to hurt to the point that I could not just talk myself out of it anymore. I started hunting for a new doc...but then I was focused on my possible move back to Texas at that point. The pain felt like knives...or just one knife (hey, my boobs are smallish, multiple knives would not fit!) I would say that it felt like someone was stabbing me from the inside out...through the nipple and up through my neck. It started to wake me up at night. I started to worry...and started researching what this could be. I convinced myself it was a clogged duct, a cyst, or something, anything other thann cancer. Still needed to go to the doctor, dammit!

So, in June, I hunted down a new doc and made an appointment. I missed my first one, as my mother went back into the hospital in DFW/Grapevine. I went back in early July. Of course, my doc felt it and sent me for a mammogram. At that point, in early July, I had made the decision to move back to Texas to be near my family. I was going back and forth so much and had just lost any energy to be in Florida. All of my friends in Florida were supportive...My mom was in and out of the hospital so much, and I just felt like a ping-pong ball flying back and forth...I was totally, completely, fucking TIRED.

My mammogram was scheduled for later in July, so I made a trip out to Texas. I figured I would hang there, look for jobs and make 1 or 2 trips back to Florida (to get my stuff and get medical questions out of the way). The first trip back to Florida was supposed to be for a quick mammogram, to be told I had a cyst or a clogged duct, and I would be relieved and deal with it later. I had turned in my notice at work and had resumes out in DFW. I would move back to DFW and find a job when I got there...health insurance...well, that would have to wait.

I had my first Mammogram at 34 years of age...on Wednesday, 7/22/09. I was scheduled to be in Florida for about a week. I was told that I would have the results early the next week...or by Friday if there were any concerns. I kept telling myself it was nothing...but I have to say that I knew. I knew something was not right...but I had gone so stressed out over everything, I decided it was my MENTAL health that was not right!

On Friday, 7/24/09, my doc's office called me and told me that "further tests are needed."

I was sitting in my truck outside of Starbucks--right next to a Panera (unusual, right?) when they told me...I threw up. Luckily, I had time to open my truck door. Hey...I am not a puker...unless I am completely inebriated or physically ill--I am just not a mental-puker. I guess the stress, the year I had so far, my emotions, the reality, the fear...well, it was one hell of a puke. I cried and puked for about 8 hours that day. Much of it sitting in that parking lot. Those poor folks at Panera...just trying to get a bite to eat. Sucked for them!

So, I went back in on Monday, 7/27/09 for a targeted Mammogram and an ultrasound. A small mass was clear on the ultrasound. The technician brought in the Radiologist, an M.D. He said to me, "I am not 100% sure that is cancer, but it really doesn't look good." I still can picture that small black spot on the ultrasound...it was as if I had seen "my enemy." And I had.

Not-so-good news from the surgeon

2009-09-11T09:49:00.001-04:00

Well, I am very sad to say that the surgeon dropped another bomb on me at the follow-up appointment. He was unable to get "clear margins" with the large amount of tissue he cut out of me last week. He ended up cutting out 2 sections and all were full of cancer to the margins (he cut out up to 9 cm in some areas). If he cuts out any more, I won't have much of anything left...and he will not be able to guarantee he gets it all anyway. Oh, and it is all high-grade cancer cells (meaning they are more aggressive and are least like normal breast cells).

I think the only "good" news from the Pathology Report was that only 3 of the 20 Lymph Nodes removed showed signs of cancer cells...

Unfortunately, I am going to have to have a simple mastectomy. And because I have absolutely NO FAITH in any of my imaging studies done up until now (Ultrasound and MRI)--mostly because the MRI missed that most of my left breast tissue is full of early cancer; I have opted to have BOTH of my breasts removed. I suppose I just have a "gut feeling" that they are going to find cancer in my right breast too...something that is so early that it isn't showing up, and that by the time it does show up it will be so pervasive...well, I am sure you get the gist.

I have to say that this scares me for other people...the cells that are present throughout my left breast are aggressive, ugly little critters that somehow evaded detection by our current technology. I am certainly GLAD that I know they are there...but the only way we knew this was by cutting out chunks of me and looking under a microscope...what if there is other stuff elsewhere that will evade detection for some time? Scary shit!!!
I certainly am very unhappy about having to do the bilateral mastectomy. Actually, it breaks my heart to do it, but I know it is the right thing for me.

Surgeon's guess (Staging without PET/Bone Scan info): Stage IIIa Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, High Grade, HER2+

Next steps:

Having Moffitt Cancer Center do a 2nd opinion on the Pathology Slides (just to be double-sure...I don't doubt the pathology report, I just want a second set of "eyes.") My surgeon's office is already making sure this gets done prior to next Wednesday.

Double Mastectomy with Sentinel Lymph Node biopsy on the Right Breast is scheduled for Wednesday at 7:30 AM. Doing this at Tampa General Hospital. This will require an overnight hospital stay...my Mom is coming in for this one.

PET Scan and Bone Scan will be scheduled as soon as I am a bit healed from the Mastectomy. Although I am scared shitless it will miss something important, it is the best thing we have at this point to make sure I am being fully treated for anything I may have elsewhere. This will give us the "final" info (for now) on the Stage of cancer.

Chemo and Radiation: Chemo will begin after some healing from mastectomy. Possibly 3 months of high density traditional drugs with 1 year of the Herceptin (or similar) treatment for HER2+ status. Radiation: 6 weeks of daily after the Chemo.

My sis, Becky, just left to go back to Dallas. I will miss having her here! My mom is coming in Tuesday. I am heading in to work a bit today, Monday and Tuesday.

Lumpectomy Surgery Follow Up Appointment tomorrow AM

2009-09-09T23:54:00.006-04:00

Well, had the date wrong initially, but the follow up to my surgery is tomorrow. I am thinking the drain will stay in...it's fine but weird. That and the port under my skin are the most uncomfortable parts of this scenario right now. Becky is staying a bit longer tomorrow so that she can accompany me to the appointment. She leaves after 6 PM (I will definitely miss her!)

The only things I've noticed from the surgery are: some minor edema in my ankles and left hand; and I keep getting "goosebumps" on my left arm (strange?) Otherwise, just a lot of fatigue; however, I remember this being fairly typical considering I've been through other surgeries. This is pretty minor in comparison to the abdominal stuff from a few years back.

I will get the final pathology reports tomorrow on the tumor size, grade, and the lymph nodes. This will factor into the staging of the cancer. Will have to do PET scan and bone scan to make sure there is no other spread (outside of the lymph nodes we know about--and those are hopefully ALL, dammit!)

Lots of stuff! Just need an appointment with the Medical Oncologist to start making decisions about chemotherapy. More soon!

2009-09-09T23:24:00.000-04:00

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a
Reinventing Self-Knowing Health Nut

Heard about 43 Things from my sister, Becky. Starting to use it...fumbling through, actually, but seems interesting. We'll see how it goes!
~Tory

Keeping you Abreast...

2009-09-07T20:01:00.007-04:00

So, feeling better each day...Percoset is messing with my tummy (and brain as you may notice), but I suppose it beats the alternative. The pain is getting better and better though...this certainly is nothing like the pain I had after my abdominal surgeries--that's a whole different animal.

Wednesday was a very long day...had the lumpectomy and have a 3 inch or so incision mark toward my armpit and is on the side of my boob--in a decent spot. I asked the doc to be very mindful of scarring--I am already "Frankenbitch" from my abdominal stuff--9 inch vertical incision marks. Had stitches the first time then staples the second time. Well, this incision is held together with surgical glue--and I have heard that this heals very well (less scarring and pulling like with staples/stitches).

The mass was apparently about 2 cm (larger than what we expected), so with that and the fact that they found cancer cells in 2 of the 4 sentinel nodes, I was not a candidate for Mammosite. I had a complete Axillary Node Dissection, meaning the doc removed all of my lymph nodes from my breast/armpit area. I have a drain hanging out of the bottom of my left boob...the drain has a bulb on the end of it that reminds me of those plastic honey bear containers. Except for the fact that...well, that is NOT honey in that there drain bulb. Kind of icky stuff if you ask me--looks kind of like Kool-Aid if you were REALLY hard up. I am emptying it regularly and logging the date/time and amount of stuff I remove from it. I suppose it is a good thing that I don't get too queasy with stuff like that.

I was also fitted with a port for chemo...it is just below my collarbone on the left side. Sticks out a bit--which is a little disconcerting. I keep bumping it or trying to scratch at it. Weird implant thingy. Feels very strange.
My doc gave me a totally rad surgical bra to wear. Rad in the fact that it is totally, hilariously, and disturbingly ugly! Oh well, style is not what I am going for right now--considering I have extensive bruising and the drain line/bulb.

So, looks like I will be doing the "traditional" chemo first then radiation later. Bleck.

Ok, so the next steps:

Follow up with the doc (surgeon) on Wednesday. I will get the final pathology report at that time, and this will guide me and "the team" in making further treatment decisions.

Will be getting a PET Scan and requesting a bone scan (to check for cancer elsewhere in my body). The results will also help steer some treatment planning.

Need appointment with the Medical Oncologist to determine when Chemo will start and what types we will be using.

Also need appointment with the Radiation Oncologist.

Surgery on 9/2/09, and possible next steps

2009-09-02T10:12:00.005-04:00

Here's the scoop:
Today, I am having a lumpectomy. I chose this from 3 options, a lumpectomy, mastectomy, or a nipple-saving mastectomy. I chose the lumpectomy, as the information/research available shows no real difference in survival/re-occurrence rates between lumpectomy or mastectomy. The procedure will take approximately 2 hours...starting around 2:15 PM. It may go long, I was told my doctor is very meticulous.

During the procedure, Doctor Cox will be removing the mass and ensuring a clear margin of non-cancerous cells removed (approximately 4-5 centimeters will be removed from my breast). He will be conducting a Sentinel Node Biopsy, meaning they will remove the Lymph node that dumps into the area that has been identified as cancerous. During the procedure, the node will be tested for cancer cells. If it is clean, no more nodes will come out. If there are cancer cells, they will perform an Axillary Node Dissection, thereby removing all of the lymph nodes in the area (including my armpit area). This will require an extra incision and probably an overnight hospital stay--I will have a drain if this occurrs as well.

IF there is no cancer detected in the Sentinel Lymph Node, he will fit me with a temporary balloon for Mammosite therapy.

Then, he will be inserting a port for chemo.

At this point, and there will be additional tests done to do the final Staging and Grading (on the removed mass), it appears I have Stage 1 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The mass looks to be about .5 cm X .5 cm based on imaging. The final biopsy after the removal will give us the exact size. The mass is Estrogen and Progesterone Negative and HER2 Positive.

The pathology report for the surgery will be available in 3-5 days. My follow up appointment is in one week, next Wednesday, 9/10/09, at 11 AM.

If Mammosite Therapy: Radiation will be only 5 days. If I am not a candidate for Mammosite (mass too large or if the lymph nodes have cancer spread), I will have to do the traditional full-breast Radiation (6 weeks of daily radiation on the full left breast). Mammosite allows them to target the radiation to just the offending area.

Chemo: because of the nature of HER2 positive cancers, it is very likely that I will need chemotherapy. Herceptin is the drug of choice, and there could be additional chemo drugs used. Herceptin is a year-long treatment.

Some additional info:
Doc is using surgical glue today, so no stitches.
There is risk of lymphedema if they have to do the Axillary Node Dissection (actually, a very good chance I will get it...)
The biopsy tissue samples are made into slides and saved for 5 years

Keeping you Abreast of my, well, breast?

2009-09-01T22:04:00.004-04:00

Okay...Here's the update:

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma; Estrogen and Progesterone Negative; and HER2 Positive. The stage and grade is still in question until the surgery and final biopsy is complete.

The mass looks to be very small...so far it looks like it is about .5 cm X .5 cm; the MRI that was done on both breasts and my armpits was "clean" except for the mass we already knew about. The mass is in my left breast, I found this myself back in March...thought it was a pulled muscle. It became VERY painful in May, and I scheduled an appointment when the pain just would not stop. Hey...glad I found it and did something about it!

My surgery is Wednesday, September 2, tomorrow. I am scheduled for 2:15 PM...have to be there at 12:30 or so. I am having a lumpectomy. My surgeon is going to try to prep me for Mammosite (a newer radiation method that targets only the specific area of the breast in question); additionally, my surgeon will be implanting a port for chemotherapy.

Becky, my sister is here in Florida to help me out during this...

I have asked Becky to post something on Facebook (using my account) to let you guys know I am doing okay and am in recovery.

Boob Soup for the Soul 8-18-09

2009-08-18T23:25:00.000-04:00

Boob Soup for the Soul: Just got the MRI results today, late this afternoon...looks like the cancer is limited to the area we already know about...not likely in the lymph nodes, but the biopsy will have to be done to be sure. I have surgery scheduled for 9-2...probably a lumpectomy and the Sentinel Node Biopsy... I meet with my surgeon/doc/oncologist on 8-27 to discuss the surgery. Getting the pathology results from the biopsy faxed over to me tomorrow...

Sitting in a hotel in Kissimmee, FL...

2009-01-13T23:21:00.001-05:00

Well, here I am sitting in a hotel in Kissimmee, FL...tired (exhausted, really) and a bit fried. Trying to figure out if goldfish crackers qualify as a "sound" dinner...they just may. I did get some bread, peanut butter and (my favorite) raspberry preserves to have a good ol' PB&J, but hell, that may just take too much energy.
Just found out my grandmother, Helen (mom's mom) had a small heart attack (whatever that means) late last week and is in the hospital. Baylor Grapevine. Apparently they will not do a bypass due to her age (92), so they are doing a procedure as soon as my uncle can get there (due to the risks involved, he wants to get there before they do it). Anyway...my mom starts Dialysis tomorrow also. Crazy. She has an auto-immune kidney disease that is shutting down her kidneys (apparently affects no other body functions). I spent a lot of my life trying to get away from DFW/Denton, TX...and now I just wish I was there...not like I can really do anything, but I feel like I should be near. Maybe even to just support my dad. Oh well...
I've been chatting with a few "old" friends lately on Facebook...never really got in to all of the internet social site stuff, but I am having fun finding folks. I guess I am just a sentimental mess. It is really interesting/neat to see how folks are doing these days. Most are quite well--I don't suppose if they weren't they'd be "Facebooking" or whatever.
Hmm...makes me think of the 'good ol' days' back in Denton. Being back there over the December Holidays was quite entertaining. Drove all over the place looking at how things have changed and grown. Funny how you either "sugar-coat" or totally damn certain things in your mind...wait a few years and look at them again. I found places, buildings, roads, etc. either longer, bigger, smaller, less significant, etc. than I had stored them away as. Hell, I always said Dallas was flat. It really isn't. Pinellas County Florida...THAT is flat, and only a few feet above sea level. Denton is downright hilly compared to the version I had stored in my head.
I think I found something calming or peaceful there...or maybe I just had to admit it had those elements always in some form or another...or...maybe it is just the familiarity of it, the comfort in or of the "past."
Hmmm...

So, THIS is what it is all about? A New Year...

2009-01-02T23:18:00.001-05:00

So, THIS is what it is all about?
Starting off 2009 having accomplished quite a bit last year...
I have a little ritual I follow every New Year's Day wherein I grab my little notebook and look over what I have/haven't done and what I plan to do in the upcoming year. I don't look at the notebook during the year...just once on 1/1. It is a good ritual...
Plans for 2009:
Continue excercising (hey, I am using that Gold's Gym membership) and enjoying outside "adventures" (kayaking, hiking, beach, etc.)
Travel to: Austin, Texas and/or San Francisco, California
Figure out how to de-clutter and organize better.
Make my hand-made, from scratch, soap.
Do some more artsy-crafty things.

I'll see where I get with all of this ;-)