Fiber-Padded Fake-Boob Soup for the Soul...

Well, let's see where we are at tonight...I am just shy of one week since my surgery...I had a double "simple" mastectomy at Tampa General Hospital last Wednesday morning (yes, I had both my boobies lobbed off.) During the surgery, the doc found no sentinel nodes in the right side that showed signs of cancer (so I still have lymph nodes on the right), and the right breast appeared to be free from cancer cells (yay!) The left breast was full of cancer cells (boo!)...so the doc took out a lot of tissue to make sure he got as much as possible. I had them remove both breasts because, when told that the left-side lumpectomy was unsuccessful and a mastectomy was needed, I figured that if you are going to take one, you are taking both. Hell, that way I wouldn't be lopsided (or any more off than I already am), nor would I be scared shitless that they had somehow missed something in the right breast (etc., etc.)

I have to say that you can never really be prepared for how a mastectomy looks. I saw some pictures on the internet and all...but when it is YOU, it is certainly different. You could also not be prepared for the sheer amount of tissue and flesh removed. I really did not expect to be, well...concave? The doc says that will "fill in" a bit over time, as my body heals from the surgery. And the wounds...well, they are ugly--they are like big gashes, actually. He used surgical glue, so I have no stitches or anything...but wow. If I try to make a "joke" of it...the best one I can come up with is that with my two gashes and my bellybutton, it looks like some stuffed animal sleeping? I could probably do a video on YouTube or something...but I am just not that irrational...really, I am not.

Emotionally, I am dealing. I think. I did have some trouble yesterday...my mom and dad were here and they wanted me to join them for a nice dinner out. I tried to get ready...I was dressed and all, but I just could not get comfortable in my clothes...I do still have two drains coming out of my chest, and they have bulbs at the end of them that just do not "store" well--no matter how you try to hide them or whatever. You can try to smash the bulbs and tubes into your skin as much as possible, but that is just horribly uncomfortable...sweaty, pokey, weirdness. Also, fiber "pads" that fit into my "mastectomy camisole" are truly goofy. I will have to find something that works better than that damn camisole...and those fake fiber-paddy boobies were just not working for me. Must try and figure something out before I will get truly comfortable with that business. Hell, maybe I will try "flat" too, but not yet...because (as I said), I am beyond flat at this point!!! So, last night, I ended up deciding not to go out to dinner--they went out together and brought me back food. I just was not ready...and I am okay with that at this point. We're gonna take this one slow and easy...on purpose.

Pain-wise...I get better each day. Really, I have more pain from the 10 feet of drain line they have up in me (slight exaggeration, I know...but hell, that's what it looks and feels like). Yes, I can feel and see the damn drain lines in each former breast (if someone has a better name for this "area" or lack of things...let me know, as I am at a total loss here.) Funny, my sis said Jackson-Pratt drains are kind of like reverse soaker-hoses...hmmm. The internal armpit drains are the worst, as they seem to sit right on top of a muscle I apparently use quite often--wish I didn't, but I do. I am still "draining" quite a bit, so I know that I will be keeping these oddities for a couple of weeks...or more. I wonder if there is any good way to dress them up a bit...if I had "fun" with them I might look at them differently? If I decorated them, could I wear them outside of my clothes and not upset folks? Could I put weights in them and use them in my next street fight?

Oh, the pain in my right upper arm from the lumpectomy and axillary node dissection I had a couple of weeks ago is still there and prominent. Overall, there has been some pain...mostly muscular and drain discomfort; however, percoset has been helpful in keeping the pain quite manageable--oh yeah. I am slowing down on my percoset consumption...and find that the more rest I get (sleep at night and naps during the day, to be specific) the more manageable it is (I honestly think your mind "copes" with the pain better with more real sleep.)

Anyway...aside from discomfort, funky drains hanging out from me (and snaked up in me), needing lots of extra sleep, and wardrobe issues...I think the LOOK of the result is most problemmatic. Surgery can be emotional to begin with...but this one packs an added punch. We'll see how I handle it over time...I know that I will likely subject myself to the further surgeries of reconstruction...there are multiple surgeries needed for this (most often 2, but sometimes more). I already have folks suggesting particular reconstructive plastic surgeons. Time will tell :-)

So what is next?
I have my follow-up appointment to my surgery on Thursday at 10:30 AM. My dad will be going with me. During that, we will get the final pathology report: find out if the margins on the mastectomy were clear...hopefully there is no infiltration into the chest wall; we will know for sure if there were any cancer cells in the right breast or the sentinel nodes that were removed; and we should know the final size of the cancer that was in my left breast. As far as we knew from the last surgery, we were looking at 4 to 5 centimeters (which was a hell of a lot larger than what was indicated on the mammo, the ultrasound and the MRI). I am hoping that this post-surgical appointment will be much more positive and uplifting compared to the last one :-) I really need some good news at this point (and I don't want to keep holding on to the initial results of "no cancer in the right boob you just had cut off!!!")
I have to make appointments to get the PET scan and Bone Scan (Bone Scan done as part of the PET scan). This will help us determine if there is any cancer in the rest of my body. My feeling is that there is not...however, I need to get used to the PET scans...this will likely be something I do annually or more often if indicated, for many many moons!
I also need appointments with the Radiological Oncologist and the Medical Oncologist. Pending the results of the PET, I should have a very good idea of when they want chemo to begin...along with what medications they would want to use during chemo. I will also have an idea of when radiation should begin. On chemo and radiation: I still have some options with these...I have some decisions to make about what I want or do not want. I have the chemo port...and I suspect I will be receiving chemo; however, my final decision on that has not been made...I have been reading a lot about Herceptin recently, as my cancer is HER2 Positive. Clinical studies of Herceptin have shown a 52% reduction in recurrence of HER2 positive invasive breast cancers...that's pretty darn good if you ask me. I certainly don't want to keep dealing with this shit over and over again!

That's all for now!