Bring in the Percoset, please!

I did not sleep much last night, just could not quiet my mind or find a spot that was comfortable to my left arm or chest area. These burns are a bitch!

I decided I would ask the doc for some Percoset, as Tylenol, Advil and Vicodin have not done a damn thing for the pain (or swelling for that matter!) I could probably deal with the pain...but emotionally I have been just worn out. The pain is making me emotionally worse and vice versa.

Getting into position for my radiation treatment was a grueling experience today. Lifting my left arm above my head with cracked and burned skin...sheesh! You know, I have chatted with two other breast cancer survivors who endured radiation...and neither of them had burns like I have. Lucky ladies! Ugh, if ONLY!!!

Anyway, the doc was kind enough to prescribe some Percoset, and it is helping. If nothing else, it is helping my mood. Oh, and it does cut the pain down too.

Just 2 more...I am even beginning to cheer up with the thought of being done!

Emotional and Physical Fatigue...

Well, this last week has been a bit rough both emotionally and physically. Physically, the area that has been radiated has been very sore, achy and (last week) oozing, bleeding, etc. Now, I am just in pain from the swelling around the worst burn under my left arm. It seems to be a bit of edema, and the skin is just cooked. It is difficult to get comfortable, especially when I am trying to rest or sleep. I have not been able to sleep much at night due to the consistent pain.

Emotionally, I have struggled greatly with feelings of loneliness--probably just emotional fatigue. It is a real bitch going to get zapped every day. Anyway, I am almost done...just 3 more radiation treatments to go!

Cancer Impatient...

It has been a little while since I have written much about my ongoing treatment. Honestly, I have been so busy with many different things, and, I suppose, trying not to devote too much mental energy to my being a "cancer patient."  I have been going to work each day, then dragging myself to Tampa to get radiation treatment every afternoon. After that, I have been going to the dog park with Sarge and/or to the gym to work out.

Last week, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, I complained that my skin was beginning to crack, peel and sting. He prescribed Silvedene cream. What a god-send! That stuff really makes it feel better; however, it does not stop me from continuing to be burned worse and worse. By the end of last week, I had the Radiation Therapists look and tell me if I was okay. Sadly, they said that many folks get much worse burns than me--so I guess I am okay. Oh, the doc also prescribed Flexaril for the spasms in my neck (it helped...and I have taken it twice; however, it makes me feel so crappy the next day, I probably will not take it again.) The neck spasms are not as bad lately though...so I will endure.

Today, while getting ready for work, I noticed that my major sores from radiation (under my arm, on my upper back, and around my collarbone) were oozing..and some spots spontaneously bled when I lifted my arm. That was lovely--I noticed the shirt I had worn to bed had moisture and/or blood from the radiatedd skin as well. So, I opted to go without a bra/cami, and I put on a larger cotton shirt. Then, I tied a big scarf around my neck and let it drape over my chest (to cover my lack of breasts and any possible bleeding or oozing that might seep through my shirt.) So--I was set, and I went off to work for the day.

While heading to Tampa for radiation treatment, I began to feel a bit gloomy. My skin felt so tight, and various spots were stinging like crazy. The radiation therapist looked at my skin again...and he had the nurse come look to see if we needed to forego treatment for the day. She gave me instructions to use Domeboro as a compress on my burns, especially where the skin had "broken down." I went ahead with treatment though...and I fought tears.

I suppose I could describe the feeling I had as loneliness. Hell, you are laying there, "receiving" radiation from this large machine hovering over you, you are alone, in a large room--warning lights flash to ensure no one else enters the room and is subject to the radiation. And when your skin is already so burned...tight and stinging...you choose to forge ahead and subject yourself to even more...

I cried a bit while driving to the pharmacy. I went from sad to mad...I guess I was mad at the world...for not having a true "partner" in all of this, for not having someone to care for me...then I got mad at myself for being such a good little "victim."

So, at home, I applied the compress--that stung like hell, then I slathered on some Silvedene cream. That provided some relief--thank goodness.

Needless to say, I did not make it up to the gym. I had to call and cancel my appointment with the trainer. Oh well, that would have been a bit unfortunate anyway...sweat, blood and oozing sores. No one likes to see that at their local gym...

Some pics of my burns...yes, I look really happy! ;-)

The white gunk is the Silvedene cream.

Armpit (left) and shoulder (right).