Working...shirtless

Today I had an early Radiation Doc appointment--my usual Tuesday meeting with him and then he had to "mark me up" for the targeted/boost radiation treatment set to begin on Thursday, April 1, 2010. The doc looked at my skin and offere to let me have a "rest" from radiation for a couple of days. I asked if that meant they would make me get them later, yes it would, so I said, "No, just treat me." Hell, I was so upset when I learned that my last day of radiation was NOT March 31st, but April 8th...I can not stand to go beyond that dammit!!!

Yes, my skin is fried. There are at least 5 different spots with 2nd degree burns or worse, and one area (under my arm) is constantly "draining." The stinging...this truly sucks!

Anyway, I was "marked up," then treated, then set up for targeted radiation. Thankfully, I only had to have two of the usual four series of treatments today--we are done with treating the super-clavicle area (last one was Monday). What was really fun today was that I could not apply any of the Silvedene cream to my skin until after treatment. Normally, I put it on in the morning (after my shower) and then in the evenings and before bed. However, because I cannot apply it within 4 hours before being treated, and with such an early appointment today, I went in with having only applying aloe gel. Don't get me wrong, aloe gel is great, but it really does very little for me at this point. Plus, when it dries, it has the tendency to make your skin a bit tight and dry.

Well, because I was unable to wear any top that even somewhat resembled "business casual," I opted to head home after the appointment and do some work remotely...and shirtless. The shirt I wore to treatment had to be soaked so the stains would not set in...

My last "regular" radiation treatment is tomorrow...then five days of targeted treatment along the scar line. Luckily, the scar line is not burned up too badly, yet.

Cancer Impatient...

It has been a little while since I have written much about my ongoing treatment. Honestly, I have been so busy with many different things, and, I suppose, trying not to devote too much mental energy to my being a "cancer patient."  I have been going to work each day, then dragging myself to Tampa to get radiation treatment every afternoon. After that, I have been going to the dog park with Sarge and/or to the gym to work out.

Last week, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, I complained that my skin was beginning to crack, peel and sting. He prescribed Silvedene cream. What a god-send! That stuff really makes it feel better; however, it does not stop me from continuing to be burned worse and worse. By the end of last week, I had the Radiation Therapists look and tell me if I was okay. Sadly, they said that many folks get much worse burns than me--so I guess I am okay. Oh, the doc also prescribed Flexaril for the spasms in my neck (it helped...and I have taken it twice; however, it makes me feel so crappy the next day, I probably will not take it again.) The neck spasms are not as bad lately though...so I will endure.

Today, while getting ready for work, I noticed that my major sores from radiation (under my arm, on my upper back, and around my collarbone) were oozing..and some spots spontaneously bled when I lifted my arm. That was lovely--I noticed the shirt I had worn to bed had moisture and/or blood from the radiatedd skin as well. So, I opted to go without a bra/cami, and I put on a larger cotton shirt. Then, I tied a big scarf around my neck and let it drape over my chest (to cover my lack of breasts and any possible bleeding or oozing that might seep through my shirt.) So--I was set, and I went off to work for the day.

While heading to Tampa for radiation treatment, I began to feel a bit gloomy. My skin felt so tight, and various spots were stinging like crazy. The radiation therapist looked at my skin again...and he had the nurse come look to see if we needed to forego treatment for the day. She gave me instructions to use Domeboro as a compress on my burns, especially where the skin had "broken down." I went ahead with treatment though...and I fought tears.

I suppose I could describe the feeling I had as loneliness. Hell, you are laying there, "receiving" radiation from this large machine hovering over you, you are alone, in a large room--warning lights flash to ensure no one else enters the room and is subject to the radiation. And when your skin is already so burned...tight and stinging...you choose to forge ahead and subject yourself to even more...

I cried a bit while driving to the pharmacy. I went from sad to mad...I guess I was mad at the world...for not having a true "partner" in all of this, for not having someone to care for me...then I got mad at myself for being such a good little "victim."

So, at home, I applied the compress--that stung like hell, then I slathered on some Silvedene cream. That provided some relief--thank goodness.

Needless to say, I did not make it up to the gym. I had to call and cancel my appointment with the trainer. Oh well, that would have been a bit unfortunate anyway...sweat, blood and oozing sores. No one likes to see that at their local gym...

Some pics of my burns...yes, I look really happy! ;-)

The white gunk is the Silvedene cream.

Armpit (left) and shoulder (right).