Mental and Physical Health

Even though I have been done with Radiation for about 12 days, I still have some ugly burns on my skin. It is healing well, but I had another area (about 2 inches long) split open and begin to drain about 5 days ago. I am able to wear my bras again...with my silly poofy pillows ;-)

I've been looking lately at getting more appropriate prosthetics--even though they seem rather goofy to me! I think I would feel more comfortable with them moving forward though. Plus, there are some that can be used for swimming, and that would make me feel much more comfortable at the beach!!!

I've been fairly depressed during the last week or so, it has been a real struggle to make myself do my usual work and other tasks. Once I start though, I can really get into things and get a lot done. That is good...

I finally got up to the gym yesterday, after a couple of weeks off. Even with the last bit of skin that opened up recently, I figured I should go--if nothing more than for the mental benefit!!! I still have about 10 extra pounds on me from chemo/steroids (well, I have a few extra pounds more than that--but this is all I can blame on chemo!) I am getting tired of carrying around the extra weight. I want back into my pre-chemo britches!!!

Slowly, I have begun to focus back on my food and calorie intake. I mostly struggle with incorporating enough veggies and fruit into my diet. I am hell-bent on correcting this!!! Vitamins: I started taking a prenatal vitamin with herbs. No real reason other than to ensure I get my hair to grow as quickly as possible (hehe)! I am still taking Evening Primrose Oil (hotflashes), Black Cohosh Herb (night sweats), and Vitamin D. The Vitamin D is due to some recent research that has shown women who develop Breast Cancer tend to have lower levels of the vitamin. Also there have been some very positive (and scientific even) research findings showing the benefits of Vitamin D.

So, I am focused on some good things: diet, exercise, work...my dog! Still need to keep working on ME and focusing on my mental health (oh well, that is a lifelong endeavor, isn't it?)

I did visit with the Psychiatrist this evening. I have not seen him since before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. When I was thinking about all that has happened in the last 8 months, I realized how much I had been through. He continued my prescription for Cymbalta...I figure Cymbalta has helped me a lot through the past 8 months! Hell, I can be depressed enough at times without it, I cannot imagine what I would have felt like going through surgeries, radiation and chemo without it! Sheesh...I really don't want to think about that!

Well, enough rambling for now!

Just ONE more.....

Last night was fairly restless--Percoset helps with pain and mood, but it really jacked with the quality of my sleep. Wow...cool dreams though. Nice and bizarre!

The pain from my burns is still very much there, but when I am able to take Percoset, it helps a lot. The swelling under my arm is very slightly reduced...this apparently will take some time to go down. Ugh, I am sure my caffeine intake is not helping either the pain or the swelling for that matter.

Getting into position today for the targeted radiation treatment was a bit easier, thank goodness. The radiation therapists are such good folks--even saved me a doughnut from their lunch! Yummy Krispy Kreme doughnut!

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I am blogging for the Youth and Family Alternatives Rap River Run 5K Race. It is held in June, and I decided a while back to start training to participate. I agreed to track my progress with training for my first 5K, and I blog each Wednesday night with my weekly updates. I really couldn't contribute much this week--I have not been able to do any exercise for about a week and a half. Oh well, when the burns heal up a bit and the swelling abates, I will get back into the swing of things.

Here is a link to the Rap River Run Blog: http://www.rapriverrun5k.blogspot.com/
There you can follow my progress, along with that of other folks who are training to participate in the race. I hope that those of you who are in the area will join me at the race!

JUST ONE MORE RADIATION TREATMENT TO GO!!! I WILL BE DONE TOMORROW!!! WOO HOO!!!

Cancer Impatient...

It has been a little while since I have written much about my ongoing treatment. Honestly, I have been so busy with many different things, and, I suppose, trying not to devote too much mental energy to my being a "cancer patient."  I have been going to work each day, then dragging myself to Tampa to get radiation treatment every afternoon. After that, I have been going to the dog park with Sarge and/or to the gym to work out.

Last week, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, I complained that my skin was beginning to crack, peel and sting. He prescribed Silvedene cream. What a god-send! That stuff really makes it feel better; however, it does not stop me from continuing to be burned worse and worse. By the end of last week, I had the Radiation Therapists look and tell me if I was okay. Sadly, they said that many folks get much worse burns than me--so I guess I am okay. Oh, the doc also prescribed Flexaril for the spasms in my neck (it helped...and I have taken it twice; however, it makes me feel so crappy the next day, I probably will not take it again.) The neck spasms are not as bad lately though...so I will endure.

Today, while getting ready for work, I noticed that my major sores from radiation (under my arm, on my upper back, and around my collarbone) were oozing..and some spots spontaneously bled when I lifted my arm. That was lovely--I noticed the shirt I had worn to bed had moisture and/or blood from the radiatedd skin as well. So, I opted to go without a bra/cami, and I put on a larger cotton shirt. Then, I tied a big scarf around my neck and let it drape over my chest (to cover my lack of breasts and any possible bleeding or oozing that might seep through my shirt.) So--I was set, and I went off to work for the day.

While heading to Tampa for radiation treatment, I began to feel a bit gloomy. My skin felt so tight, and various spots were stinging like crazy. The radiation therapist looked at my skin again...and he had the nurse come look to see if we needed to forego treatment for the day. She gave me instructions to use Domeboro as a compress on my burns, especially where the skin had "broken down." I went ahead with treatment though...and I fought tears.

I suppose I could describe the feeling I had as loneliness. Hell, you are laying there, "receiving" radiation from this large machine hovering over you, you are alone, in a large room--warning lights flash to ensure no one else enters the room and is subject to the radiation. And when your skin is already so burned...tight and stinging...you choose to forge ahead and subject yourself to even more...

I cried a bit while driving to the pharmacy. I went from sad to mad...I guess I was mad at the world...for not having a true "partner" in all of this, for not having someone to care for me...then I got mad at myself for being such a good little "victim."

So, at home, I applied the compress--that stung like hell, then I slathered on some Silvedene cream. That provided some relief--thank goodness.

Needless to say, I did not make it up to the gym. I had to call and cancel my appointment with the trainer. Oh well, that would have been a bit unfortunate anyway...sweat, blood and oozing sores. No one likes to see that at their local gym...

Some pics of my burns...yes, I look really happy! ;-)

The white gunk is the Silvedene cream.

Armpit (left) and shoulder (right).

Radiation Oncology appointment today...back at the gym tonight--woot!

Today I had the "simulation" appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. Mostly, I just met with the technician--who was very good (talked me through everything he was doing, made me feel very comfortable, answered all of my questions, etc.) Took a while--had to get fitted into my "mold" (cradles my head and arms when I hold them above my head); 2 "scout" images of my torso were taken by the CT machine (so they could line me up perfectly before doing the CT Scan); the CT Scan itself...by this time my arms (being held over my head) were completely "asleep." Then, I got to be marked to ensure they line everything up perfectly each time I go in for radiation treatment. TATTOOS!

Well, now I have multiple tattoos. They're just dots, but hey, they count, right? The Radiation Tech did them old-school--I told him he needed a tattoo gun, the hand-method (or prison method) hurt dammit! Oh well, they are just little dots--6 to be precise (two dots at each point they will line up the radiation machine) just along the bra-line on my chest. I have so many moles--I hope they find the right dots! Maybe I should have asked for smiley-faces...that should clear up any questions. He also drew a nice little "starburst" around each one...then put a clear sticker-bandage over each so that I don't wash away the starburst...for a week and a half. We shall see.

I am now waiting for a call to find out about my next appointment...where they do some final adjustments, x-rays and other odds and ends prior to actually beginning the radiation treatment (that will likely start on 2/22/10). Sheesh. Looks like I will probably be going back in on Thursday the 18th...and that is the same day I get my next Herceptin treatment. Wow, busy day.

Oh, I also asked the doc about whether he would be doing "boosts" to my scar line on the left side of my chest. Apparently, this is sometimes done to ensure that if any cancer cells got caught up in the scar tissue that they are appropriately killed off with targeted radiation. He has not yet decided if he is going to have me do that, but he said it would just be added to the end for a few days. AS IF 5.5 weeks of daily radiation Monday through Friday isn't enough already, but oh well.

I swear, all of this poking and prodding and picture-taking and imaging and on and on and on...it is tiresome. I just want to be a semi-normal 35-year-old woman and not have to be dealing with any of this shit anymore. Funny, I am actually in a really great mood lately--even though all of this crap is going on. Even though I was puking up my guts over the weekend (chemo side effects be gone now dammit!!!) Yeah...

Oh, tonight I dragged my tired ass up to the gym too! You know, it felt really good. I am ready to be back into that routine again. I really enjoy getting exercise like that--I even pushed myself a bit with the weights tonight--hell, after 2 weeks away from there I was ready to work hard. And I did. Hmmm...maybe I will go back tomorrow. We shall see. The dog may make me take him to the park--ooooh, maybe I can do both!

More soon...
Love,
Tory

Last chemo weekend...and appointment with the Radiology Oncologist today

Well, I had a crappy night's sleep overnight. Just kept waking up every couple of hours to major hotflashes and nightsweats. Hmmm...hopefully these will lessen soon (please).

This round of chemo has been tiring...but no major issues. Very similar to the first round again. No vomiting, no diarrhea. Just some dry mouth and feeling like my head was full of Jello. Oh, and my muscles have been weak as can be. My arms and legs have felt like there is just no strength in them. Hasn't really stopped me much though. I was able to get Sarge up to the Dog Park Friday (wow, I know!), Sunday and Monday evenings. It actually seemed to help my mood to get him out and about, so this was a good thing.

I did have some lovely nausea during the night (overnight) on Sunday and last night. The anti-nausea meds helped, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Food: I am still uber-picky with foods right now, and I have strange cravings still. Luckily, I have been craving things like strawberries and blueberries during the past couple of days--that beats cravings for Taco Bell (thank God!) Since I have managed to actually gain weight during this (steroids--nasty bastards), I am looking again at my food intake and exercise regimen. Starting to get some of my plans in place to get my diet back to "normal" and hopefully get back on a regular schedule with going to the gym. Just a couple more days of feeling "off" from the chemo, and I should be able to hit the gym again. I hope my muscles wake up again...I am wondering what my Red Blood Cell counts look like--probably low. I have been watching my iron and protein intake closely to try and combat some of my muscle fatigue. Sheesh...funny, I have actually been doing better than I thought on iron intake--protein, well, had to look at that one a little more closely.

So, today I go to the Radiation Oncologist. My appointment is at 9:30 AM. I have my usual list of questions typed up and ready to go. I guess I am a little nervous--meeting ANOTHER new doctor, finding out about another procedure/process to go through. What a royal pain in the ass.

My questions:
What time of day will I be getting radiation and for how long each day; how many treatments over how many weeks; what exactly does radiation do; how does one target the areas where the cancer was--lymph nodes, etc.; how do we know exactly what to hit; is it true you cannot radiate the same area twice; how will it affect my other bodily functions/what are the possible side effects; how do we protect other areas of my body, such as my lungs and thyroid; should I avoid or add certain foods/supplements; what kinds of creams or lotions should I use or not; how do I protect my skin; and is there something I should/can do to have a better outcome for my reconstruction that I have planned for later?

Well, I am just glad that Chapter 3 of treatment is on the horizon. Still feeling the effects of Chapter 2, but I am honestly feeling okay.

Can I have my hair back now please? :-)

~Tory

Less than a week until my last chemo...

Well, less than one week until my last chemo! I've been feeling really well this week--a bit tired, but I have managed to drag myself up to the gym two nights after work!!! I've been really excited about work...love some of the projects I am working on. I've even managed to get the dog up to the dog park most nights this week!

My appointment with the Radiation Oncologist (http://www.tbropa.com/index.html is the website...my doc is Greenberg) is set for February 2nd. I will find out what that treatment will be like--exactly when it will begin, what it entails, etc.

Soon, I would like to also meet with some surgeons to discuss reconstruction options. I've researched this quite a bit; however, I've put this on the backburner recently...

Funny, I've noticed my head hair is GROWING! Not new hair where I am bald, but the little fine hairs I have left are growing. WEIRD! At the same time, the hair on the rest of my body is evacuating--my pubes have seriously gone on vacation. And they have not done so in an orderly fashion.

I have had some moderate nosebleeds this week--mostly earlier in the week (and last weekend). They were heavier than they had been...but manageable. I found that I just had to let it clot...and then not mess with the damn clot. Too bad it is fun to dig out bloody booger clots. Hmmm. I apparenly need a new hobby.

Well, I am elated that my last chemo "treatment" is less than a week away. So glad...ready to be done being poisoned....and hopefully cured!

Bring on the last treatment! Let's get this shit over with!

Chemo Girl rocks the gym!

So, I felt very well today and decided to head up to the gym. I had a great workout...30 minutes of cardio and about 45 minutes of weights. I was able to do well tonight--still operating at about 2/3 of where I was at with the weight work (having to do less sets), but am able to get the weight to just about where I was before.

Didn't feel too self-conscious tonight, and I was happy to see there were so many other folks wearing beanies! It was about 44 degrees outside (frigid by Tampa Bay standards!) Nice not to be the only one in a hat!!!

Ugh...Fatigue!!!

Well, it is Tuesday night...I have traveled for work the past two days. Yesterday to Bradenton and today to Sarasota. I'll tell you, I am one tired girl! I was going to head over to the gym tonight; however, my body is telling me that this is not an option...must rest. So, I will rest. I hate feeling puny!

I AM looking forward to the massage I am scheduled to get tomorrow night! Woo hoo! I found a local massage school that has sessions in the evenings--$30 for an hour-long massage. Plus, there have been multiple folks suggesting massage as a way to help the chemo through your lymph system. Hell, either way, it can't hurt, can it? It has been a long time since I have had a massage, so I am looking very much forward to it!

Well, off to rest up...Tory is a sleepy girl!!!

Back at the gym on Sunday the 6th

Well, I felt motivated enough to head back up to the gym on Sunday, December 6th! I really felt pretty good after the first workout I did, so I endeavored to go it again!

Getting Ready: This time, I stuck with the black beanie I wore on my head last time (I have not seemed to have found the time to make more beanies/berets--must do this!!!)...I wore bigger pants and a nice, roomy shirt over the jog bra and breast forms. I will say that the breast forms do like to travel a bit while I am working my arms...funny they seem to want to hang out together right in the front middle of my chest. This time, I just made an annoyed face and nonchalantly relocated them. I did have to do this a few times...and that is just weird. Oh well, I figure I see enough men adjusting themselves that it can't appear that unusual. AND, I decided not to really care that much this time--it worked somewhat well!

My perceptions at the gym: This time, I felt less self-conscious. I really think the bigger shirt helped! I still wish I felt more comfortable with the idea of being mostly bald on my head...but I am not sure I will get over that. Hell, I am not going to stress it too much--if it makes me uncomfortable, I will just make adjustments and carry on!!!

My workout: I worked out for 1.5 hours this time! I seemed to have the energy level to do about 30 minutes of cardio (on the evil elliptical, no-less), and I broke a good sweat! Hey, it kicked my ass a bit, but I kept pushing through the fatigue. Felt really nice afterward to do some arm and leg work. Once again, my body seemed to like the stretches...felt good!!!

I really hope I can keep this up moving forward. It felt nice...yes, it was tiring, but such is life!

~Tory

My First Gym Visit Since August...

Well, yesterday evening I got a "wild hair up my ass" and thought I might like to go workout at the gym! Now, I have not been to my local gym since late August--just before my first surgery in September. Three months...and I had been going so frequently that it had become such a routine (even a comfort and release!)

Getting ready: It took me a while to get dressed to go. Having both of "the girls" removed presents with it some unique wardrobe issues regardless; however, most of my gym clothing tops had morphed into tighter-fitting-but-still-functional jog bras and tighter tank tops. Wearing something like that now just makes me look odd. Here's the picture: jog bra + tank, a beanie on my head, my makeup was still on from work, and I had on a pair of yoga pants with my running shoes. With absolutely no boobies, I looked downright amorphous--excluding my rounded hips and lack of protrusion in my groin area. So, I shoved a couple of silicone "breastforms" into my jog bra (the slots for the pads work well for this) and found a looser-fitting tank. If I keep up this gym thing, I will have to get some looser tops to wear over these jog bras/forms. Eventually, I felt sorta "female-looking" and I took off to the gym.

My perceptions at the gym: I was very self-consious at first...it only waned a bit during the hour I was there. I would really like not to have to wear a beanie on my head while working out; however, I have such little hair on my head, and I feel like I would have been more self-consious without it. Most of the folks at my gym are there to work out...not to get laid, so folks really do pay more attention to what they are doing (as opposed to the people around them.) I never felt self-consious there before, so I will have to work on my own perceptions of my SELF to handle it better next time. Oh, and looser tops will help too--I would really prefer to not have to worry about whether my fake titties are migrating during exercise!  So: next time, keep the beanie (need a good all-cotton one though), and wear a bigger shirt/tank. This is easy...so let's go with it!

My workout: I worked out for about an hour. In the past, I would do from 1 hour to 1.5 hours, depending on my energy level. I did move much more slowly, so what I packed into the hour last night was much less than I had done in the past. Slowly but surely. I did the regular treadmill for about 15 minutes...my shins were yelling at me a bit, so I had to stop a couple of times to stretch them out (I used to have to do that--must remember to loosen those up a bit before I start!!!) I really could not get my heartrate up into the "Cardio" range, but I really didn't stress about it. My heart deserves a break after everything I have been through this year!!! I completed just shy of a mile on the mill--with a tiny incline...nice.
After the treadmill, I did some leg-work. I was able to do the same weights I had worked myself up to in August; however, I had to do fewer reps and sets. Really, I was able to do about 2/3 of what I could do before--I was pleasantly surprised by this...and quite happy about it. I only did a few things with my arms...wanting to take it easy on my left arm still, as I have a lot of numbness in my upper left arm yet. Really, my arms did not mind, and the left arm seemed to really "enjoy" the stretching of it all.

While at the gym, one of the trainers who knew I was about to undergo treatment came up and chatted with me. She said I looked "great" and that she wouldn't have known I was in the middle of chemo. She had done the 3-Day Komen Walk during October and said that she had wondered about me. She said to keep it up and she wishes me well. She and I will probably work together on some upper body stuff soon--I think I want some help figuring out how to deal with my chest muscles post-surgery. My docs have not been very helpful with suggestions on this...so we will see.

Today I am feeling pretty good! I feel a little back muscle discomfort, but otherwise I am just fine! I think I will hunt down some looser shirts to wear and head back this weekend. We shall see!

~Tory

Chemo Weekend #2

Well, on Friday, the day after my second chemo treatment, I felt a bit speedy from the steroids...and I felt fine, so I went into the office. Was rather productive, but then I had to leave to go get my Neulasta shot in the afternoon.
While driving over to Tampa from New Port Richey, I spoke with my mom (who is in Grapevine, TX). She indicated that my grandmother, Helen, was going to be released from the hospital with hospice care in the home. Grandma fell early on Thursday AM, so she had been at the hospital in a lot of pain. Anyway, after sitting in the parking lot of the treatment center, I just decided that I did not have the strength to head out to Texas to say "goodbye." I actually ended up convincing myself by saying...you can't just do something out of the fear of possible future regret. So, I opted to stay here in Florida and take care of myself.

I got the Neulasta shot and headed home after for some much needed rest. By the end of the day, Friday, I was pretty exhausted! My mouth was a bit "funky," just dry and icky--you don't seem to be able to get enough water or other fluids to help this honestly. I had a dull ache in my lower back that night, but nothing more.

Saturday I spent doing laundry and cleaning up the house. Mom called and said that Grandma had been released from the hospital and was home in the morning. There were lots of folks there with them, my Uncle Jim, Aunt Roberta, and my mom's cousins Denny and Kathy.

The Neulasta bone pain started hitting later in the afternoon...that stuff means business. There is just no getting away from that pain. It is so deep...in my pelvis, my spine, my legs and knees. By the evening, I was resting in bed...with the heating pad under my butt, doing some back and leg stretches, talking on the phone with Josh. He was suggesting some stretches like I used to do when I did yoga...I was naming the poses/stretches he was having me do...thinking that I really should get back to doing some yoga. The stretches helped some...but only when I was actually doing them. Saturday night was a rough night for sleep...I woke up regularly with some intense pains in my upper legs. Also had acid reflux from hell--just drank Mylanta and Gaviscon when it woke me up.

Sunday morning my mom called to let Becky and me know that Grandma Helen had passed quietly during the night. I am sad that she is gone...but I am happy she is no longer in pain. She had suffered in pain for so many years...and her little body just couldn't put up with it any more. There will be a small memorial service in Grapevine; however, the larger service and "burial" at Arlington National Cemetery (with my Grandfather) will be in the Spring (when we can all go). I am glad that we will be doing the main service later...I want to be there. By then, chemo and radiation will be done...

Sunday started out okay...not as much pain from the Neulasta; however, that did not last for long. By about mid-day it came back in full force. I was very fatigued, but I had wanted to take Becky out to this great park East of here. So, we drove over to Weedon Island Preserve and did some hiking. It was just beautiful! We were out there walking around for a while until I petered out and had to head back home. I remembered the Claritin at that point, and I took one Claritin D when I got to the house. This really seemed to help with the bone pain!!! I'd say it cut it down to about 1/3 of what it was...so, the Claritin regimen will continue and I will remember it for the next go-round. My nose got all bloody again on Sunday. It is like all of the moisture from your nose is gone and you have bloody goops up your nostrils. I do have to say the symptoms are much better this time, as I do not have the Systemic Yeast Infection...thank you diflucan. My mouth is much better than last time, my eyes, my ears, my nose...everything is just better than it was the first time. The heartburn/acid reflux is the same though...although not unmanageable. I just drink down some chalky stuff...or take one anti-nausea med if it is really bad.

I took a nap Sunday evening, but was still exhausted that night. My mouth had gotten even more dry...my stomach was talking to me a little (just gas pains--very farty...and LORD do those farts stink!) I slept pretty well Sunday night into Monday...

Monday morning I woke up planning to go in to the office; however, I was just wiped out. I decided that I would use my energy to get some work done from home (instead of wasting energy driving an hour and a half round trip). This was a good decision, as I was very productive. The bone pain was there, but it was less severe with the Claritin...mouth dry (I have a couple of sores in my mouth that are driving me nuts), gas is minimal (everything fairly regular/normal in the nether regions this time). I went out and ran some errands around lunch time and nearly wore myself out completely! I took a brief nap early in the evening. Nose is still a bit bloody on occasion...just have to not pick (I know...I pick my nose *gasp, but it is hard not to!) But when you do, you break off the "plug" that keeps it from bleeding. Sheesh...all these goofy things to remember :-)

I have been able to eat normally during these past few days. No bland or BRAT diet this time. I have taken very few anti-nausea medications...only a couple at bedtime when the acid reflux really kicks in. The reflux is there constantly actually, but I have experienced that for so many years, that it really doesn't occur to me how bad it is sometimes. I just have to remember to do some preventative sips of Mylanta/Gaviscon (Gaviscon is actually much better than Mylanta for this--and it has always worked better for me overall. Gaviscon actually seems to stop or slow the reflux and the Mylanta soothes my esophagus).

Well, it appears that the symptoms are somewhat predictible for the first weekend after a chemo treatment. I will need to remember that the Monday following is really a rough day for fatigue--I was having trouble seeing the TV last night...my eyes were just so tired!

What's up next:
I am looking into a yoga class...maybe start next week?
I am signing up for a 1 mile walk on Thanksgiving day...this will be the day after my 3rd chemo, and I should be fine based on my experiences thus far.
I am considering going back to the gym soon...doc says it is fine but to take it easy...

Today: I am heading over to St. Joseph's Hospital to have my ultrasound-guided thyroid biopsy. Yep...I get poked in the neck with a needle. Damn thyroid...damn needles.

A run down of my main symptoms this time:
Fatigue
Acid Reflux/Heartburn
Dry Skin
Thirst
Dry, Raw Mouth
Dry, Raw, Bloody Nose
Gas/Bloating/Tightness in Stomach
Minor Swelling from Steroids
"Mild" Bone Pain (yeah, mild, my ass)

A note on hair loss:
I have about 10-20% of my head hair left...it is still coming out. Right now I look like a little old lady who really needs a perm. The texture is coarse...my scalp is itchy.
My body hair stopped falling out last week--nothing is missing at this point. I still have my pelt...just missing a lot of antlers.

This week so far...post chemo session 1 of 6, week 2

Ok, so last weekend was not too bad...I was just tired. I was looking forward to being back at work and getting my schedule back in order. I was also looking forward to having my sis, Becky back in town.

I worked all week, at the office, with the exception of Thursday. That was exactly 2 weeks after the 1st chemo, and I felt so freakin' tired I couldn't hardly see straight. I went in for the usual bloodwork Thursday AM, with the intention of going to the office after, but by the time I got out of there, I was pooped. So, I drove home to take a nap...I had intended on sleeping for an hour or so then doing some work remotely from home. I ended up sleeping a full 4 hours...then doing some work from home!!! I guess I really was tired!

That night, I felt a little nauseous. I had taken the last of the diflucan the day before, an I needed to pick up the refill...so I did not fill it until later in the evening. I did take the dog for a long walk in the heat...and we played at the park for a while (he had me fetching the ball, actually)...so I wasn't sure what exactly "caused" me to feel nauseous. I ended up taking some of the anti-nausea meds...and the diflucan...and I felt a little better by the time I fell asleep (around midnight, unfortunately).

Well, Friday started off okay--I did notice my hair was starting to come out (on day 15) a few strands at a time (I'd actually been kind of obsessively picking at my hair to see if it would come out....it surely did start then!) I went up to the office, felt okay, but after I ate (we had a potluck gathering)...the gas, bloating and nausea hit again. Bummer. I hung out in the bathroom for a while and missed the ladies at work giving me some very cool hats! They ended up putting them on my desk, they had assumed I did not feel well (oh, they were right). Funny, I didn't throw up...haven't but one time in the first week...I just farted and sweated a LOT. As my Nana would have said, "A lot of wind, but no storm." Hmmm. Glad I had some of the anti-nausea meds with me. Took one, felt better within an hour.

Friday night was okay, I just had one hell of a headache--mostly a scalpache to be honest. Felt more like a surface or tension headache than a deep headache. Maybe something to do with my hair coming out. Or maybe I need to poke a hole in my skull and let the demons out?

Saturday (this) morning, I got up early and felt a wee bit ambitious. Still fatigued...but got some chores done. Felt good to get more things off of the to-do list. Again, I felt a bit nauseous around mid-day (4 hours after I ate this time...), so I took some compazine. Felt fine within an hour or so. Strange. Hair is coming out more rapidly now...all over. My hair is so thick though, you cannot really tell yet. I was thinking I would have my sister use the clippers on my hair--go for the buzz cut, but earlier today, I felt like I might not do that.

Tonight, I am feeling like I could have her do it soon...I don't know why I am waivering on this so much. I got some more hats (on clearance) at Target...they are fun...I am leaning more toward doing the hat and scarf thing than the wig thing...I just don't like wigs. Hell, it may just not be for me. I am totally and completely confused by wool hats being sold in Florida...okay, one or two...but whole displays? Wool?

I have that damn headache again tonight...I took some advil last night and it did not help, so I think I will pass on it tonight...no sense taking more crap if it won't do anything anyway.

Anyway, it has been a decent week overall...nothing unmanageable. I am having to drink lots of Mylanta every night (and sometimes during the day)...because the reflux and heartburn is in high-gear...daily and nightly.

Strange to be losing my hair though...I am still obsessively pulling some out every little while or so--it is kind of...fun...in an oddly psychotic way. Let me be clear...it does not hurt. It just comes out very easily. Hmmmm, will someone please make me stop pulling out my hair now?

I have been thinking about going back to the gym...or at least exercising more. I miss the gym...I just wonder if I have the stamina. I think I am healed up enough from the mastectomy to get back into the gym routine, so we shall see. Maybe some more walks once it finally cools off? I've been reading some articles and other blogs about folks' experiences relating to exercise and chemo. I will just have to figure out a way to manage the stamina/fatigue issues somehow.

With love, from the boobless and soon-to-be-hairless one in West Central Florida,
Tory