The Follicular Follies...

Here's where I am at as of today, April 5th, 2010.

Can I have some hair please?

Just a little blurb about hair regrowth after chemo...

I find myself obsessively watching my scalp for signs of head hair. Every night I shine a flashlight at just the right angle across my sad little head. Now, I still have hair that did not fall out during treatment...I have buzz cut that down to a "One Guard" for now...but every night I look for signs of new growth.

I have some very tiny fine blonde hairs coming in now, just some stubble filling in where I had been very bald. It tickles my fingers to rub my hands across my head.

Legs...my lower legs spit out enough hair that I opted to shave them this morning...my upper legs have some hairs coming in as well...these seem to be more slow and difficult (lots of ingrown hairs dammit!) My arm hairs are also coming in slowly...there were lots that did not fall out, but it is so blonde that you cant really see any hair on my arms at this point. Fine white-blonde hairs are coming in just like on my head.

Pubic hair? Well, after all was said and done, I was left with 3 pubic hairs. I called them my three soldiers guarding the Alamo. I thought about putting them out of their misery...but remembered being a youngster feeling so happy to have ANY pubic hairs...so I left them. I have called in 3 more troops...and there seem to be some others rising to the occasion...along with lots of very fine white-blonde hair (that really does nothing to guard the fort).

Nose hair? I am just fascinated by this. In an earlier blog, I mentioned that I sneezed out the last remaining ones some time ago. I have a few coming in here and there...I swear I can feel them growing in...in all their itchy glory. It is very hard to scratch the inside of your nose...my "regular" fingers are too big to get in there...so I have to use my pinky finger. I find that I am not as skilled with my pinky finger as, say, with my index finger. Oh well...live and learn.

Eyelashes: I never lost these...they may have thinned out a little, but I really did not notice.

My eyebrows are still very much there...but they have been downsized by about 50%. The only regrowth I have noticed there is that one damn eyebrow hair that comes out above my left eye...that one hair that is completely white and grows about an inch long, straight out...the one I always used to forget to pluck until the sun would hit it just right. Yeah, that little bastard is back. I plucked it and felt a little bad about it too.

I am including some pictures of the progression of my hair loss...and where I was as of last weekend. I will provide some re-growth pics as time goes on (I was somewhat obsessive with finding these photos or videos when I was losing my hair). Oh...and only head hair, sorry folks, but I don't need my Alamo ending up posted everywhere for folks to see!

The First Photo (2 days after my first chemo...)








Second Photo (2 weeks into chemo, I cut my hair short)

  

Above right: 2 weeks into second chemo treatment...about 75% of my hair had fallen out. You may also notice how the treatments affected my skin (very dry, required lots of makeup to keep from looking really "ill")

 

The black white above was taken 3 weeks after my last chemo treatment. The hair left on my head had not fallen out during chemo...but 90% was gone.

The last two photos (in color) were taken last weekend (4 weeks after my last chemo treatment; February 26th). No noticeable growth in the photos.

I have since buzzed my hair even shorter than in the last photo, as new little baby hairs are starting to come in. More photos soon!

Radiation Week 1 is over...woo hoo!

So, it has been a while since I have updated anything here. Things have been so busy for me--sometimes life just rushes by.

After a few simulations with the radiation folks, and my old-school dot tattoos, I was set to start radiation on 2/22/10. In the interim, I went to DFW to visit with Josh and my family. I had a chance to celebrate my last chemo treatment with some folks that I had not seen for many years in Denton. It was so nice to see folks...and to hang out at the Loophole. I tired out so fast though...ended up zonked by 11PM. Oh well, I am old and not a "party girl" anymore!!! Got to visit with my mom...and hang out with Josh on his birthday. That was nice!

Anyway, got back into Tampa and had to do some final imaging with the Radiation folks on the 18th and 19th. They had me keep my arms above my head for about an hour--by the end of that, I could not feel my fingers...and my arms felt like there were 5 million ants biting them at the same time. Yeouch!!!

Thursday the 18th was my first dose of Herceptin without any of the chemo meds. It seemed to go well. I took the Herceptin without any Benadryl or other meds...didn't really feel like I needed them. Had some minor itchiness with it, but I can't really tell if that is from all of my body hair growing back at once or what.

Radiation started on the 22nd. I will say that it was just plain strange. I have 4 series of radiation during the treatments. They last 20 seconds or less. I am specifically positioned for each series. I am on the table for about 5 minutes all told. Essentially, the machine is an x-ray machine...and the series consist of a long x-ray. Not a lot of whirring or banging like some of the other scanner things. Hmm. My skin is fine after the first week. I have been using Aloe Vera gel (from the health food store--so not the cheap stuff) every day on the area being zapped. The techs said that I might see some tanning or burning around week 3. We shall see.

I am slowly but surely regaining my strength...thank goodness! I can feel the weakness in my arms and legs getting less and less. I did struggle with some ugly edema last week. I could not see the bones in my ankles at all. What a pain in the ass. I had a massage at Cortiva Massage Institute on Wednesday--that helped immensley. I highly recommend massage during treatment...it has many many benefits. With elevation and the massage, by Friday, my edema in my ankles had subsided. Thank god!

Anyway, I've just been a bit tired this week...nothing major. So glad to have my sense of taste returning...good food--tastes so good!!!

More later!
Love,
Tory

Chemo Haze Weekend...still some side effects....

Well, I still had quite a time this past weekend with some of the nausea from chemo. Hell, I was up puking Sunday night for a while. That was just so much fun, lets not do it again, please!!!

Funny, I really didn't have much nausea during last week...I just trudged through work and chores and all of that fun stuff...and then wham-o...bring on feeling like crap during the weekend. Really sucked. Oh well, lots of rest...and had to put off going to the gym again.

These hot flashes and night sweats are "for the birds." I can't keep it straight what my apparent temperature is during my "awake" hours. The hot flashes are super fast onset and are intense...nothing I am doing seems to help with them, so I am just dealing with it. Hopefully they will subside soon. Night sweats...yeah, I've had to change into new bedclothes a couple of times overnight recently. AND I even had to change my beanie once or twice (it was totally soaked from head sweat!!!) Sheesh...

Well, I am now off of the antibiotics I have been taking for about 2 months (wow!) Sad, I have enjoyed taking them because they were the only thing clearing up the darn zits on my face!!! I have more acne as an adult than I ever had as a teenager. What is up with that??? I guess my body will be happier without the amoxicillin...let's just hope I don't have too much of a time coming off of them! Soon I will not have to take the diflucan either...yay, no more systemic yeast infections please!

Oooh...I had to shave my legs yesterday...first time in months. Well, it was actually just my ankles I had to shave...surprising how quickly that area grew in. Don't really know where it came from, because my nails all broke off last week...and none of the other hair on my body (that was lost) seems to be making much of an appearance. Weird.

Well, hopefully this nausea and puny-feeling bit will be over very soon...I am just about done with it. Ok, there, I am done with it!

Love,
Tory

Last chemo weekend...and appointment with the Radiology Oncologist today

Well, I had a crappy night's sleep overnight. Just kept waking up every couple of hours to major hotflashes and nightsweats. Hmmm...hopefully these will lessen soon (please).

This round of chemo has been tiring...but no major issues. Very similar to the first round again. No vomiting, no diarrhea. Just some dry mouth and feeling like my head was full of Jello. Oh, and my muscles have been weak as can be. My arms and legs have felt like there is just no strength in them. Hasn't really stopped me much though. I was able to get Sarge up to the Dog Park Friday (wow, I know!), Sunday and Monday evenings. It actually seemed to help my mood to get him out and about, so this was a good thing.

I did have some lovely nausea during the night (overnight) on Sunday and last night. The anti-nausea meds helped, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Food: I am still uber-picky with foods right now, and I have strange cravings still. Luckily, I have been craving things like strawberries and blueberries during the past couple of days--that beats cravings for Taco Bell (thank God!) Since I have managed to actually gain weight during this (steroids--nasty bastards), I am looking again at my food intake and exercise regimen. Starting to get some of my plans in place to get my diet back to "normal" and hopefully get back on a regular schedule with going to the gym. Just a couple more days of feeling "off" from the chemo, and I should be able to hit the gym again. I hope my muscles wake up again...I am wondering what my Red Blood Cell counts look like--probably low. I have been watching my iron and protein intake closely to try and combat some of my muscle fatigue. Sheesh...funny, I have actually been doing better than I thought on iron intake--protein, well, had to look at that one a little more closely.

So, today I go to the Radiation Oncologist. My appointment is at 9:30 AM. I have my usual list of questions typed up and ready to go. I guess I am a little nervous--meeting ANOTHER new doctor, finding out about another procedure/process to go through. What a royal pain in the ass.

My questions:
What time of day will I be getting radiation and for how long each day; how many treatments over how many weeks; what exactly does radiation do; how does one target the areas where the cancer was--lymph nodes, etc.; how do we know exactly what to hit; is it true you cannot radiate the same area twice; how will it affect my other bodily functions/what are the possible side effects; how do we protect other areas of my body, such as my lungs and thyroid; should I avoid or add certain foods/supplements; what kinds of creams or lotions should I use or not; how do I protect my skin; and is there something I should/can do to have a better outcome for my reconstruction that I have planned for later?

Well, I am just glad that Chapter 3 of treatment is on the horizon. Still feeling the effects of Chapter 2, but I am honestly feeling okay.

Can I have my hair back now please? :-)

~Tory

LAST CHEMO is DONE!!! WOO HOO!

Well, the day has finally come (and gone). I had my last chemo treatment on Thursday!

I met with the Doc first, and we discussed my schedule for seeing him moving forward (every 3 months); when I will start getting PET Scans (every 6 months); when I will begin getting blood tests for cancer markers (intermittently, about every 3 months); and how I will continue the Herceptin every 3 weeks through September. Bloodwork looked very good (with some lower Red Blood Cell counts--I swear I have been feeling that in my leg muscles, but the other counts were fine to continue with treatment). I also asked him to give me a ballpark estimate on my chances for recurrence...25% chance. Bummer...but let's not go there...75% chance of Cancer-Free for the rest of my life what I am going to focus on.

I started getting my chemo at around 11AM...during the Carboplatin administration I began to have an allergic reaction. We had to stop the Carboplatin (it was so close to being done anyway), because my feet and hands began to itch like mad. The palms of my hands turned bright red!!! Apparently, I was reacting to the Platinum in the med...so they ended up having to give me lots of steroids and extra Benadryl to calm down my reaction. I had moderate itching for about 45 minutes...with mild itchiness for the rest of the night (Benadryl helped). Hell, even when I went in on Friday afternoon for extra fluids I was still somewhat itchy.

Oh well...after 5.5 hours hooked up to the chemo machine, I was finally done. I was so tired and nauseous after this!!! Honestly, I think the Aloxi anti-nausea med made me feel more nauseous. Hmmm... I drove home and decided that I would take it easy for the night.

Friday: I slept in a bit and did some work from home via computer. I felt hot as hell...my chest and face were "beet red" from all of the extra steroids they had to give me. Around 1:30 PM, I went in for my extra fluids and my Neulasta shot. I remembered to take my Claritin earlier in the day; however, I somehow forgot to put the Lidocaine cream on the skin over my chemo port. MUST NOT FORGET THIS!!! I still have Herceptin to get every 3 weeks--and even with the sprays and an "expert nurse" putting the needle into the port, that shit hurts!!!Yeouch!

Anyway, I asked for some extra Benadryl to help with the itching...and I asked for some extra Aloxi to help with nausea. I do think Aloxi is crap. Did not seem to help the nausea AT ALL...in fact, I would say I felt more nauseous after it (although I know this could just be mental).

After leaving the doc's office, I drove home and decided to take the dog up to the Dog Park. We stayed there for about an hour...then he went up and pawed at his leash to go home! Sarge is such a good dog...I am so grateful to have him during this experience. He is a total MESS...although I am not sure if I would handle life well without people and critters with issues surrounding me. :-)

LOTS of heartburn, chemo burps and chemo farts last night. Went to bed around 9:30 PM...slept in until 8 AM or so. Good night's sleep...weird dreams though.

So, just a few days of feeling funky...the bad kind of funky. Then, I will begin My Life 2.0!

Upcoming Appointment:
Meet with the Radiation Oncologist on Tuesday

Need To:
Start making appointments to meet with Reconstruction Surgeons...so I can begin looking forward to my NOOBIES. :-)

Love,
Tory

Last chemo is tomorrow!!!

So, the last scheduled chemo treatment is TOMORROW! I am so glad this day is finally (almost) here! I will be going in and meeting with the Doc at 9:45 AM then on to chemo for about 4 hours. I know I will feel yucky for about 5 days...but I am ready for this now. I am so ready for this to be over with!

I am ready for my hair to come back; I am ready for my skin to stop looking so dry and wrinkly; I am ready to stop retaining so much water because of the nasty steroids; I am ready for my face to stop needing so much makeup; I am ready for my throat to stop hurting; I am ready for strange food cravings to end; I am ready to stop taking weird medications to keep from getting opportunistic infections; I am ready to not have to plan my life around when I will feel bad or good; I am just plain ready.

I know that radiation treatment will be a pain in the butt...having to go in and get zapped every day for 5-6 weeks is not what I'd call fun; however, I know that it will be much easier on me and my body than chemo.

I know that I will keep having to go every 3 weeks to get Herceptin through the port in my chest. It will take about 90 minutes each time for it to be administered--and I will do this every 3 weeks until October; however, I know that it will be NOTHING like the mess of poisons I have been receiving.

I know that I will have surgery about 6 months after my last radiation treatment. I still do not know what all this will entail; however, I know that I will be just fine.

I know that Breast Cancer sucks; however, I know it has changed me--and I am grateful for this odd gift (well, the fruits of it--I haven't gone that nutty).

Here's to no more poison...
Here's to lots more living!

Love,
Tory

Less than a week until my last chemo...

Well, less than one week until my last chemo! I've been feeling really well this week--a bit tired, but I have managed to drag myself up to the gym two nights after work!!! I've been really excited about work...love some of the projects I am working on. I've even managed to get the dog up to the dog park most nights this week!

My appointment with the Radiation Oncologist (http://www.tbropa.com/index.html is the website...my doc is Greenberg) is set for February 2nd. I will find out what that treatment will be like--exactly when it will begin, what it entails, etc.

Soon, I would like to also meet with some surgeons to discuss reconstruction options. I've researched this quite a bit; however, I've put this on the backburner recently...

Funny, I've noticed my head hair is GROWING! Not new hair where I am bald, but the little fine hairs I have left are growing. WEIRD! At the same time, the hair on the rest of my body is evacuating--my pubes have seriously gone on vacation. And they have not done so in an orderly fashion.

I have had some moderate nosebleeds this week--mostly earlier in the week (and last weekend). They were heavier than they had been...but manageable. I found that I just had to let it clot...and then not mess with the damn clot. Too bad it is fun to dig out bloody booger clots. Hmmm. I apparenly need a new hobby.

Well, I am elated that my last chemo "treatment" is less than a week away. So glad...ready to be done being poisoned....and hopefully cured!

Bring on the last treatment! Let's get this shit over with!

Chemo Weekend #5...tired, sleep, nauseous, hot flashes, chest pains?

Ok, so I am feeling pretty puny tonight. This round reminds me a lot of round #1 where I had this weird ringing in my ears, hot feelings constantly, kinda outer-worldly "I think someone is poisoning me" feeling...hey, someone is!!! Lord do I feel tired and out of sorts!
I am hot one minute, cold the next...and I have this weird feeling like my skin is too big for my body. Weird? Yes, except that my head skin (stay with me) feels too small for my head. No, I am not stoned...and no, I have not taken extra anti-nausea meds today. FYI: most of the cool anti-nausea meds are Atypical-Anti-Psychotics that have the side effect of making one not feel nauseated. Still wonder who figured out that stuff--and how.
Anyway, started getting these weird pains in my chest last night...on the right side (next to my heart). Last night I shrugged it off and went up to McDonald's to get a BigMac (at 10:30 PM). Hey, nothing like "celebrating" a chest pain by eating a BigMac. God, those are disgusting (-ly AMAZING). Yep, disgusting, amazing...incredibly salty. Yeah, polished it off with an Oreo McFlurry. Like I needed that, but hey--I had a serious craving for a BigMac and a McFlurry. These cravings never occur, so hey, why not indulge? Yes, it was late, and yes I went to sleep shortly thereafter. And YES, I had wicked-cool dreams. Well, nightmares actually. Hmmm...
So, got up this AM and went in to work...after my nose stopped bleeding and the worst of the nausea calmed down a bit. On the way up to the office, I realized I had forgotten to take my Claritin...yes, the bone pain was kicking my ass (pelvis, actually), so I stopped at the store and got the 10mg loratadine tabs...
At the office, I started having the chest pains again. In one spot...on the right side, just to the right of my heart. Damn, trying to calm yourself down can be a difficult task in such situations. The pains were intermittent...jabbing, sharp pains. No real rhythm to them...but hey, I put my tail between my legs and decided to head over to the doc just to be sure. Yep, pet me on the head, I actually went to my doc with chest pains.
Hmmm...saw my doc's assistant Nellie again. She figures I am fine...probably more bone pain from the Neulasta...or a pulled muscle, but she sent me over to St. Joseph's for a chest x-ray just to be sure. No call back tonight from the doc, so I am figuring the x-ray was fine or will not be read until tomorrow. Meh, felt okay after the x-ray, still having these weird intermittent pains in my chest though. Feels kinda like a spasm of sorts.
Anyway, I am really tired. I slept some this afternoon, and I am getting ready to head back to bed again now. Thank goodness I am not having a weird craving for some crap fast food tonight! Soup and toast sated me nicely.
Just 17 days until my last chemo...I want this over with NOW. Soon...soon...I am so tired...mentally and physically. I am ready to be done!!!

Chemo part 5 of 6--Just one more to go!!!

Well, yesterday I had my 5th of 6 chemotherapy sessions over in Tampa. I slept horribly the night before--my nerves were just through the roof. I think I was worried about having the side effects I had from the last chemo. Hmmm...

My appointment was at 9:30AM, and my friend Judith was able to come sit with me during the appointment and treatment. Judith rocks!!! My weight was a bit higher than I had anticipated; however, the stupid steroids are still making me retain so much water in my midsection--I was not too surprised.

The nurse drew blood from my chemo port again...but she had some trouble this morning, and she missed the port at first. That was not pleasant AT ALL. Not recommended. Makes you a wee bit nauseous--dizzy, and yeah, I thought seriously about taking a quick nap! I didn't (thank goodness), and she was able to get the needle in properly on the second attempt. Youch!

Met with the doctor's assistant "Nellie" today. I like her...she does a very thorough physical exam (hands on, asks lots of questions, etc.) We decided to do ANOTHER course of antibiotics because I still am coughing a bit from the cold I got last month (hey, I like to hang on to things sometimes!!!) We also decided that because I had such a rough time with the side effects last time, I would come back on Friday (today) to get some extra fluids and extra anti-nausea meds via IV. I am happy with this.

The chemo administration itself went okay, although I did get a bit nauseous at first (probably mental...) It lasted a bit longer than it had in the past...I was there for about 5 hours...Judith dutifully sat next to me and watched me nap most of the time. It was very nice to have her there...I felt relaxed enough to sleep this time, and last time I did not. Trust me, it is just better to have a buddy with you!!! During the last little while, while I was getting the Herceptin, I felt a bit woosy--but it went away within a minute or two. Again, I felt fine enough to drive after I got up and walked around for a bit. Made it home with no problem!

I did run into my friend Nancy at the office. She is almost done with radiation and is still receiving the Herceptin treatments every 3 weeks (like I will be). Her hair is coming back in very thick! Looks adorable...nice to see her looking smiley and happy.

Last night was just fine...I was very hungry and ate small amounts of food throughout the night. Lots of fluids too! This kinda sucked considering the master bathroom toilet was not functioning...so I had to trek over to the guest bathroom A LOT! Oh well, getting the toilet fixed right now...then I will get ready for round 2 of the doc's visit!

Had a bit of trouble falling asleep last night...but was finally able to. This am I am feeling hot (from the steroids), and my skin gets this lovely shade of bright red from the steroids too. We'll see how the side effects are...they have a tendency to kick in later today...although each time has been slightly different.

Well...thank you RotoRooter man, for fixing my toilet...I hope I do not have to abuse it anytime soon!

More later,
Tory

Chemo Girl rocks the gym!

So, I felt very well today and decided to head up to the gym. I had a great workout...30 minutes of cardio and about 45 minutes of weights. I was able to do well tonight--still operating at about 2/3 of where I was at with the weight work (having to do less sets), but am able to get the weight to just about where I was before.

Didn't feel too self-conscious tonight, and I was happy to see there were so many other folks wearing beanies! It was about 44 degrees outside (frigid by Tampa Bay standards!) Nice not to be the only one in a hat!!!

Chemo Part 4 was NO FUN!!!

Well, I guess it had to happen sometime...

I was down big-time after this round of chemo. Yes, I am thinking that the cold/bronchitis (whatever) I had to go along with it considerably added to the "experience..." This was one of those events that you hear chemo is like...the vomiting, the diarrhea, cold sweats, hot sweats, room spinning--please just let me sleep through this!!! Well, that would have made the bed messy! So, I endured by sitting naked on the toilet with my bathroom trash can in my lap. Yep--both ends evacuating at the same time.

I couldn't even keep my anti-nausea meds down...or anything else down for that matter, so they were no use. I do know that there are dissolveable meds you can put on your tongue...but honestly, I wanted to puke out whatever was in there...and it didn't last too long.

Saturday was when most of this hit me...so I just puked, shat and slept (when not performing the aforementioned.) I honestly wondered when it would be over! Luckily, I felt better by Sunday...was even able to clean up after myself a bit. Monday, I felt lots better...even trekked up to the office for work! Now that is perserverance--dammit!

Dear toilet and trashcan:
I know, you did not deserve that, but thanks for being there! Oh, and you are welcome for the Lysol and bleach.
Love,
Tory

Chemo: Part 4 of 6 Today! I am 2/3 done!!!

Well, I woke up feeling a bit better this morning. I have been taking DayQuil and NyQuil pills during the past couple of days to help some of these apparent cold symptoms. They have been helping--the NyQuil has especially helped with me getting some good sleep at night.

I made it over to Tampa for my appointment, and the doc pulled me back before my bloodwork had been started. Apparently, there was a huge backup with getting bloodwork done, and he was ready for me! We talked for a while. He informed me that I DO NOT have the BRCA genetic mutation to blame for my Breast Cancer...hmmm, very interesting stuff. This is good news for my sis though...and that makes me feel pretty darn good! We also discussed my current infection--he gave me a look over and prescribed me with Augmentin to start after I am done with the Z-Pack. I also will have refills on this script, since I seem to be susceptible right now to these types of infections. I told him that this seemed so strange, as it started in my nose and my chest...then moved into my sinuses. Weirdness. Oh well, I am sure it will be fine...I am just ready to not be sick on top of, well, being chemo-sick!!!

Then we discussed my getting the massages (he gave me the note I needed)--I told him how helpful it was with my retaining water...worked better than limiting sodium AND exercise. Hell, the massages seemed to move out the excess fluids fairly quickly. I also told him that the school may be interested in working with their group somehow...and that they may be contacting him directly. He indicated that there were some folks that used to come to the office (before they had changed companies) and provide massages there to the patients. Hmmm...we'll see what they do with it, if anything!

We discussed travel again...and he said he was glad I was traveling...to call if I needed anything. And I (again) reminded him about the Claritin helping Neulasta bone pain. I told him that I started taking it BEFORE the shot last time, and I had very little pain this last time. He said he has recommended it to at least one other with some success...GOOD! I wish someone would figure out the connection there!!!

Anyway, I went back to get my bloodwork in the chemo administration area. They jacked in to my port (no, I did not look this time--that is just too gross!) and had the results within a few minutes. So, my bloodwork looked VERY GOOD...no issues at all...and I had no fever. Okay. Chemo #4 was about to get underway!!!

I didn't have any strange reactions this time...haven't really had any issues with it since the first one, so it went fairly smoothly. I didn't even get as loopy as I had last time from the Ativan shot...although I did get fairly nauseous during the last 45 minutes or so, during the Herceptin administration. Nothing major, just some mild nausea. Strange...I felt monsterously hungry along with the nausea.

Well, after about 4 hours of chemo, I was free to go...after they checked my blood pressure and weight. Blood pressure was a bit high (steroids, maybe?) and my weight is back down a bit (less fluid retention, maybe?) Next "appointment" is my shot of Neulasta tomorrow afternoon...then chemo on January 7th at 9:30 AM.

Becky came to get me tonight...although I felt like I could drive home this time, so I asked if she would follow me. I was a little tired...but I seemed fine--I was grateful she followed me home in case I had any problems! My sister rocks! Thanks Beck!

Well, after a nice helping of Becky's turkey meatloaf, some hummus and some Alaskan Truffles...I had to have some pizza. I ordered some and chowed down. Good lord! Haven't been that hungry in a while! Hmmm...don't even feel overstuffed. And I just noticed my cold symptoms are a bit better tonight...

Let's see what tomorrow holds!

With love,
Tory

Still Sick...wondering about Chemo tomorrow....

Well, I am feeling better mentally today...still sick and tired though! This infection (cold, bronchitis?) has been kicking my ass... Curious what my bloodwork will look like tomorrow and if the doc will go forward with my scheduled chemo at 10AM. If so, I will be 2/3 through, dammit! Ready for this shit to be over with--enough already!!!

I will say that this infection is acting more like a cold...or the Z-Pack has helped with whatever was going on in my chest...it seems to have moved up into my head (sinuses, nose and throat) now. I'll have to chat with the doc about getting some more Augmentin for the sinusitis bit of this...hell, you know if I am asking for antibiotics, I am sick. I hate taking those things!!!

Oh well, I have my list of questions for the doc all ready for tomorrow...

I hope I am feeling better in the AM.

Sick, Tired, and really Depressed

Well, tonight I am just feeling depressed and alone. I hate feeling like this!!! I am so tired of chemo right now, I cannot even express my frustration. I am sick--this damn infection is acting more like a cold virus than bronchitis (better, maybe?), I have my next chemo in just over a day...no one will be sitting with me during chemo this time...oh well. I guess I am just being a big baby. But I am PISSED, SAD, ANGRY, and I cannot seem to stop crying tonight!!!

I couldn't go in to the office today--had to work at home. And I feel so fucking guilty about that. I know I have been trying very hard to keep up a normal routine and pace at work...hell, I just need to give myself a break. I bust my ass most of the time...I just hate that I couldn't make it in today. There was a big meeting I really needed to be at, and I was just too sick to be there. What a royal pain in the ass.

I did post my first "negative message" on Facebook...and much to my surprise, lots of folks had some really kind and reassuring things to say back to me. Those comments were really nice to hear...I've been reading them into the night tonight. Funny how it makes me feel less "alone!"

Well, it is late, and I need my rest to try and get better before chemo on Wednesday. Ugh...yes, I will be 2/3 through on Wednesday...that is a good thing! I think...

Ugh...feel so effin' sick..

REALLY?
I just hate this! I am so tired of chemo, it is making me crazy already! And now I seem to have picked up bronchitis...or a head cold...or some stupid sickness that is making me nuts! What the hell?

I did call the on-call doc today to have them start me on something--he was super-nice and called me in the ol' Z-Pack to get me started (in case it was bronchitis). Hell, I have chemo scheduled for Wednesday, I have a ton of work I REALLY want to be able to do Monday and Tuesday...I just hate this. I hate that my immune system is so out of whack. I haven't gotten sick like this in so long...and it hit so freakin' fast!!! Arrgh.

Sneeze sneeze, cough, cough.

Special Population Massage...then Sneezing...Coughing...ugh...

Well, this morning I got up to head over to Cortiva Institute for my Special Populations massage session. I had been unable to get a doctor's note in time, but they decided they would be nice and work on me (but only very very lightly). This time was fine...the young woman did a nice job! I felt good and relaxed afterward...even sleepy--went home for a nap!!!

Ugh, I woke up from my nap thinking I was going to cook up some meals for the week for Becky and me...and then I started sneezing and coughing. It started to get worse so fast, that I realized within a couple of hours I might just have bronchitis!! Shit! Like I need this crap right now!

I absolutely hate being sick...and if I don't feel better tomorrow, I will have to call the docs...too bad it will be Sunday...sheesh.

Feelin' better...

Well, as is the typical pattern, I had about 5 days of feeling very puny after my chemo session. Honestly, it  was more like 4 days...but it sure did feel longer.

Yesterday was pretty good; however, I had some stomach issues (nausea, a little bit of vomiting), but nothing that was intense or uncontrollable (with the anti-nausea meds and/or Gaviscon). My brain was still a bit fuzzy yesterday, and I am still finding trouble locating words at times to make my point or describe something...but this is much better than the first few days post chemo.

I find that I am retaining a bit of water...my clothes feel a bit tight around my waist and thighs. This started to wane a bit starting last night, and I know it will get better today and tomorrow with more movement. Hell, I spent a few days in bed guys!

Anyway, my sister buzzed my hair down to 1/2 an inch. Well...if you can call it hair. It really looks like fine baby hair. Funny, the feeling of the wind or a breeze on your scalp is not one I am used to. I am taking the time to notice this sort of thing and just feel it. Feels pretty cool--and, well, cool temperature wise too!

I did some yoga yesterday AM and some stretches this AM...feels really really good!

Well, I am off to career-land! Hope you are all enjoying your day...on purpose! We have so much to be thankful for!!!

~Tory

Thanksgiving Chemo-Daze...

So my doc said I was a brave "nut" for getting my chemo treatment the day before Thanksgiving. He is correct, I am a nut...but that is something that is fairly well-accepted and known, right?

Becky and I got up very early Thanksgiving morning to do the St. Petersburg Times Turkey Trot. She ran the 5K, and I did the 1 mile fun run/walk with her afterward. I did okay...but I think my legs were jelly after we were done. I was ready to go home and nap after that! Luckily, I had been ambitious the night before, and made up all of the dishes for our Thanksgiving meal. I don't know...just felt "speedy" and like getting it done and out of the way. Makes for a much more enjoyable day when you just have to throw things into the oven and wait!

After a nap, Becky and I got up and enjoyed our meal outside on the front patio. It was nice! Food was great, and I was stuffed. I was extremely exhausted after this, so I ended up going to bed around 8:30 PM. Weird, I was feeling a bit dizzy, somewhat nauseous and just whipped. I realized that I had not taken my suggested doses of Zofran and/or Compazine (for nausea), so I took both before bed. My night of sleep was fitful, and I woke up numerous times feeling dizzy and nauseous. I had lots of issues with reflux too, so it was not the most pleasant of nights...

Friday AM consisted of my getting up and going to Tampa for my Neulasta shot. My brain was so mushy that I missed my exit off the highway and had to loop back around. Kind of felt like an extreme head-cold...or maybe the flu...when you are just in a sort of haze, bouncing from one thing to the next. I guess "chemo brain" is one way of describing it...I certainly had trouble carrying on intelligent or even coherent conversations. Got my Starbucks after the shot...and had a wicked craving for tacos--and I hate Taco Bell, but apparently I had to have some...hmmm. 3 crispy tacos later, Tory was sated and happy.

I napped on and off for the rest of the day Friday...just felt shitty. I could not focus on anything, I felt nauseous, dizzy, pissy, out-of-sorts...meh. I did manage to get Sarge up to the Dog Park in the evening...don't know how I did it, but I did. Luckily he was quick to tire of the park today...so we were only there for about 30 minutes or so. More sleep after this.

Today I got up and felt a bit better than yesterday, but still dizzy and nauseous. The nausea is manageable for me...I think I could puke if I concentrated on it...but why do that? I had to keep reminding myself to take the Compazine every 4-6 hours to keep the weirdness at bay. I have been doing laundry on and off today...in between some awesome naps! Also felt like getting out and picking up my prescriptions, my Starbucks, a sandwich...and some well-advised Ginger-Ale. When I was out, I started feeling better and better. Still "off" and a bit out of sorts, but physically and mentally better. I did find that I had to make myself pay very good attention while driving today. So...I just stayed off of the heavily travelled roads and focused.

I have been taking Claritin for the bone pain (Neulasta)...I started it one hour before the actual shot was given. This seems to have kept a lot of the sharp pains down to a more manageable level. I have had some sharper, jabbing pains today in my knees and hips...but they are quick...fleeting...so this I can manage.

My nose started in with the bleeding earlier today. Not too bad, just some bloody snot. My mouth is a bit dry, but not terrible...and I am making myself drink as much water as I can possibly manage. I will say that food is not enticing to me...I have intermittent and strange cravings, and I cannot stand to think of anything sweet today. Leftovers make me gag right now...I haven't even touched my favorite pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving day--freaky! Bland was the word of the morning...then a sub this afternoon with lots of spicy mustard and juicy ham. I don't know...none of it makes sense. At least I can eat and keep it in me!

Overall, this round is a butt-kicker--similar to the first round. The second one seemed better to me. I have all of these things I would like to do...play in the garden, straighten up some messes I have around the house, even sit down to watch a movie...but I cannot seem to focus much or for very long on any one thing. Oh well, it will be over with soon. Just have to rest when my body says to rest...and I am.

Well, enough rambling for now...
~Tory

Chemo #3 today...and I am halfway through!

Well, I went in early today to meet with my Oncologist, Dr. Wright, and to have my 3rd of 6 scheduled chemo sessions. Becky and I got there at 8:30 AM, and after some financial paperwork, I went back for blood work.
I have to remember not to look at blood coming out of me...it just makes me faint...not "go out" faint, but really seriously think about taking a nap, queazy lightheadedness. Especially when they are jacking in to my port...that stuff comes out quickly...right next to my heart. Fun fun.
Anyway, they did the blood draw for the BRCA genetic mutation test today. We should have the results within a few weeks. This mutation causes a propensity for breast and ovarian cancer. I have no ovaries anymore, and no boobies right now...so lets hope nothing else crops up!
Met with the doc. He indicated the bloodwork continues to look good...my Red Blood Cells were a bit low, and I asked him if there was something I could do to work on that--he said stop chemo. Hehhee. I told him that he did not have to offer twice! So, I guess my hemoglobin is okay, so he is not worried about my RBC. Other tests look good. My sinus infection is also clearing up...so that is nice...still quite a few more days of Augmentin (antibiotic) to clear that up.
I bitched again about the Neulasta shot causing intense "bone pain." Reminded him about Claritin, and told him I would keep him apprised of how it works. He said that he has mentioned it to others in the office and they had not heard of it. I told him he should do a study...and figure out what is in Claritin that reduces the pain effect.
I asked about traveling during December, after my 4th chemo (which we moved up a day to possibly accommodate my traveling out to Texas during the December holidays). He said, "No restrictions." I like that! So, it depends on how I am feeling and how much time I can get off work during the holidays. We shall see.

Next Steps:
Neulasta Shot on Friday (11/27; would have this tomorrow, but the office is closed...)
Chemo #4 (and next Oncologist Dr. Appointment) is on 12/16 at 10AM; Neulasta shot following day
Chemo #5 (and Dr. Appt) is on 1/7/10
Chemo #6 (final scheduled! with Dr. Appt) is on 1/28/10
Radiation should start approximately 3 weeks after last chemo!

Well, tomorrow is Turkey Day...and Beck and I will be getting up early to go to her 5k Turkey Trot Race...then we both will do the 1 Mile "Gobbler" fun walk/run. I think I will walk it! After this...we have turkey, greenbean casserole, sausage stuffing, veggies, blueberry pie and pumpkin pie, and onion dinner rolls. Yummy! Gimme a lazy day after an early start!

P.S. My head hair is falling out again...so what is left of it may be gone soon. Hmmm...I am diggin' the berets and hats!