Last "Regular Radiation..." targeted begins tomorrow...

So, today I had my last "regular radiation" treatment. Tomorrow I begin my "targeted" or "boost" radiation of just the scar line. I learned today that the difference is that protons are aimed at the area (instead of electrons as have been the case with regular radiation). Hmmm...interesting.

Well, my skin is fairly trashed at this point. This is the latest pic of the burns under my arm. Yes, it hurts a bit...although I am still numb at the worst part...it is just the area beneath it that hurts (there is some swelling there).

I also took some pictures of the radiation machine...the "Linear Accelerator." The machine is the one I have been visiting every day. I also took a pic of my view during part of treatment.

Working...shirtless

Today I had an early Radiation Doc appointment--my usual Tuesday meeting with him and then he had to "mark me up" for the targeted/boost radiation treatment set to begin on Thursday, April 1, 2010. The doc looked at my skin and offere to let me have a "rest" from radiation for a couple of days. I asked if that meant they would make me get them later, yes it would, so I said, "No, just treat me." Hell, I was so upset when I learned that my last day of radiation was NOT March 31st, but April 8th...I can not stand to go beyond that dammit!!!

Yes, my skin is fried. There are at least 5 different spots with 2nd degree burns or worse, and one area (under my arm) is constantly "draining." The stinging...this truly sucks!

Anyway, I was "marked up," then treated, then set up for targeted radiation. Thankfully, I only had to have two of the usual four series of treatments today--we are done with treating the super-clavicle area (last one was Monday). What was really fun today was that I could not apply any of the Silvedene cream to my skin until after treatment. Normally, I put it on in the morning (after my shower) and then in the evenings and before bed. However, because I cannot apply it within 4 hours before being treated, and with such an early appointment today, I went in with having only applying aloe gel. Don't get me wrong, aloe gel is great, but it really does very little for me at this point. Plus, when it dries, it has the tendency to make your skin a bit tight and dry.

Well, because I was unable to wear any top that even somewhat resembled "business casual," I opted to head home after the appointment and do some work remotely...and shirtless. The shirt I wore to treatment had to be soaked so the stains would not set in...

My last "regular" radiation treatment is tomorrow...then five days of targeted treatment along the scar line. Luckily, the scar line is not burned up too badly, yet.

Cancer Impatient...

It has been a little while since I have written much about my ongoing treatment. Honestly, I have been so busy with many different things, and, I suppose, trying not to devote too much mental energy to my being a "cancer patient."  I have been going to work each day, then dragging myself to Tampa to get radiation treatment every afternoon. After that, I have been going to the dog park with Sarge and/or to the gym to work out.

Last week, when I saw the Radiation Oncologist, I complained that my skin was beginning to crack, peel and sting. He prescribed Silvedene cream. What a god-send! That stuff really makes it feel better; however, it does not stop me from continuing to be burned worse and worse. By the end of last week, I had the Radiation Therapists look and tell me if I was okay. Sadly, they said that many folks get much worse burns than me--so I guess I am okay. Oh, the doc also prescribed Flexaril for the spasms in my neck (it helped...and I have taken it twice; however, it makes me feel so crappy the next day, I probably will not take it again.) The neck spasms are not as bad lately though...so I will endure.

Today, while getting ready for work, I noticed that my major sores from radiation (under my arm, on my upper back, and around my collarbone) were oozing..and some spots spontaneously bled when I lifted my arm. That was lovely--I noticed the shirt I had worn to bed had moisture and/or blood from the radiatedd skin as well. So, I opted to go without a bra/cami, and I put on a larger cotton shirt. Then, I tied a big scarf around my neck and let it drape over my chest (to cover my lack of breasts and any possible bleeding or oozing that might seep through my shirt.) So--I was set, and I went off to work for the day.

While heading to Tampa for radiation treatment, I began to feel a bit gloomy. My skin felt so tight, and various spots were stinging like crazy. The radiation therapist looked at my skin again...and he had the nurse come look to see if we needed to forego treatment for the day. She gave me instructions to use Domeboro as a compress on my burns, especially where the skin had "broken down." I went ahead with treatment though...and I fought tears.

I suppose I could describe the feeling I had as loneliness. Hell, you are laying there, "receiving" radiation from this large machine hovering over you, you are alone, in a large room--warning lights flash to ensure no one else enters the room and is subject to the radiation. And when your skin is already so burned...tight and stinging...you choose to forge ahead and subject yourself to even more...

I cried a bit while driving to the pharmacy. I went from sad to mad...I guess I was mad at the world...for not having a true "partner" in all of this, for not having someone to care for me...then I got mad at myself for being such a good little "victim."

So, at home, I applied the compress--that stung like hell, then I slathered on some Silvedene cream. That provided some relief--thank goodness.

Needless to say, I did not make it up to the gym. I had to call and cancel my appointment with the trainer. Oh well, that would have been a bit unfortunate anyway...sweat, blood and oozing sores. No one likes to see that at their local gym...

Some pics of my burns...yes, I look really happy! ;-)

The white gunk is the Silvedene cream.

Armpit (left) and shoulder (right).

Hair is coming in...sloooooowwwwlllyyyy

Hair regrowth as of the 28th of March, two months after my last chemo.

Radiation Burns...

Well, here is a photo of some of the burns I have from radiation treatment. With about 1 week of regular radiation to go, there are some areas where my skin is breaking down (armpit--ouch!) It is a bit painful in some spots, but nothing unmanageable!

Hair Progress?

Goodness, this is slow!!!

Three more weeks of Radiation!

Well, as of today (after today's radiation treatment, actually), I have 3 more weeks of radiation treatment. The final "regular" radiation is on March 31st...then I have 5 "boosts" that will target the area along the scar line. So...the last day should be April 8th.

So far, I have had 3.5 weeks of radiation. I have developed a mild "tan" to my skin on the areas they are targeting. I am using aloe gel (bottled and purified) and/or aloe directly from the plant (just cut off the outside and smear it on!) The aloe seems to be helping, but my skin is still tender and dry where they are treating. I have a couple of small sores in the general area where I have scratched some tender skin...it just opens up and bleeds quite easily. Fun fun!

I don't know if it is the position they have me in each day or the radiation itself, but I have had some lovely neck and shoulder-area muscle spasms. These usually get worse after each radiation treatment...and I have had neck and shoulder pain just about daily. During the weekends, I seem to get a bit of a reprieve...and just after I get my Wednesday massage I do much better. The massage I had last week (March 10th) loosened me up all the way through the 16th...I had no pain until that afternoon! Yay massages!

Really, radiation is just a pain to have to endure each day (an inconvenience). You get used to it...it becomes part of your daily routine...and it becomes less emotional the more you go...well, as long as there is an end in sight! I will say that having fun, happy and upbeat folks at the radiation center makes a huge difference...they make me laugh, and they make me as comfortable as possible...kudos to them!

please grow, please grow...PLEASE?

Come on already!!! I am feeling so impatient with my hair!!! Here's where I am at as of March 15th, 2010, about 6 weeks after my last chemo treatment.

Herceptin...Radiation...fatigue, oh my!

Today, March 11th, was my first combo-day, with Herceptin in the morning and Radiation in the afternoon. Yeah...by the time I made it home and into my bed, I wasn't sure if I could do all of this anymore. I am amazed at how emotionally taxing it is to visit two different oncologists in one day...

I met with the Medical Oncologist (well, his assistant, Nellie, who is great!) this AM before the Herceptin treatment. I told her I have been feeling a bit down...and very tired. Still seem to have some minor edema on occasion (mostly in my ankles), but this has gotten much better since I have been getting regular massages. My red blood cell count is still very low; however, the other components seem to be okay...they don't seem to feel I need any Iron or blood transfusion at this point. I am going to watch this closely...okay, time to eat more meat!

I have developed a small "pouch" of fluid around the incision line on the right side of my chest (not the side that had cancer). It is fluid filled (you can tell by the way it acts--and Nellie checked it to be sure), and does not appear to be anything to be too concerned about at this point. She instructed me to use a warm compress to try to alleviate it. There is no pain from it...just strange having a little pouch of fluid there. She said it could have been caused by "trauma" or a mild injury to the muscle area. Well, I did install a patio last weekend (with concrete pavers), so this could be my own damn fault!!! Oh well, I will watch it and see if we need to do anything further--she said that the surgeon could drain it if absolutely necessary. Let's hope not...I am truly sick of needles...and surgeons.

I asked her about weight loss...I had actually gained around 14 pounds during treatment. She reminded me that this often occurs during Breast Cancer Treatment, and that my metabolism should be getting back to normal soon. I have lost a few pounds, but I am struggling to lose much more...and I have been exercising and reducing my caloric intake. The fluid retention seems to be playing a role, and still, my metabolism is a bit off. Hopefully soon, I will see some of this come off!!!

The Herceptin administration went fine...took just over 1.5 hours...I took no additional medications with it (again), and I had no apparent reactions. Well, I did feel nauseous during and for a while after the administration. Hmmm...very likely mental, but who knows. What is the difference anyway?!?!

After I was done at the Medical Oncology office, I went and pigged out for lunch. Hehehe...trying to lose weight are you??? Try the buffet at Golden Corral. Funny, my thinking was...MEAT. Yep, I had a whole plate of it. Goodness, that was yummy--yes, even the "mystery meat" tasted good. I hadn't been to a Golden Corral for many moons...it is still deliciously nasty--but I stuck with meats and veggies (um, except that last plate--let's just call that my "refined sugars" plate, shall we?)

Then...off to get "zapped!" Radiation went fine as it has been. The folks at Tampa Bay Radiation Oncology are great. I love the two folks I usually see there each day! After they were done, I ventured to ask about my final radiation appointment...the 31st of March, right? NO. The 31st is the last day of "regular radiation," but I get another 5 treatments after that--"boosts!" Oh? April 8th is now my last day...

When they told me this, I fought back tears...emotionally, I just crashed. I drove home...exhausted (mentally and physically), and crawled into my bed. I was a total zombie for most of the night...

Really...really...really ready to be done with all of this treatment...

Hair?

Well, here's where I am at as of March 7th, 2010.

Can I have some hair please?

Just a little blurb about hair regrowth after chemo...

I find myself obsessively watching my scalp for signs of head hair. Every night I shine a flashlight at just the right angle across my sad little head. Now, I still have hair that did not fall out during treatment...I have buzz cut that down to a "One Guard" for now...but every night I look for signs of new growth.

I have some very tiny fine blonde hairs coming in now, just some stubble filling in where I had been very bald. It tickles my fingers to rub my hands across my head.

Legs...my lower legs spit out enough hair that I opted to shave them this morning...my upper legs have some hairs coming in as well...these seem to be more slow and difficult (lots of ingrown hairs dammit!) My arm hairs are also coming in slowly...there were lots that did not fall out, but it is so blonde that you cant really see any hair on my arms at this point. Fine white-blonde hairs are coming in just like on my head.

Pubic hair? Well, after all was said and done, I was left with 3 pubic hairs. I called them my three soldiers guarding the Alamo. I thought about putting them out of their misery...but remembered being a youngster feeling so happy to have ANY pubic hairs...so I left them. I have called in 3 more troops...and there seem to be some others rising to the occasion...along with lots of very fine white-blonde hair (that really does nothing to guard the fort).

Nose hair? I am just fascinated by this. In an earlier blog, I mentioned that I sneezed out the last remaining ones some time ago. I have a few coming in here and there...I swear I can feel them growing in...in all their itchy glory. It is very hard to scratch the inside of your nose...my "regular" fingers are too big to get in there...so I have to use my pinky finger. I find that I am not as skilled with my pinky finger as, say, with my index finger. Oh well...live and learn.

Eyelashes: I never lost these...they may have thinned out a little, but I really did not notice.

My eyebrows are still very much there...but they have been downsized by about 50%. The only regrowth I have noticed there is that one damn eyebrow hair that comes out above my left eye...that one hair that is completely white and grows about an inch long, straight out...the one I always used to forget to pluck until the sun would hit it just right. Yeah, that little bastard is back. I plucked it and felt a little bad about it too.

I am including some pictures of the progression of my hair loss...and where I was as of last weekend. I will provide some re-growth pics as time goes on (I was somewhat obsessive with finding these photos or videos when I was losing my hair). Oh...and only head hair, sorry folks, but I don't need my Alamo ending up posted everywhere for folks to see!

The First Photo (2 days after my first chemo...)








Second Photo (2 weeks into chemo, I cut my hair short)

  

Above right: 2 weeks into second chemo treatment...about 75% of my hair had fallen out. You may also notice how the treatments affected my skin (very dry, required lots of makeup to keep from looking really "ill")

 

The black white above was taken 3 weeks after my last chemo treatment. The hair left on my head had not fallen out during chemo...but 90% was gone.

The last two photos (in color) were taken last weekend (4 weeks after my last chemo treatment; February 26th). No noticeable growth in the photos.

I have since buzzed my hair even shorter than in the last photo, as new little baby hairs are starting to come in. More photos soon!

Week 2 of Radiation is complete!

Wow...so I am now finished with week 2 of my radiation treatment...I think I realized mid-week just how tired the treatments were making me! I've been getting somewhere between 8 and 10 hours of sleep per night (going to bed early and getting up around 7), and I am just plain tired by midday. It really seems to catch up with me by late Wednesday or Thursday morning. I suppose I am a little surprised by this, but when you think about it...I guess logically I shouldn't be!

The doc explained that he would be killing off (not his words) somewhere around 100 lymph nodes...I am certain that my body is royally pissed off by this fact.

I will say (again) that massage is an incredible benefit to me. I have now gone three times in the past few weeks...I afford this by visiting the local massage school (Cortiva Institute). The students are wonderful and the benefits are numerous! I have so little edema in my legs now...and the pains from radiation are greatly reduced after the massages (sadly, I get them right back the next time I have radiation).

Pain from radiation? Not really direct pain, just pain from holding my arms up above my head, completely still in my "mold" for around 10 minutes. I have pain in my neck and shoulders from this...and now the pains are traveling down my arms (feels like pinched nerves). You can try to relax all you want while on that table...getting radiation...it is just not natural to be in that position like that and it pisses off my shoulders and arms. Oh well...

There has been little to no visible effect on my skin on the radiation sites so far...really I just see some minor dryness--especially along the scar line for my mastectomy. I am using aloe vera gel (99% aloe vera...great stuff) every day, sometimes more than once a day, in the general area being "zapped."

So, dry skin, neck and shoulder (and arm) pain, and fatigue...that is where I am at with radiation treatment. I met with the Radiation Doctor on Tuesday...things are going fine. I also got 4 recommendations from him for surgeons who do reconstructive surgery. Will start on that next.

Keeping my chin up and my attitude very positive...

With love,
Tory