Chemo Part 4 was NO FUN!!!

Well, I guess it had to happen sometime...

I was down big-time after this round of chemo. Yes, I am thinking that the cold/bronchitis (whatever) I had to go along with it considerably added to the "experience..." This was one of those events that you hear chemo is like...the vomiting, the diarrhea, cold sweats, hot sweats, room spinning--please just let me sleep through this!!! Well, that would have made the bed messy! So, I endured by sitting naked on the toilet with my bathroom trash can in my lap. Yep--both ends evacuating at the same time.

I couldn't even keep my anti-nausea meds down...or anything else down for that matter, so they were no use. I do know that there are dissolveable meds you can put on your tongue...but honestly, I wanted to puke out whatever was in there...and it didn't last too long.

Saturday was when most of this hit me...so I just puked, shat and slept (when not performing the aforementioned.) I honestly wondered when it would be over! Luckily, I felt better by Sunday...was even able to clean up after myself a bit. Monday, I felt lots better...even trekked up to the office for work! Now that is perserverance--dammit!

Dear toilet and trashcan:
I know, you did not deserve that, but thanks for being there! Oh, and you are welcome for the Lysol and bleach.
Love,
Tory

Chemo: Part 4 of 6 Today! I am 2/3 done!!!

Well, I woke up feeling a bit better this morning. I have been taking DayQuil and NyQuil pills during the past couple of days to help some of these apparent cold symptoms. They have been helping--the NyQuil has especially helped with me getting some good sleep at night.

I made it over to Tampa for my appointment, and the doc pulled me back before my bloodwork had been started. Apparently, there was a huge backup with getting bloodwork done, and he was ready for me! We talked for a while. He informed me that I DO NOT have the BRCA genetic mutation to blame for my Breast Cancer...hmmm, very interesting stuff. This is good news for my sis though...and that makes me feel pretty darn good! We also discussed my current infection--he gave me a look over and prescribed me with Augmentin to start after I am done with the Z-Pack. I also will have refills on this script, since I seem to be susceptible right now to these types of infections. I told him that this seemed so strange, as it started in my nose and my chest...then moved into my sinuses. Weirdness. Oh well, I am sure it will be fine...I am just ready to not be sick on top of, well, being chemo-sick!!!

Then we discussed my getting the massages (he gave me the note I needed)--I told him how helpful it was with my retaining water...worked better than limiting sodium AND exercise. Hell, the massages seemed to move out the excess fluids fairly quickly. I also told him that the school may be interested in working with their group somehow...and that they may be contacting him directly. He indicated that there were some folks that used to come to the office (before they had changed companies) and provide massages there to the patients. Hmmm...we'll see what they do with it, if anything!

We discussed travel again...and he said he was glad I was traveling...to call if I needed anything. And I (again) reminded him about the Claritin helping Neulasta bone pain. I told him that I started taking it BEFORE the shot last time, and I had very little pain this last time. He said he has recommended it to at least one other with some success...GOOD! I wish someone would figure out the connection there!!!

Anyway, I went back to get my bloodwork in the chemo administration area. They jacked in to my port (no, I did not look this time--that is just too gross!) and had the results within a few minutes. So, my bloodwork looked VERY GOOD...no issues at all...and I had no fever. Okay. Chemo #4 was about to get underway!!!

I didn't have any strange reactions this time...haven't really had any issues with it since the first one, so it went fairly smoothly. I didn't even get as loopy as I had last time from the Ativan shot...although I did get fairly nauseous during the last 45 minutes or so, during the Herceptin administration. Nothing major, just some mild nausea. Strange...I felt monsterously hungry along with the nausea.

Well, after about 4 hours of chemo, I was free to go...after they checked my blood pressure and weight. Blood pressure was a bit high (steroids, maybe?) and my weight is back down a bit (less fluid retention, maybe?) Next "appointment" is my shot of Neulasta tomorrow afternoon...then chemo on January 7th at 9:30 AM.

Becky came to get me tonight...although I felt like I could drive home this time, so I asked if she would follow me. I was a little tired...but I seemed fine--I was grateful she followed me home in case I had any problems! My sister rocks! Thanks Beck!

Well, after a nice helping of Becky's turkey meatloaf, some hummus and some Alaskan Truffles...I had to have some pizza. I ordered some and chowed down. Good lord! Haven't been that hungry in a while! Hmmm...don't even feel overstuffed. And I just noticed my cold symptoms are a bit better tonight...

Let's see what tomorrow holds!

With love,
Tory

Still Sick...wondering about Chemo tomorrow....

Well, I am feeling better mentally today...still sick and tired though! This infection (cold, bronchitis?) has been kicking my ass... Curious what my bloodwork will look like tomorrow and if the doc will go forward with my scheduled chemo at 10AM. If so, I will be 2/3 through, dammit! Ready for this shit to be over with--enough already!!!

I will say that this infection is acting more like a cold...or the Z-Pack has helped with whatever was going on in my chest...it seems to have moved up into my head (sinuses, nose and throat) now. I'll have to chat with the doc about getting some more Augmentin for the sinusitis bit of this...hell, you know if I am asking for antibiotics, I am sick. I hate taking those things!!!

Oh well, I have my list of questions for the doc all ready for tomorrow...

I hope I am feeling better in the AM.

Sick, Tired, and really Depressed

Well, tonight I am just feeling depressed and alone. I hate feeling like this!!! I am so tired of chemo right now, I cannot even express my frustration. I am sick--this damn infection is acting more like a cold virus than bronchitis (better, maybe?), I have my next chemo in just over a day...no one will be sitting with me during chemo this time...oh well. I guess I am just being a big baby. But I am PISSED, SAD, ANGRY, and I cannot seem to stop crying tonight!!!

I couldn't go in to the office today--had to work at home. And I feel so fucking guilty about that. I know I have been trying very hard to keep up a normal routine and pace at work...hell, I just need to give myself a break. I bust my ass most of the time...I just hate that I couldn't make it in today. There was a big meeting I really needed to be at, and I was just too sick to be there. What a royal pain in the ass.

I did post my first "negative message" on Facebook...and much to my surprise, lots of folks had some really kind and reassuring things to say back to me. Those comments were really nice to hear...I've been reading them into the night tonight. Funny how it makes me feel less "alone!"

Well, it is late, and I need my rest to try and get better before chemo on Wednesday. Ugh...yes, I will be 2/3 through on Wednesday...that is a good thing! I think...

Ugh...feel so effin' sick..

REALLY?
I just hate this! I am so tired of chemo, it is making me crazy already! And now I seem to have picked up bronchitis...or a head cold...or some stupid sickness that is making me nuts! What the hell?

I did call the on-call doc today to have them start me on something--he was super-nice and called me in the ol' Z-Pack to get me started (in case it was bronchitis). Hell, I have chemo scheduled for Wednesday, I have a ton of work I REALLY want to be able to do Monday and Tuesday...I just hate this. I hate that my immune system is so out of whack. I haven't gotten sick like this in so long...and it hit so freakin' fast!!! Arrgh.

Sneeze sneeze, cough, cough.

Special Population Massage...then Sneezing...Coughing...ugh...

Well, this morning I got up to head over to Cortiva Institute for my Special Populations massage session. I had been unable to get a doctor's note in time, but they decided they would be nice and work on me (but only very very lightly). This time was fine...the young woman did a nice job! I felt good and relaxed afterward...even sleepy--went home for a nap!!!

Ugh, I woke up from my nap thinking I was going to cook up some meals for the week for Becky and me...and then I started sneezing and coughing. It started to get worse so fast, that I realized within a couple of hours I might just have bronchitis!! Shit! Like I need this crap right now!

I absolutely hate being sick...and if I don't feel better tomorrow, I will have to call the docs...too bad it will be Sunday...sheesh.

Massage Last Night...

Oh yeeeesssss...that was nice!

I found a local massage school, Cortiva Institute, that has evening and weekend clinics that suit my schedule, so I went to the Wednesday night 6:30 PM "clinic." They were a little concerned about working on me, but I informed them that my doc had suggested it and that I was not at all in pain or sedentary. They opted to do a very "light" massage on me just to cover themselves...since I did not think to bring a doctor's note. The trainee was just fabulous! Did a wonderful job...I felt so good and relaxed afterward!!!

After we were done, the staff there asked for my Doc's name to get in touch with his group...to see if they could do some work with the patients...I think that would be a great idea! I provided the info and need to let my doc know the next time I see him.

Interestingly, they invited me to their "Special Populations" class this Saturday...It is a free session...one hour, wherein the students get to work with people with special needs and/or conditions. I signed up for the last slot...just need to try to get the doc to send over a note before then...I have to laugh though, I've never been in a "special population!!!" Hmmmm....not sure if I dig that or not!!!

Anyway, I highly recommend this to anyone going through chemo that is not sedentary...I found that, while I had been retaining LOTS of fluids (especially in my midsection and thighs), my swelling went down within the next 18 hours or so...WOW! I dig less fluid retention! My pants just fit better!!!

With love,
relaxed and less-swollen Tory

Ugh...Fatigue!!!

Well, it is Tuesday night...I have traveled for work the past two days. Yesterday to Bradenton and today to Sarasota. I'll tell you, I am one tired girl! I was going to head over to the gym tonight; however, my body is telling me that this is not an option...must rest. So, I will rest. I hate feeling puny!

I AM looking forward to the massage I am scheduled to get tomorrow night! Woo hoo! I found a local massage school that has sessions in the evenings--$30 for an hour-long massage. Plus, there have been multiple folks suggesting massage as a way to help the chemo through your lymph system. Hell, either way, it can't hurt, can it? It has been a long time since I have had a massage, so I am looking very much forward to it!

Well, off to rest up...Tory is a sleepy girl!!!

Back at the gym on Sunday the 6th

Well, I felt motivated enough to head back up to the gym on Sunday, December 6th! I really felt pretty good after the first workout I did, so I endeavored to go it again!

Getting Ready: This time, I stuck with the black beanie I wore on my head last time (I have not seemed to have found the time to make more beanies/berets--must do this!!!)...I wore bigger pants and a nice, roomy shirt over the jog bra and breast forms. I will say that the breast forms do like to travel a bit while I am working my arms...funny they seem to want to hang out together right in the front middle of my chest. This time, I just made an annoyed face and nonchalantly relocated them. I did have to do this a few times...and that is just weird. Oh well, I figure I see enough men adjusting themselves that it can't appear that unusual. AND, I decided not to really care that much this time--it worked somewhat well!

My perceptions at the gym: This time, I felt less self-conscious. I really think the bigger shirt helped! I still wish I felt more comfortable with the idea of being mostly bald on my head...but I am not sure I will get over that. Hell, I am not going to stress it too much--if it makes me uncomfortable, I will just make adjustments and carry on!!!

My workout: I worked out for 1.5 hours this time! I seemed to have the energy level to do about 30 minutes of cardio (on the evil elliptical, no-less), and I broke a good sweat! Hey, it kicked my ass a bit, but I kept pushing through the fatigue. Felt really nice afterward to do some arm and leg work. Once again, my body seemed to like the stretches...felt good!!!

I really hope I can keep this up moving forward. It felt nice...yes, it was tiring, but such is life!

~Tory

My First Gym Visit Since August...

Well, yesterday evening I got a "wild hair up my ass" and thought I might like to go workout at the gym! Now, I have not been to my local gym since late August--just before my first surgery in September. Three months...and I had been going so frequently that it had become such a routine (even a comfort and release!)

Getting ready: It took me a while to get dressed to go. Having both of "the girls" removed presents with it some unique wardrobe issues regardless; however, most of my gym clothing tops had morphed into tighter-fitting-but-still-functional jog bras and tighter tank tops. Wearing something like that now just makes me look odd. Here's the picture: jog bra + tank, a beanie on my head, my makeup was still on from work, and I had on a pair of yoga pants with my running shoes. With absolutely no boobies, I looked downright amorphous--excluding my rounded hips and lack of protrusion in my groin area. So, I shoved a couple of silicone "breastforms" into my jog bra (the slots for the pads work well for this) and found a looser-fitting tank. If I keep up this gym thing, I will have to get some looser tops to wear over these jog bras/forms. Eventually, I felt sorta "female-looking" and I took off to the gym.

My perceptions at the gym: I was very self-consious at first...it only waned a bit during the hour I was there. I would really like not to have to wear a beanie on my head while working out; however, I have such little hair on my head, and I feel like I would have been more self-consious without it. Most of the folks at my gym are there to work out...not to get laid, so folks really do pay more attention to what they are doing (as opposed to the people around them.) I never felt self-consious there before, so I will have to work on my own perceptions of my SELF to handle it better next time. Oh, and looser tops will help too--I would really prefer to not have to worry about whether my fake titties are migrating during exercise!  So: next time, keep the beanie (need a good all-cotton one though), and wear a bigger shirt/tank. This is easy...so let's go with it!

My workout: I worked out for about an hour. In the past, I would do from 1 hour to 1.5 hours, depending on my energy level. I did move much more slowly, so what I packed into the hour last night was much less than I had done in the past. Slowly but surely. I did the regular treadmill for about 15 minutes...my shins were yelling at me a bit, so I had to stop a couple of times to stretch them out (I used to have to do that--must remember to loosen those up a bit before I start!!!) I really could not get my heartrate up into the "Cardio" range, but I really didn't stress about it. My heart deserves a break after everything I have been through this year!!! I completed just shy of a mile on the mill--with a tiny incline...nice.
After the treadmill, I did some leg-work. I was able to do the same weights I had worked myself up to in August; however, I had to do fewer reps and sets. Really, I was able to do about 2/3 of what I could do before--I was pleasantly surprised by this...and quite happy about it. I only did a few things with my arms...wanting to take it easy on my left arm still, as I have a lot of numbness in my upper left arm yet. Really, my arms did not mind, and the left arm seemed to really "enjoy" the stretching of it all.

While at the gym, one of the trainers who knew I was about to undergo treatment came up and chatted with me. She said I looked "great" and that she wouldn't have known I was in the middle of chemo. She had done the 3-Day Komen Walk during October and said that she had wondered about me. She said to keep it up and she wishes me well. She and I will probably work together on some upper body stuff soon--I think I want some help figuring out how to deal with my chest muscles post-surgery. My docs have not been very helpful with suggestions on this...so we will see.

Today I am feeling pretty good! I feel a little back muscle discomfort, but otherwise I am just fine! I think I will hunt down some looser shirts to wear and head back this weekend. We shall see!

~Tory

Feelin' better...

Well, as is the typical pattern, I had about 5 days of feeling very puny after my chemo session. Honestly, it  was more like 4 days...but it sure did feel longer.

Yesterday was pretty good; however, I had some stomach issues (nausea, a little bit of vomiting), but nothing that was intense or uncontrollable (with the anti-nausea meds and/or Gaviscon). My brain was still a bit fuzzy yesterday, and I am still finding trouble locating words at times to make my point or describe something...but this is much better than the first few days post chemo.

I find that I am retaining a bit of water...my clothes feel a bit tight around my waist and thighs. This started to wane a bit starting last night, and I know it will get better today and tomorrow with more movement. Hell, I spent a few days in bed guys!

Anyway, my sister buzzed my hair down to 1/2 an inch. Well...if you can call it hair. It really looks like fine baby hair. Funny, the feeling of the wind or a breeze on your scalp is not one I am used to. I am taking the time to notice this sort of thing and just feel it. Feels pretty cool--and, well, cool temperature wise too!

I did some yoga yesterday AM and some stretches this AM...feels really really good!

Well, I am off to career-land! Hope you are all enjoying your day...on purpose! We have so much to be thankful for!!!

~Tory